


ALTIVOLUS

by BrightEyesEren



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (if you're American and go by age 21), College AU, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Jean is really mean later as a head's up, M/M, Minor Angst, Miscommunication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Eren Yeager, Semi-graphic violence, Sexual Tension, Smut to be in a bonus chapter, Suicide mention, Wing AU, age gap is only 3 years, alcohol mention, both Eren and Levi are terrible at talking to each other, but that's the point, marking this as mature for those and the bonus chapter, minor Hanji x Armin, minor Jean x Marco, minor Mikasa x Annie, suggestive scenes, uh.. some other ships implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-20 02:04:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 87,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5988376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightEyesEren/pseuds/BrightEyesEren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Walking down the street, you'll notice that everyone- no matter the age, sex, or race- has wings. They're meant to be extravagant, beautiful, stunning, all so you can attract a mate. They'll both be the same colour, same pattern, same shape, and the same size.</p><p>Eren Jaeger isn't as fortune. With one green wing and one gold wing, he's seen as a monster, irregular, ugly.</p><p>But when Levi Ackerman walks in to share a college dorm with him, how will he react?</p><p>  ~~~<br/>as a heads up, i track the tag 'fic:ALTIVOLUS' on Tumblr. c;<br/>there's also a folder of fan art <a href="https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B8hUlKA0iHfXSmd1Qi11b2F4WWc">here !!</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

I remember sitting on the plastic swings during recess in elementary school with the feeling of air fluttering under my wings, and I felt unbelievably free. I was weightless and flying without the hazards of _actually_ flying. I wouldn’t pay attention to the other kids on the playground pointing at my wings and making fun of the strange colouration and shape. I would focus on the clouds rolling lazily in the sky, the sun shining across the ground and reflecting off of my clothing. Even on the days that someone would yank the chain of the swing and I would fall and scrape my knees on the rugged Earth until they bled, I would fight the tears and imagine that feeling all over again.

My mother would always tell me my wings were beautiful. I would find a mate, she would say. Someone else would find my wings to be stunning, extraordinary. I found them to be ugly. One was a sea foam green, like the colour of my eyes were. The other, unfortunately, turned out to be a more light honey colour.

I don’t know when I realised I wasn’t normal. At first, I thought there were other people out there. My mother had two gold wings, my father had two green ones; it was natural for me to have both, I assumed. I think it might’ve been some day while taking a walk with them that I realised it wasn’t alright.

Two sky blue, two lavender, two pastel pink. Everyone had two of the same exact colour, both the same shape and size. The people with large, magnificent wings even had the chance to take flight and soar away with those extravagant colours. But I was me.

The sizes and shapes were different too. The green one’s larger, stronger, and I’m sure if they were both that way, I would be able to fly like many other people. The gold wing I have on the right isn’t as strong or as large. It’s shaped oddly and can’t move correctly. It has no function at all to me aside from being an absolute nuisance.

I thought about that on my drive to Sina University one morning. It would be my first day there, a chance to start fresh and breathe. Nervousness still bit and pulled at every muscle in my body, and if it wasn’t for my mother giving me a container filled with my favourite blueberry muffins on the way out the door, I swear I would’ve given up from the start.

As soon as the trip started, the short two hour drive ended, and the tall building stood in front of me, tall and proud. My friends Armin and Mikasa would be here. I could find comfort in the fact that they’re accepting of what I have on my back. I didn’t know anyone else there; I didn’t know how they would react. The thought felt terrifying.

Yet, with a deep breath and the engine of my car coming to a stop, I stepped out into the open.

I took everything out of the trunk of my car and started to walk to the building. I kept my head down, ignoring the eyes I knew were pinned onto me. I tuned out any voices, any sounds or mutters that might be about me. I hadn’t even bothered to take in what the campus looked like. I got myself in there as quickly as I could and tried to find my way to the places I wanted to be. I didn’t want to deal with anything.

All the years of public school were good enough. The stares of my kindergarten class, the drama started in junior high, the bullying and harassment in high school; I wanted it all to end. I’ve had enough of people making fun of me through the years. Even worse, I wouldn’t have my mother to rush back to every hour of the day. I could call her, yes, but it wouldn’t be the same level of comfort I grew accustomed to.

I didn’t take all too long to find my dorm room. There wasn’t much in it. Two empty beds, blank walls, and carpet. I heard a roommate would be joining me for the year, but he didn’t arrive yet. Only I was in there. I closed the door most of the way and started unpacking all my bags, blocking out the voices of people passing by, laughing and socialising.

Part of me felt absolutely pathetic. I shouldn’t be jealous over something as petty as wing shape and colour. Then there was another part of me that felt the thought was justified. All those people in the hallways could laugh and talk like it was nothing, but I was here, alone, afraid to speak. I couldn’t bring myself to go out and talk to anyone, knowing I would probably be ignored or even worse.

An hour of laying on my bed, listening to rock music passed by fast. I was in my own world without interruption, until someone knocked on the door and opened it before I could even respond.

In came a male, shorter than me, messy black hair styled in an undercut. He had a single lip piercing, a couple others I could notice along his ears and nose, and wore all black and blue clothing. He didn’t look at me fully; only a quick glance before he pulled his bags in the room and set them on his bed.

“Are you my new roommate?” I asked, sitting up and looking over to him. He nodded without a word, starting to unpack all his things.

“Well, uh, what’s your name?”

Silence filled the room for a moment before he spoke again, this time looking to meet my eyes. His were dark blue.

“Levi. You?”

“Eren. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Alright, cool. Nice to meet you too, I guess.” I could see that his eyes lingered on my wings, and a strong feeling of anxiety washed over me. I shifted around, averting my gaze, but I looked right back up at him when he spoke once again.

 

“I really like your wings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super short prologue to get started~


	2. Chapter One

“You… what?”

“I really like your wings. What’s wrong with saying that?"

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to form proper words in response. There were thousands upon thousands of words I could say, infinite numbers of sentences I could form and say to him in response, but I was utterly, entirely  _ speechless.  _

“I… like yours too. Like, uh, a lot.” I gestured to his wings with my hand, taking a moment to admire them. The feathers were all a navy- cobalt blue, sleek and smooth, a bit on the thinner side too. I could tell they were smaller than average too, but they were pretty nonetheless. Darker coloured wings were rarer than light coloured wings.

Levi nodded slowly, shifting back on his bed.

“Thanks.” He fell silent again, taking off his shoes and sitting on his bed. He started sifting through all the papers he held before looking back over to me.

“Why are you looking at me like that? You’re staring like I’ve grown three heads out of my ass.”

My face burned up in seconds.

“S-sorry, I zoned out. I’ll just… yeah.” I turned away, searching to find my headphones to put them in and listen to music.

He scoffed lightly, sitting with his body propped up against some pillows. I watched him from the corner of my eye, pulling out his own earbuds and plugging them into his phone. I wanted to see what he was listening to, yet I couldn’t bring myself to being too nosy. It felt wrong to ask anything after knowing him for less than a minute.

I didn’t feel time pass anymore after that. I drowned myself in the music playing through my phone. The lyrics were blurry and I couldn’t bring myself to pay attention to the artist or song title it had. It was music, and I was at ease.

Eventually, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes, gently pulling my earbuds- which had gone silent- out of my ears. I looked up to see Levi hanging over me, arms folded over one another with a bored expression plastered on his face. Slowly, I sat up and looked into his eyes.

“What’s up…?” 

“You’ve been asleep for the past two hours. They’re giving us time to look around the campus, sign up for clubs, all that. I thought you might want to know and maybe get off your ass.” He turned away, grabbing his phone from his bed and walking out of the room.

I pushed my hair out of my face and checked the time on my phone. If I wasn’t woken up by him, I wouldn’t have even realised the mid afternoon came. I might’ve even slept well into the evening. I debated on going out right away, but before then, I sifted through my bags until I found the container of muffins my mother baked and packed for me.

She would make them for me on every important day. I would wake up to the sweet aroma on my birthday every year, on holidays a few batches would be made, sometimes if I had a significantly bad day, I would hear a knock on my door and she would hand me a couple, and I remember she made a full dozen on my high school graduation. 

I silently began to eat them, one by one, enjoying how quiet the room sounded on my own. I glanced over to all Levi’s stuff, taking in everything he had laying there. Neat stacks of clothing, some notebooks, a laptop, and some books. Everything stayed clean and tidy.

Once I finished my muffins, I stood up from my bed and walked out of the room. I looked around before leaving the safety of the doorway. No one seemed to be around. I couldn’t be happier about that.

Wandering down the hallways of the campus, I continually looked around me. I feared that someone would come behind me and insult me because of my wings. Every single day, I had to face that fear. It wasn’t often that I would go out alone because of it, too. Society is cruel, messed up, and doesn’t let people like me stay fine and out of harm. The only time mistakes are okay is if they’re useful.

Look at Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He’s accepted, but that’s only because his flaws are useful and do something good for him and others. With me, it’s the complete opposite. I’m deformed, ugly, and can’t even fly for god’s sake. I’m nothing like Rudolph and his perfectly useful imperfections.

On my walk, I couldn’t help but think about what Levi said.

_ “I really like your wings.” _

I swore he must’ve been blind. It could’ve been that all he noticed was the colouration and not how tattered and rough-looking all the feathers were on one wing. Maybe, just maybe, he utterly failed to take in how the gold one was bent and broken and barely even looked like a wing. He could’ve only saw the green one and thought both of them were that way.

My train of thought derailed by the shouting of my name from down the hallway behind me. When I turned around, Mikasa and Armin were both jogging, wide grins on both of their faces. I smiled back to them, watching as they both slowed down to a stop.

Mikasa practically jumped onto me, pulling me into her arms. She buried her face into my neck, squeezing the life out of me. Carefully, I pried her off, giving a soft smile.

“Uh… Excited to see me?” She merely nodded.

“Hey, Eren,” Armin said from behind Mikasa, waving to me, “Sorry she… attacked you.”

“I didn’t attack him.”

“But you-"

“I didn’t attack him.”

“Okay…”

I laughed at the two of them, sticking my hands in my pockets. Armin’s wings fluttered slightly as he looked away from the two of us.

It was odd to think about sometimes, but I always loved Armin’s wings. They were both pastel pink and tiny, curved in a way that made them look like a heart on his back. He didn’t have much stamina while flying because of their small size, but they were still cute beyond belief. He never had much of an issue finding people who liked them.

Mikasa’s, on the other hand, were a light grey. I’m sure they were larger than the average wings, and they seemed to be thicker too. To me, they weren’t the most attractive ones on the planet, but they were pretty and fit her well.

We all continued to walk down the hallway, talking about everything that’d happened recently. It’d been a few months since I last saw Armin and Mikasa, and we texted or called each other on a not-so-regular basis. After graduating, we all went our own ways with jobs and bills and making a slight attempt at moving out; it turns out none of us made it all that far in the end.

Armin hadn’t found anyone he liked, though there were people that complimented his petite wings, to no surprise. Mikasa, on the other hand, told me she finally found someone who she liked. 

“Her name is Annie,” she started, “we met at a rock concert I went to over the summer. Before it started, we talked a bit and found interest in each other. So, I guess I have someone who likes my wings and me?”

The next five minutes were spent as if we were right back in our freshman year of high school, with all the crazy gossip and crushes and notes being passed around, all written in smudged black ink from half empty pens, tossed across the room like miniature aeroplanes when the teacher wasn’t looking.

By the end of the discussion, Mikasa’s face had tinted itself a soft red. She smiled, happy she got to talk about her new love interest. I was happy to hear it all.

“What about you, Eren?” Mikasa asked afterwards.

I froze, biting down softly on the corner of my lip. She always expected me to find someone, be involved in some lovey-dovey relationship with the most beautiful woman or most handsome guy or most attractive person in general with stunning wings and a smile that would blow the universe away, but I knew I’d never find someone that great given my own appearance. That was a topic I always preferred to drop.

I looked average, maybe less than that. My eyes were pretty, sure. I had an even tan. My hair was messy most times but that was alright too. I never needed braces because my teeth grew in fine. But, of course, there were my wings. No one would want me because of that; it’s something I was sure of all my life.

“Uh… no, I haven’t found anyone.” I shrugged.

“You’re not trying very hard.” 

“I am! It’s just that no one wants me, Mikasa.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. Mikasa always gave me the stupid motherly looks and concerned expressions, sometimes have her hand on her hip, when I said something even remotely negative about myself. Before she could give me a long winded lecture, I changed the topic.

“Have you two signed up for any clubs yet?”

“Debate club, book club, bioscience research club, mighty math, and some other things.” Armin smiled to me. I had a feeling he would join a trillion clubs, so it didn’t surprise me. Whether or not he would keep up with all of them was a different story.

“What about you Mikasa?”

“Nothing yet.”

I nodded along, explaining that I needed to go sign up for some. Mikasa agreed to check out a few, maybe sign up depending on what was available. 

My heart raced and pounded when we got closer to the doors that led outside, where all the booths for clubs were set up. I didn’t want to go out there, and yet I had no choice if I wanted to participate in any clubs this semester. So, despite every bone in my body screaming to stay inside and rush back to my dorm with the comfort of blankets and music and notebooks to write in, I opened the doors with Mikasa and Armin by my side.

I stayed behind them the entire time, nervous of the other people that would stare and talk about me and my wings. As much as I hated that fear, I never had the will to get rid of it. It would fade with familiarity of an area, but for the time being, it was something I couldn’t control as much as I wanted to.

When we walked out, I stayed quiet, trying not to pay too much mind to any people that were looking. All I had on my mind was finding activities I would be interested in. Nothing else mattered to me as long as I could get back inside at a reasonable time.

Mikasa clung to my side the entire time, constantly asking me if we needed to stop at one place or if she needed to tell someone off. Armin stayed a couple feet ahead of us, smiling and waving to a few people he seemed to know. I was jealous that he fit in so easily and that he socialised as if it were nothing.

Half an hour passed, and I wanted to go inside already. Mikasa signed up for a few activities, and I only signed up for hiking club and art. Sure, it was only two clubs, but that seemed better than nothing. I wanted to focus on my studies more than extra things I didn’t necessarily need to succeed. There was a good chance I wouldn’t even stay in those clubs for long before dropping out, anyway.

We were all about to walk back into the building when one man came up to me, tugging on my sleeve. I turned around to face him, only to be faced with an ugly grimace.

“What’s up with your wing?”

Any words I had the potential to say dried up in my throat. I didn’t want to deal with all of that all over again. There was no way I could deal with dicks like him for yet another year. I didn’t have the patience nor the will to do it.

“Aren’t you… Marco’s mate?” Armin muttered, stepping closer to the guy staring at me like I was diseased. He stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest, and I could tell he was only trying and failing at looking tough.

“Yeah, what about it? And how d’you know him?” The guy asked back, rolling his eyes. He didn’t need to say much for me to label him as a douche.

“We share the same dorm. He told me about you earlier today, and my, he wouldn’t be very happy if I told him that you were bullying my best friend, Jean. I think it would be wise for you to leave now, hm?”

The male, Jean apparently, scoffed and let go of the grip he had on the sleeve of my shirt. I couldn’t tell what exactly he muttered while turning away from me, but it didn’t sound like anything nice.  
  
Sighing, I continued on my way to the doors with Armin and Mikasa at my sides. Armin continued muttering apologies while I made sure to say it was alright every time a ‘sorry’ left his mouth. Mikasa stayed silent, seething with anger after the encounter with Jean. I’m surprised she didn’t slap him.

Armin left to go to his room after some time. He turned down a hallway, telling me what room he had before disappearing out of sight. Mikasa followed me into my dorm, looking around the room a bit and analysing it to make sure it was adequate enough for me to live in.

“You have a roommate, right?”

“Yeah, I do. His name is Levi.”

“He better not hurt you, I swear.” She sat on his bed, folding her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes. 

I wanted to suggest to her that she could get off of his bed and maybe leave. I didn’t want her to be there and get all defensive and everything, but before I could even say a single word to my friend, the door opened up and in walked Levi, right on cue.

He looked to me for a moment before looking back to Mikasa.

“Is she your girlfriend or some shit?” He asked, gesturing to Mikasa who didn’t take her eyes off of me. Annoyance dripped from every word he spoke, but I couldn’t tell the exact reason why.

“No, I’m just his friend. Eren’s gay. Why would I be dating him?”

“Mikasa!” I could feel my cheeks burn red.

“What? It’s true. I’ve known since we were kids. You weren’t really good at trying to be straight.”

Levi continued to look blankly at the spot Mikasa sat, clearly unamused with her.

“Alright, nice. I’m gay too. Now I’d like my bed back, thanks.”

Mikasa turned her glare to Levi, but I could see her face soften while making eye contact. It looked like Levi stared straight into her soul, and it didn’t take long before she stood up and left the room without another word.

“I-I’m sorry about that.” 

He shrugged, sitting down on his bed, away from the spot that Mikasa was once on. 

“It’s fine. I don’t have to deal with you being one of those guys going on and on about all the women you’ve slept with,” He gave me a half-hearted smile, laying down more comfortably on his bed. “I’d prefer to live with another gay guy than some fraternity brat who hooks up with a new girl every week.”

I chuckled at his comment, leaning back on my elbows. Levi closed his eyes with a faint smile and relaxed on his bed silently. I took a moment to look at him further.

He wore dark, faded denim jeans, some sort of old black sneakers, a navy blue zip-up hoodie, and some black t-shirt with a design in white on it underneath the sweater. I looked over his face and noticed a lip piercing on one side, and two on his ear. I couldn’t see the other side of his face from how he laid down, but I assumed he had another few on his other ear. Overall, he wasn’t bad looking at all. I couldn’t say that he was my type, but he was still handsome in his own way.

“And about what you said earlier, Levi...” 

“Hm?”

“Did you genuinely mean that? Like, do you actually like my wings?”

He opened his eyes, looking over to me.

“Yeah, of course. Why the hell would I lie about that? You don’t say that to a random stranger for no reason.”

“People normally don’t like them. One’s deformed, after all.”

“Your point is…?” he trailed off, opening his eyes to look at me.

“You don’t find them weird.”

“No? They’re amazing. I don’t see a reason for them not to be. Now if you’re satisfied with that answer, I’m going to catch a nap. I had to take a flight all the way here for school, and I’m exhausted.” Levi grabbed a blanket, pulling it over his body while he adjusted on the bed.

I didn’t say much after that. I pulled out an old sketchbook and a pencil and smiled. I could get used to Levi sharing a room with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i might keep this entire story in Eren's point of view. o: i probably won't have a reason to switch tbh.
> 
> but yeah !! please let me know what you think. comments and critique are appreciated. <3


	3. Chapter Two

Soon enough, the night came by to greet us. My hand was covered in a shiny layer of graphite and somewhat sore from drawing some sort of cute-ish creature in my sketchbook. There was another page that I filled with a person, and another was flowers that all weaved together. I could’ve spent my time studying, making sure I knew my way around campus, calling my mother, or something else, but instead, I drew until my hand ached.

My senior year of high school was spent trying to find out what I wanted to do in life. I had my biology teacher tell me that I should pursue genetics since I was the best in the class at it. Sure, it was fun I guess. In my first year, I was the only one to successfully create a sixty-four box punnett square in under three minutes and was the only person in the class to understand meiosis and to find protein synthesis fascinating. I ended up with the only perfect score on the test in that unit. Even when I went on to the more advanced courses, I always got perfect grades in everything we learned. 

Was that my passion? 

_ Absolutely not. _

There was no way I could spend my life calculating if someone would be born with dark skin and blue eyes, with fair hair and neon green wings, with six fingers and four toes and some rare blood borne disease because of their great, great grandmother’s family. It didn’t interest me even though I was exceptionally good in the field. 

I know some people would consider me an absolute idiot for not taking up a well-paying career in something I was already good at, but I didn’t want it. I wanted to do something I liked instead of genetics. 

It was between art and writing for me in the end. Something like the animal-thing I drew in my sketchbook didn’t take very long at all; maybe fifteen minutes at most because it was a simple doodle. I was talented and could do things quickly. I’d even sold a few pieces to people and made money off of commissions for a while, especially during senior year. Art was something I considered for some time.

Then, on the other hand, there was writing. I did well in all my English classes and wrote in my free periods and after school. There was even a story that I finished that I’ve yet to fully edit, though I’m sure it might be good enough to publish (or at least that’s what my mother had told me after reading through it for me). The final push that made me decide to go into writing for a career, surprisingly, was a school newspaper.

I got to help decide all the different stories that would be put in there and write them all out, and for some reason, it sparked something in me. I realised that I loved journalism. 

When I told my mother, she was completely supportive. I almost,  _ almost  _ expected her to say that it wasn’t a smart choice, that I could do something way better, that would make me rich and famous so people would be bowing down to me and kissing my feet. But, in the end, she gave me a tight hug and encouraged me to go on.

My father was supportive as well but not as much as my mother was. He talked to me about other options out there, but at least after I further explained all the research I did on journalism and the careers others suggested to me, he finally agreed that it was a decent enough job for me to pursue in life.

Senior year passed by quickly. As second semester rolled in, Mikasa, Armin, and I discussed all the colleges nearby that we could go to. Some were ridiculously pricey and not worth it in the least, others were cheaper but didn’t have the classes we wanted. After a lot of consideration and working out money issues, the three of us chose Sina University.

I couldn’t help but wonder what Levi was going to major in. He didn’t give off the quiet vibe of someone interested in math, the peppiness of a science major, his appearance didn’t shout art, and there wasn’t the ice-cold feel of a history or business major. I would be shocked if he did anything down the musical path, and acting didn’t seem like something he would do even if he was paid. He’s not the best with people, so psyche didn’t sound like him.

“So you’re majoring in English, right?” I questioned, looking over to Levi. He was laying on his bed and brought his book away from his face, turning his head to look in my direction.

“Yeah, I am. How did you know?”

“You’re quiet, reserved, and seem pretty clean. The bluntness was what made me think science for a second there, but that didn’t seem right with you.” He narrowed his eyes and shut the book that was still in his hands, setting it on his lap.

“Are you majoring in psychology?”

I chuckled. “My dad taught me a lot about people and their behaviour. He studied in sociology and psychology and all that. I’m actually majoring in journalism.” 

“Journalism, huh… Are you going to be a news reporter or something after college?”

“I want to help find stories for magazines, actually. Any idea of what you’ll be doing after school?”

“I’m going into creative writing. I have a few manuscripts ready, but I want to finish my degree before publishing anything. I might become an editor once all my works are out there. That would be nice.” 

We talked more about our classes, what we would be doing after college, what lead us to wanting to pursue these careers, and all that. I found out that we both shared an English class along with the art club (we both mentioned the fact that we probably wouldn’t stay around, despite our mutual love of art). He often drew out his characters and scenes from his stories to better imagine them and sometimes wrote about what he drew.

The two of us were laying on our own beds, talking like there was nothing better to do at all for the next couple of hours. It’s not like either of us had to get up too early. English wasn’t until the afternoon for both of us, and all our other classes fell after that. I liked having afternoon classes instead of- as Levi said- waking up at the asscrack of dawn.

I think it was around midnight that the two of us actually decided to sleep. He went off to the bathroom to change, which I sort of found weird considering we were both males. It’s not like it would matter; all the years of changing together in the gym locker rooms made it seem normal. I didn’t bother to say anything to him when he came back into the room. Maybe all he wanted was a little privacy, so I couldn’t judge him for it.

The night went smoothly with nothing to wake us up from sleep. That is, until Mikasa came by to check on me.

Though she acted like a second mother to me, I was glad that she didn’t always act like my mother. It was about nine in the morning when she came by to check on me with a soft knock on the door and an ‘Eren, are you in there?’.

I groaned and rolled off of the bed, dragging my feet across the floor to get to the door and open it for Mikasa. My hand came in contact with the smooth metal of the doorknob, and I twisted it open, rubbing my eyes. 

Mikasa stood there was a soft smile and moved her hands to her pockets after seeing me look at her.

“Good to see you’re awake. I don’t want you to miss breakfast, Eren.”

I mumbled incoherently, walking from the doorway and out into the hallway. Mikasa dragged me along with her, saying something about Armin and going out to grab some muffins and cereal from the food hall before breakfast closed at ten.

She walked ahead of me, and I barely even realised we’d made it to Armin’s dorm room. Mikasa knocked, but unlike me, Armin answered the door immediately. He was already dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, rather than the flannel pants and worn pajama shirt I had on. He suggested that I changed clothes, and after some protesting, the three of us walked back to my dorm so I could get changed into something a bit better.

When I walked into my room, Levi was awake, sitting on his bed and fiddling with his phone. He looked over to me, pushing his hair out of his face and muttering a soft hello. I, of course, said my own hello back to him and grabbed some clothes from my little dresser, quietly getting changed into better clothing.

“I’m heading to grab something to eat. Wanna come with me?”

He shook his head softly, not even looking up to me. I shrugged it off, leaving him be while I left the room. Mikasa and Armin started walking with me to the campus food court, staying quiet on the way.

I got the chance to look around when we walked in. The place was decently sized, with some people sitting and eating, chatting about their pet dogs they left at home and what they want to do after school. It wasn’t too active, and I liked that. I wasn’t a huge fan of a lot of noise and activity.

Mikasa went off to go and get something to eat for all three of us, while Armin and I sat down at a table. We barely even got to say a word to each other before Jean came up to the two of us, glaring at me for no reason.

“Why are you sitting here?” Jean crossed his arms over one another, giving me some disgusted look.

Armin chimed in, holding his index finger up in protest.

“We’re sitting here to eat. After all, this is the food hall.”

“Yeah, yeah. I didn’t ask you, blondie.” Armin slumped his shoulders down, rolling his eyes and folding his arms over his chest.

Jean continued to stand there, staring at me with some idiotic glare. He was slouched over slightly, putting all his weight onto one side of his body. I wouldn’t mind him standing there like an imbecile, but Mikasa was still getting food- which took abnormally long- and the way he was looking at me made me somewhat uncomfortable.

“What do you even want, Jean?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why the hell are you standing there?”

“Just get your gay face away from me.” He grimaced.

“You’re the one who came here!” I threw my hands up, annoyed beyond belief because of that  _ child,  _ “And… you’re literally dating another gu-”

“Shut the hell up, Jaeger!”

“How do you know my last name? We’ve only seen each other twice, dude.”

“I have my ways, Eren. I have my ways.” And with that, he shot me a harsh glare and left without another word.

Armin rested a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic look, sighing softly.

“Jean is such a dick.” I commented.

“I know, Eren.” He patted my back softly and leaned against my shoulder. My only hope was not having to share any classes or activities with him, at the very least. I couldn’t put up with that many more hours of him.

Mikasa finally came back after god knows how long with a tray of croissants, bagels, and muffins, all of which looked somewhat good.

“What took you so long?” Armin said before I had the chance to. She blushed slightly then gestured to the brunette female standing next to her, nibbling on a half eaten, chocolate chip muffin. They both sat down at the table, Mikasa grabbing another muffin from the tray of food and taking a bite out of it. 

“Eren, Armin, this is Annie. Annie, here’s Armin and Eren.” She said with a smile, gesturing to us. Annie waved, saying absolutely nothing. She kept a blank expression, slowly eating her chocolate chip muffin.  

Breakfast was awkwardly silent, Annie staring off into nothing, Mikasa admiring her from the corner of her eye, and Armin and I eating our croissants and bagels quickly in an attempt to get out of there and fast as we humanly could. Neither of us were good in awkward social situations.

He and I thanked Mikasa for bringing us food, soon leaving and walking away from the table and out of the food hall.

Armin took a moment to sigh and look at me, obvious annoyance written all over his face.

“Jean is an idiot and… oh my gosh, Eren, is Annie even a human? She was staring across the room like a robot, I swear. I needed to get out of there. Class needs to start so I can be in my element and not have to deal with robots and stupid people.” He ran a hand through his hair, sighing again and leaning against my shoulder.

The two of us stayed like that for a few more minutes, taking in everything that happened, and soaking in our own displeasure. Eventually, we started walking, discussing schedules and how our days would work. The two of us took afternoon classes, so it would be easiest to hang out in the mornings and late evenings, it turned out. 

More discussion on roommates came up too. Marco is a total sweetheart, despite dating Jean of all people on the planet. He helped Armin out with unpacking and is apparently a dream to have around. I started telling him about Levi, leaving out the very first conversation we had.

Yet, as I expected, Armin brought it up, like the observant person he is.

“What was it like when you two first talked? Marco and I bonded instantly, so what about you, Eren?”

“I, uh…” I could feel my cheeks slowly start to heat up, and Armin stopped to look at me to figure out why I stuttered. His eyes widened and he gasped before I could even say anything to him.

“Oh my goodness gracious, what happened? Do you like him? You’re blushing.”

“Hush, hush, it’s nothing like that,” I mumbled, “he, uh, y’know just complimented my wings when he first met.”

Armin squealed, putting his hands over his mouth to cover up anymore excited noises.

“Eren, he likes you, doesn’t he?” He asked, trying not to shout it out. I groaned and leaned against the closest wall, shooting a half hearted glare to my excited friend. It took me a few minutes to think of a proper response.

“I don’t know if he likes me, but he definitely likes my wings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so anyways i'm tired and forgot how to write rip  
> but here's this. kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


	4. Chapter Three

I made it back to my dorm room fairly quick, though there was still a blush staining my cheeks after all Armin’s questioning and excitement. I wanted to completely hide it because the reasoning behind it was absolutely stupid. I got all flustered at the thought of a compliment; the thought of that made me feel pathetic.

When I walked into the room, Levi was sitting up on his bed, sifting through stacks of notebooks and textbooks all while looking at two papers on his lap, which I assumed were a map of the campus and a schedule. He looked over to me when he finally finished sorting everything out and sighed softly, sitting back against the pillows on his bed.

“Took you long enough to get back. It might as well be tomorrow already.”

I shrugged him off, sitting on my own bed and looking over to him.

“Were you organising for classes later?” 

“Yeah, I wanted to be prepared. There’s no way in hell I’m going to be messy with all my classes from the very start. Or at all, for that matter.”

“Fair enough.” I grabbed my sketchbook, glancing over at the clock before opening to a clean page. I found a few of my pencils and stared at the blank page, mentally thinking of what to draw in the next few hours before. A new character, some abstract design, a bouquet of flowers, or something else.

It wasn’t long before I gave up on my own ideas, looking up to Levi.

“Hey, give me an idea to draw. I can’t think of anything.”

He set down the book he held in his hands and sighed, looking to the ground for a moment before he answered me.

“Fine. Draw me, then.” Levi picked his book back up and began to read again, leaving me to stare at him in shock as he sat in silence.

I didn’t normally draw people I knew, let alone have someone ask me to draw them, to my own joy. I stuck to my own devices. Even with the feeling of my face growing hot from embarrassment and shock, I picked up my pencil and started drawing him without any more hesitation.

My hand already began to cramp after a half hour, but I didn’t stop at all. Every single line, dot, and curve had to be perfect. Levi barely even moved, luckily, so it was a lot easier for me to stay consistent with each detail. I finished the sketch fairly quick, but I found out that the shading and tiny details made it difficult. I had to switch pencils to accurately draw in his piercings and switch to yet another pencil to get his clothing dark enough in some places. 

After an hour, I finally finished, letting my pencils drop onto the bed. I slowly got up, careful not to smudge the drawing with my graphite- covered fingers. I set my sketchbook next to Levi, watching as he closed his book to look at it. His expression softened while he picked up the drawing, smiling just enough for me to notice it. Well, the closest thing I could possibly get to a smile.

I left him alone with the drawing while I went to go wash off my hands. It took me a minute to scrub off the last bits of graphite from my fingertips and the side of my hand, even with the hot water and soap. I watched the blackened water drip from my hands and wash down the drain for a few minutes before it was left as only a subtle stain instead. 

Levi was still staring at the drawing when I got back, clearly interested in it. I couldn’t help but smile at how content he looked; he didn’t seem annoyed like he normally was while flipping through whatever textbook or organising papers on his bed. I liked seeing him calm and happy as he was now or how he looked when we discussed what we like to do in our free time. The scowl on his face would fade, and it was great to see that warmth.

When he finally noticed me standing at the doorway, he rested his hand on the top of the page and began to speak.

“Do you mind if I go through this?”

“Nope. Not at all.”

I sat back down onto my own bed and cleaned up all the scattered pencils and erasers, organising them back into a little bag they were in before I started drawing. Quietly, I looked back up to Levi, only to notice how absorbed he was with every page. His fingers occasionally brushed over one drawing or the next, but the look of wonder never left his features with each drawing he saw.

A couple minutes passed by before he closed the book again and stood up to hand it to me.

“Those are all so amazing. Are you self taught or did you take classes?”

“Oh, I’m self taught. I was too busy with advanced classes in school to bother taking art lessons.” 

He was about to sit back on his bed before I said that. I could see the clear mix of irritation and confusion written all over his face, and I let out a nervous chuckle as he finally sat back down, crossing his arms over each other.

“You’re telling me you never took a single art class? Not one?”

“Not since elementary school, since, y’know, it was required. They didn’t let me in high school, and I didn’t have the option elsewhere.”

He huffed, grabbing a notebook and a couple pencils before he finally looked back up to me, the annoyance fading away into his usual expression.

“You’re extremely talented for never learning from any professional source. Now come on, class is starting soon.”

Levi already began to walk away, to the doorway, before I could even process the time. Once his words finally did set in, I grabbed my own pencil and notebook and followed him out of the room, making a few quick steps to catch up with him.

“Where’s the room?”

“Hush and follow me. I found my way around campus while you were eating breakfast for six hours straight.”

I nodded and continued walking with him, figuring it would be a better idea to be quiet than to say anything else. Soon enough, we made our way to the classroom without any issues arising on the way.

After all the colleges Armin, Mikasa, and I looked through, we only liked the idea of this one. Each class ran for four weeks, and the classes were all fairly small so it was easier to understand and discuss the material at hand. We had the weekends to do any homework and projects that were assigned and to study for the exam on the last day. It was recommended that you only do one at a time, but there weren’t any rules against doing multiple, as long as your schedule didn’t conflict. I had a feeling Levi was going to end up studying more than needed even with how short the classes were, but I wanted to take it easy.

Levi sat down next to me, and eight other people walked in after us alongside the professor. We all sat back and waited for the professor to say something, obvious tension and awkwardness of a fresh start in the air.

He finally introduced himself as Professor Pixis and asked us to all introduce ourselves. There was a petite, white-winged female named Christa, a taller woman sitting next to her that introduced herself as Ymir, a loud mouthed male (or female?) with eyeglasses that looked more like goggles who excitedly announced their name as Hanji, and everyone else who stated their names somewhat quieter. Petra, Bertholdt, Connie, Sasha, and Nanaba. I probably wouldn’t remember everyone.

Class started not long after the introductions, and I barely even kept track of the time anymore. It all passed by so quickly. I hadn’t even realised the three hours were already over and it was time to leave.

As Levi and I began to walk out of the room to return to our dorms, Hanji came up to us, nearly tackling Levi in the process. Their violet wings fluttered excitedly, and it was impossible to ignore their loud laughter.

“Hey, hey off of me, Goggles!”

“You didn’t tell me we were sharing a class, Levy-Li!”

“I swear to fuck, I’m going to snap your bones if you don’t get off of me, Hanji.”

Hanji finally backed away with a grin, holding their hands behind their back like a child. Levi brushed the invisible dirt off of himself and sighed frustratedly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes.

“I didn’t even  _ know  _ we were sharing a class,” Levi looked over to me before he continued talking, “Eren, this is Hanji. My ‘friend’ since elementary school. Hanji, this is my roommate Eren. Don’t make cute nicknames for him.”

“Too late. Eren, your new name is Pretty Boy. I mean, really; you’re so damn cute! Isn’t he, Levi?” Hanji squealed, making Levi groan in response.

“Uh, thanks...?”

Levi rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm, pulling me away from Hanji, who’d be staring into my eyes like they’d never seen a person before.

“Whoa, hold up,” I heard them say, this time in a normal volume compared to their previous shouting, “your wings.”

This time, I was the one to grab Levi’s arm, pulling him away. Even if it was something positive by some insane chance, I didn’t want to risk it. I already had Jean on me about it, and I didn’t need another person to comment and jab at me about them.

Soon enough, we made it back to our dorms. I sat back down on my own bed with a soft huff and watched as Levi laid down on his own, folding his arms over his chest.

“Sorry about Hanji. They get excited easily.” I mentally nodded, all of their expressions still engraved in my mind. They weren’t someone I was going to forget all too easily.

“You know, they seem like someone who’d be into chemistry.” I commented. Levi stood up almost instantly and walked over to me, leaning over my bed and looking into my eyes with an unreadable expression.

“You have to be a psychic. Hanji was supposed to be majoring in chemistry.”

“Shit, are you serious?” He nodded with a sigh and sat down on the edge of my bed, folding his hands in his lap. He went on to explain how much Hanji loved science, ever since they were both kids. They were the kind of person who’d take frogs home and freak out their parents and get a perfect grade in every science class. Levi actually had no clue why they were in our English class.

The conversation trailed off from the classes they were in to the years Levi and them spent together. They met in elementary school when Hanji was being bullied for being who their self, and Levi was the one to help them out. From there, Hanji never left his side. They had other mutual friends, of course, but they were close.

I like to think that everyone has a person to go to when they need it most. A person to rant and vent to, to cry with, to laugh with, maybe even to confess a murder to if you trust them that much. My person is Armin, though I’d never tell him I murdered anyone (if I ever did). From the sound of it, Hanji had always been Levi’s person.

“Did you two ever date or…?”

“Oh hell no,” Levi grimaced, leaning back onto my bed, uncaring of the fact that he was crushing my legs, “they’re not my type.”

“What is your type?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“For one, not violet wings. I don’t like the colour. A little less messy too and not so damn loud. Hanji’s like a megaphone.”

“What’s your ideal wing type then, since you don’t like violet?”

I could see a small smirk play on his lips before he responded.

“That’s easy. Yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the record, Sina University is actually based off of both the community college i'm attending currently to get my associate's degree and my dream one (Colorado College) i'll hopefully be going to in some years, so the class format is a bit odd. i didn't even realise how messy it was until i read back through and realised i pretty much merged two schools together wOOPS
> 
> and i'm sorry for the shorter chapter and longer wait because some shit hit the fan and i'm kinda single now, after a year and some months. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ it's all good though; i'm back and writing.
> 
> but yeah ! comments and votes are always appreciated. and, as always, let me know if i failed at editing something. <3


	5. Chapter Four

“But like he- and I- he just- Armin, stop laughing!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Armin was completely doubled over next to his bed, crying from laughing so hard at me and my suffering. I left not long after Levi shot me another compliment about my wings and went immediately to Armin’s dorm, much to the confusion of Marco, who’d never seen me before then. 

“Eren, he likes you.”

“He does  _ not. _ He likes my wings… not me.”

“Okay, I want you to think about this for a second longer: why would he only compliment part of you instead of all of you? From what you told me, he doesn’t seem like the kind of man that would compliment only a part of someone, let alone give compliments at all.”

I sighed. “You’re right, Armin. But I don’t understand why he would even like my wings- or me, or whatever he likes.”

Armin looked over at the time and gasped, standing up from his spot and grabbing a notebook and a few pencils.

“I’m going to be late for my class, goodness. You should get back to your potential boyfriend, Eren. I’m sure he’s waiting to shower you in more compliments when you walk back into the room.” With that, he shot me a wink and left me in the room with Marco, who was quietly laughing at the scene.

“I’m sorry to intrude, but are you having crush issues or…?” Marco commented, a bright smile on his cheeks.

“I don’t have a crush on anyone, and he definitely doesn’t have a crush on me. And anyway, crushes are like that silly thing you only get in junior high. Not as a college student with fucked up wings.”

“And you, friend of my room mate, sound like you’re in denial. Really awful denial, at that.” I groaned loudly and sat down on the edge of Armin’s bed, looking at Marco with a sharp glare. He was still smiling sweetly at me with his hands in his lap, and he waited a moment before speaking again.

“I know you’ve met my boyfriend already judging by the things Armin has told me, and I’m sure you probably think I’m insane for loving him considering he’s… not the nicest person to many, including you,” he started with a soft sigh, “but then I got to know him. When he complimented my wings, I almost thought he was being sarcastic, you know,” he paused and fluttered the sky blue wings his back held, “Over time, though, I saw how genuine he was being. Look where we are now.”

I couldn’t help but smile at least a bit at his story. Jean was a huge dick to me, but I guess everyone can be nice to some extent. I always believed that no person could be entirely evil to their core.

“Now, I won’t keep you here. Go on back to your dorm.” Marco chuckled, laying back on his bed with his laptop.

At that, I stood back up and left his room with a smile. I still had a bit of doubt on the entire situation, but I was glad that he shed a different light on it.

When I made it back to the dorm, Levi was laying down on his bed, listening to music and doing something on his phone. He was back to wearing that same scowl that I swore was imprinted into his face ninety percent of the time. It had practically become part of him to have that expression nearly all of the time.

He finally noticed I was there when I sat back down at my own bed, pulling out my notebook to review what we went over in class and revise the notes that I took.

“Where did you run off to?” He asked, looking over to me.

“Oh, um, just to talk to a friend?”

“So suddenly?”

“Y-yeah. I needed to talk to him about something important.”

Levi narrowed his eyes at me, obviously not very convinced with what I said. He didn’t say anything else though, rolling his eyes and looking back at his phone.

The rest of the night passed by in relative silence, the occasional shuffling of papers being the only sounds made from our dorm. In fact, the rest of the week seemed to pass by like that too. Levi didn’t talk too much to me, our only conversations being ‘hey, what was the homework for tonight’ and ‘my pencil rolled over to you; can you grab it?’. I didn’t enjoy the quietness that much, honestly. Even in class and clubs, he didn’t say all too much to me.

I had a feeling that something was bothering him, but I couldn’t once bring myself to asking him. It was better for me to stay out of it. There’s no good in prying if you don’t know someone well enough to pry in the first place. I’m sure he would talk to Hanji about whatever was on his mind, anyway.

That weekend, it rained. Actually, to say it rained is a major understatement. It  _ poured _ . The entire drive back to my home was awful. The streets were all flooded, and I could barely see a few metres ahead of my car. Mikasa wanted me to stay at the campus for the sake of safety, but I wanted to see my mother face to face instead of talking over the phone. It wasn’t long after I first made it to Sina, of course, but that didn’t change anything for me.

Every street was slick with rain, my windshield barely stayed clear for a full minute, and the sky was a dark grey. Part of me absolutely hated the awful weather, but I couldn’t deny how much I loved it at the same time. The faint smell of rain wafted into my car, and the pattering raindrops against the roof and windows complimented the songs I had playing. Despite the potential disaster that could come from driving in such awful weather, I still managed to feel relaxed.

It took a total of three hours instead of two to get back home. The streets by my home weren’t nearly as bad as the ones I drove on at first, partly because the rain died down, but they still had a steady stream flowing down the edge of the sidewalk.

Getting out of the car, I had to be quick to make sure none of my things became waterlogged. I stuffed my phone into the waistband of my jeans along with my headphones so they weren’t fully exposed to all the water coming from the sky. I took my bag of clothes and other essentials from the trunk of my car, bolting to the front door once it was my hand and the car was locked. 

I took the key from the front pocket of my jeans and unlocked the door, jogging into the house before I could get anymore soaked.

My mother was already by the doorway, and it took her a full second to process that all of my clothes were dripping wet from the one minute I was outside in the rain. Before she even said hello, I watched her disappear around a corner, coming back a minute later with a few towels in her arms.

I took a moment to set down my bags as my mother started drying me off. She was thorough with my hair, pat down my shirt, and dried my pants, looking back up to me with a warm smile.

“Welcome home, Eren.”

She lead me into the house, explaining that my father was still at work- no surprise- and that she made muffins for me again, the reason being that I survived the first week of college. We both sat down at the kitchen table with muffins in front of us as she began asking me questions, all of which I expected coming from her.

“How was class? Is the professor good? Did your schedule work out?”

“Class went fine, our professor is great, and my schedule is alright. Armin and Mikasa are doing well, too.” I took a bite of my muffin and smiled softly. 

My mother was always supportive of Armin and Mikasa. She treated them like they were her children, giving them food whenever they came over. My father was nice to them too, of course, but my mother was always checking up on them, asking how they were if they didn’t come over to our house that week. Armin really adored my mother, a bit more than Mikasa. He would help her cook meals and clean around the house whenever possible, even though she insisted that he didn’t have to at all. We felt like a family.

“Oh! And do you have any roommates?” I could see an even brighter smile grow on her face, and I had to will away the blush I knew was threatening to show.

“Yeah, I have one. His name is Levi.”

“He’s being nice to you, right? No problems?” There was some concern laced into her voice, and I could immediately tell it was because she was concerned about my wings, more than Levi himself. I expected it, so the subject didn’t bother me all that much. She would always be worried about my wellbeing, regardless of how old I was.

“He’s fine, Mother. I’ve only had one person be rude to me, but I dealt with it just fine. We don’t even share any classes anyways. You don’t have to worry.”

“It’s my job to worry about my only son, you know. If you weren’t safe, I don’t know what I would do with myself.”

“I know. I’ll stay safe, okay?” I gently reached across the table and set my hand on hers, flashing her the most reassuring smile I could possibly form.

My father asked the same questions that my mother did when he came back home an hour later. He was pleased with every answer and didn’t go on too much about it, leaving to go and watch television after the day’s work. Both my mother and I joined him shortly after, sitting and enjoying the comedy playing on the screen.

We didn’t really do too much as a family anymore. It was easier when I was a little kid who wanted nothing but to go out for ice cream every weekend and ride the roller coasters at the amusement park an hour away. I was satisfied by the littlest things and didn’t have anything better to do because of the lack of homework and transportation. 

As the years went on, I had to start skipping out on ice cream to get weekend projects done and to study for final exams all the time. I didn’t have the time to enjoy after school hours and summer breaks. All that was on my mind were my grades. Getting A’s in every class was more important than kicking back and relaxing as I wished to do.

Of course, my parents didn’t always enjoy that. They saw the amount of pressure I was putting on myself to succeed and insisted on inviting Armin and Mikasa over for dinner and a movie or going out to a concert. More often than not, the times that they came over were spent studying until we all passed out in the living room from exhaustion.

I was happy to finally get into Sina University. The acceptance rate was rather low, and I was nervous about being rejected. My parents were proud of me for that. All the extra work I put in finally paid off. I had back up options, of course, but I’m not sure if I could have dealt with the feeling of rejection after putting so much effort in.

The summer before school started was spent with my family as much as possible. Even if it was going to watch a movie down the street for a few hours or going on a walk in a park, it was something. Part of me wanted to throw it all away because it was childish, but I savoured every moment, knowing that I wouldn’t be at home all that much longer.

Suddenly, someone shook my shoulder, making me open my eyes, though I hadn’t even realised that they were closed in the first place. 

“Hey, maybe you should head to bed. You fell asleep, and it wouldn’t be good for your neck to sleep on the couch.” My mother gave me a warm smile and walked off. It was then that I noticed the television was off and no one else was in the room. Doing as she said, I stood up and made my way down a hallway to brush my teeth, change, and go to sleep.

There wasn’t much left in my room. My bed, a mostly empty dresser, a lamp, and a rug. It’s not like I needed all that much, after all. It was easier for me to live on campus, so I brought most of my belongings there. The only things I brought with me were changes in clothes, toothpaste, and a toothbrush, all of which were in a plastic bag.

It only took a few minutes for me to get ready for bed, and soon enough, I was climbing into my little bed. The memory foam mattress and warm blankets helped me drift off until I could feel the sweet embrace of sleep take over my body. 

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of something saccharine being made in the kitchen, though I couldn’t tell exactly what it was. I rolled out of my bed and trudged to the kitchen to see my father sitting at the table with his phone, probably checking the weather or reading up on the news, and my mother cooking. 

“Morning.” I mumbled, sitting down at the kitchen table. My father flashed me a quick smile, and my mother said a soft good morning back, saying that she was making some pancakes (and of course a few more muffins for me to take on the road). 

All of the things were set out on the table a little while after. The plates stacked with pancakes, the bottle of maple syrup, and some drinks for us to pour as well. Breakfast was pretty quiet, aside from casual talk about Sina University, about work for my father, about Armin and Mikasa, as usual.

I told my parents about the professor, a bit more about Levi (though I entirely avoided the whole ‘he likes my wings’ situation), and made sure to give any information on Mikasa and Armin that I could. My mother was happy to hear that Mikasa found a potential mate, though my father stayed quiet through most of the conversation. It was like him to not say much, only commenting on important things. He always cared about what was going on in my life, even if he didn’t say much to express it. His actions spoke far louder than his words ever did.

Breakfast was finished in half an hour, leaving everyone to put away the dirty dishes to wash later on and place everything else where it belonged. I went back down the hallway to get a quick shower and brush my teeth, get changed too, then gathered my bags, knowing I’d have to get back to the university that same day. I found my mother by the front door when I had all of my things together.

“Make sure to call me, okay? And let me know if anything goes wrong with your roommate. I need to be updated.” She smiled brightly, though I could see the faintest hints of sadness mixed in.

“I’ll call you, I promise. And I’ll try to visit here with Armin and Mikasa next month. I would visit more often if the drive wasn’t so long.” I chuckled softly, seeing a wider smile grow on my mother’s lips.

“Now, now. I won’t hold you back from doing your thing out there. Go on ahead to campus, okay? Stay safe and have fun.” She kissed my forehead gently and sent me off with a muffin and a final ‘good luck’. 

With that, I headed out the door to my car with my bag in one hand and the muffin in the other. I unlocked my car and threw my bag in the trunk then hopped in the front and started the two hour drive back to campus.

The same feeling of anxiety washed over me when I returned to the campus. The stares I received walking anywhere always made me uncomfortable, but I tried to ignore them. Even though I had to deal with it all my life, it still pained me to have all eyes on me, staring holes into my back. It was easier to deal with the verbal comments, but I still found that difficult to ignore entirely.   


I finally made it back to the dorms without anyone trying to approach me like Jean did when we first met. I was the first one back into our room, judging by Levi’s tidied bed and the lack of unpacked items. Then again, he usually kept his area clean no matter what. There was never a speck of dust around his side of the room. And, because of that, I made a point to keep my own stuff somewhat clean and organised.

Levi walked into the dorm about half an hour after I arrived, looking even more annoyed than usual for some reason, and of course, with my inability to stop asking questions at not-so-great times, I asked what was wrong without a second thought.

He shot me a vicious glare, starting to explain what left him looking the way he did.

“That damned piss from the sky over the weekend ruined my earbuds and phone. I’m stuck with this shit for music,” he gestured to the bright white stereo headphones around his neck and pulled out a tiny device from his pocket, “It’s an MP3 player, Eren. One that I’m sure hasn’t been used since Jamestown was fucking founded.”

I made a soft ‘o’ with my mouth, saying nothing more, though I was tempted to laugh at him. He sat down on his bed with a huff, pulling his headphones onto his ears and fiddling with the music player that was smaller than his hands (though his hands were already small enough, I noticed).

I took the silence as an excuse to leave with a pencil and a sketchbook, walking off to visit Armin and maybe Mikasa. First, though, would definitely be Armin. Chances are, Mikasa would be with Annie. 

Armin opened the door a minute after I arrived and knocked, smiling brightly when he noticed it was me. He stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, explaining that we should walk around since Jean and Marco were talking in there. He didn’t want me to have to deal with Jean.

“How is Carla doing?” Armin asked with a smile. I let him know earlier in the week that I was going to see my mother, so it came as no surprise that he asked how she was.

“She’s doing well. Happy to hear that Mikasa might have a mate and really happy to hear that you’re doing well.” We kept walking until we made it outside, around the back of the building where there weren’t many people. The two of us sat down in the grass, backs against a large tree. I opened up to a clean page in my sketchbook and began to sketch out the scene in front of us.

It was large and open, green and bright with the sun shining down on the trees and grass in front of us. The only sounds seemed to be the rustling of tree leaves from the light wind in the air and, obviously, the sound of our voices in the open space.

“Did you tell her about Jean? Oh, and about Levi too?”

“I told her about the whole Jean thing and a little on Levi too.”

Armin pouted slightly, looking over to me. “You didn’t tell her about the whole compliment situation, did you?”

“Nope.” He sighed, leaning against my shoulder to watch me draw.

“Why not?”

“Just in case things don’t work out. I don’t want her to be super happy for me if it doesn’t work out in the end.”

“That’s true…” I could see the disappointment written all over his face, but I brushed it off. 

“I’ll tell her if things get better, though.”

“Good. Now, is there anything else that went on between you two?”

I thought for a moment before putting down my pencil. I knew I would regret showing him, but I turned the page to the drawing of Levi I made.

“He asked me draw him. Wanted to see how good I was at art and all that… so I drew him, like he wanted.”

As I knew would happen, Armin grinned and immediately started going on, gushing and squealing over the fact that I already drew him. ‘This has to mean something’, ‘you don’t just casually draw something without liking them’, ‘admit that you have a crush’, ‘you’re blushing again, Eren’.

“Yes, I drew him. No, I don’t like him. It’s only been a week; I need more time to think about it.”

“But you’re going to think about it, right?” When I looked over to him, there wasn’t a way I could miss the hopeful glimmer in his eyes. He really wanted this to work out for me.

“I’m going to think about it. Promise.”

“Good.” Armin grinned and continued to watch me draw, staying quiet after my promise.

We both stayed there until the air grew cold and the light began to fade, and I luckily finished the drawing before then. The two of us stood up and made our way inside, walking back to the dorms with a farewell.   


I walked back in the room with my pencil and sketchbook in my hands only to stop right at the doorway. Levi was laying on his bed with his eyes closed, hands resting on his stomach, but the thing that caught me off guard the most was that he was  _ singing. _

Levi, of all people, was singing along loudly to his music. 

I could faintly hear the music from his headphones, and from what I could hear, it was some sort of electronic song. I didn’t think he would be a person for electronic music of all possible things. Country almost seemed more likely than that.

I slowly walked in and sat on the bed, watching his body move ever so slightly on the bed with every word he sang. When the song ended, he opened his eyes and shifted a bit. It was at that moment he noticed me and jumped up, headphones flying off of his head and the cord wrapping around his neck as the tiny MP3 player fell onto the floor with a thud.

“Jesus shitsticks, Eren, how long have you been here?” He rested a hand on his heart and picked up the device from the floor, then unwrapping the headphones from his neck.

“Long enough to listen to you sing,” I chuckled, “what song was that?”

“Cascades by Metric...” he muttered, face turning a soft red. He completely looked away from me.

“Okay but you, Levi fucking Ackerman, listen to electronic. And sing.”

“Shut up.”

I laughed as he shot me a sharp glare, folding his arms over his chest with a soft huff. I could see the slight pout on his lips, and that only made me laugh harder.

“Like really though, Levi. You give off such a rock and roll vibe, maybe even heavy metal or alternative. Upbeat electronic totally doesn’t fit you at all.”

“I know, I know…” He grumbled, rolling his eyes. 

“You do have a good voice though…” I didn’t mean to say it out loud. It sort of slipped from my lips, but I could see how a darker blush covered his cheeks.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Yeah, um, sure.”

There was a moment of silence before he finally spoke again. 

“Are you okay with me giving you compliments?” His question threw me off

“Of course I am… why wouldn’t I be?”

“You run off most of the time, and you seem uncomfortable any time I do.” He was still looking away from me, but the usual paleness of his cheeks returned instead of the blush that stained them a minute before. He didn’t wait for me to say anything else, going on with what he was saying.

“I won’t compliment your wings if you don’t want me to.”

“No, no, it’s cool. It’s just that um… well… you’re sort of… I’m…”

“Yes, I know. You’re gay. So am I,” he said while rolling his eyes. He continued seriously afterwards, “Your wings are pretty to me. I’m a fan of unique things, and your wings are unique- not ugly. You’re not used to people saying that, so you run off to one of your little friends and go on about how strange it is. I’m very well aware of that, Eren.”

Silence entirely filled the air while I thought of something to say.

“Looks like you’re the psychic now, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay um wow that was long jesus. i didn't mean to write that much but oo p s
> 
> anyways, comments and kudos are always appreciated ! and thank you so much for over a thousand hits already, my goodness. o:
> 
> let me know if i need to fix anything !!


	6. Chapter Five

I held off on talking to Armin that night after Levi spoke to me. It was true that I did tell him a lot of what happened between me and Levi, mainly from the shock of the entire situation at hand. People don’t casually compliment my wings. It’s not that I didn’t want him to compliment them; it’s more that I wasn’t used to the praise he gave me.

Because I didn’t want to go run off to Armin, I stayed in the dorm the rest of the night, reading over my notes once more while listening to music. Levi continued fiddling with his MP3 player and reading, leaving silence between us. It was another hour or two of that before we went to sleep.

The next morning, Mikasa came by our dorm to ask if I wanted to have breakfast with her and Armin, maybe Annie too. I had a feeling it would become a weekly tradition for us to eat together. Like the last time, I asked Levi if he wanted to come along, but he denied the invitation, instead going back to sleep. I shrugged him off and left the room, walking with Mikasa to go get Armin from his room.

Armin, of course, tagged along as I expected, walking with us to the food court. There were more people there than the last time, considering we dropped by earlier in the day. The three of us grabbed trays full of pastries and fresh fruit, sitting back down at a nearby table. I didn’t pay all that much attention to anyone, grabbing one of the muffins and taking a bite out of it before anyone could stop me.

“Not as good as my mom’s.” I muttered underneath my breath. Mikasa still managed to hear me.

“I know right. And didn’t you go to see Carla this past weekend? Is she doing well? What about Grisha? Is he working too hard?”

“They’re both doing great. Father hasn’t been working too hard,” I said with a smile, much to the relief of Mikasa, “I told my mother that you found Annie and that Armin’s been fine too. She’s proud of us all for getting into Sina and doing well in our classes.”

Mikasa smiled brightly, picking whatever else up from the tray and beginning to eat it. I always enjoyed seeing her happy. It was rare to see her down, but it was even more rare to see her on top of the world instead of underneath it.

“How are you and uh… what’s his face, with the damn piercings…?”

“L-Levi. My roommate’s name is Levi, Mika-”

“Yeah, how’re you and Levi doing?”

“We’re doing fine…” I shoved another piece of muffin into my mouth, staring down at the table. When I looked back up, Mikasa was giving me a skeptical look and Armin looked as if he were going to burst from all the excitement he was holding in.

“Just ‘fine’? Nothing bad or anything like that? I don’t need to hurt him?” She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head at just the right angle for her bangs to cast a shadow over her face, making her look even more like an angry mother bear than usual.

“For god’s sake, Mikasa don’t murder him. I don’t have the money to bail you out of jail. I still need to pay for my classes.” I chuckled in hopes of lightening the mood, keeping my eyes up while I ate another bite of my muffin. 

“He already gave the death stare to me, Eren. I don’t like him.”

“You don’t have to like him; he’s not  _ your  _ roommate.”

At that, Mikasa huffed lightly, finishing whatever food she had in her hand. I wasn’t sure whether or not to let her know that he had complimented me multiple times because it could go either way: she would either hug me and be proud of me finding a potential mate or flip out in rage, saying he’s trying to use me. So, against my better judgement, I didn’t say a word as she got up and left, leaving me with Armin at the table.

“You’re not going to tell her about the whole Levi thing, are you?”

“No, not yet. I need a bit of time. I’m not sure how she’s going to respond.”

“Fair enough.” It was Armin’s turn to stand up, holding a single chocolate chip muffin in his right hand. I looked back down to the tray of food and picked up the few things that were left, carrying them with me and eating more as we walked. 

We strolled around the halls in no set direction, Armin talking about his classes and what it was like to share a room with Marco (and nearly Jean too, from how often he stopped by now). He’d been managing, as he put it. Marco was great to be around, especially for studying and for positive vibes. They shared a similar taste in music, too, and Armin didn’t have any reason to hate him. Jean, unfortunately, was the exact opposite and made it impossible for him to focus when he was in the room.

Apparently he loved laughing loudly, interrupting any conversations Armin and Marco were having, and- much to Armin’s disgust- having random make out sessions with hiss boyfriend, even if he protested and tried to tell him ‘later’. 

“He practically tries eating Marco’s face off like some rabid animal, oh my goodness gracious. It’s absolutely disgusting in every way imaginable. I swear if they ever take it a step further while I’m around, I’m coming to your dorm and sleeping underneath your bed, Eren.” I couldn’t help but laugh at Armin’s expression. I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not, and that only made it funnier.

“Anyways, that’s enough about me. How are your classes, and how are you and Levi doing?” Armin checked the time before leading me outside to talk before our classes started. He sat in the grass with a huge smile, leaning against a tree while looking to me.

I sat down in front of him, leaning back on my hands with my fingers combing through the grass. I let a small sigh leave my lips as I spoke to him. “Classes are okay. There’s this person Hanji who keeps trying to bring up my wings, but I keep avoiding them at all costs. This girl Ymir is a bit rude though, especially when you come around her when she’s with Christa. I’m pretty sure they’re mates. Everyone else is pretty nice and kind of quiet, for the most part. 

“The professor is pretty cool too, but there’s a lot of work. As for Levi… Levi’s pretty helpful in studying, since he takes thorough notes and pays attention more than I do. Oh, and it turns out he can sing too. I walked in on him singing to some electronic song yesterday. And then we talked… He asked if I was okay with compliments because I run off when he says something nice about them. I guess he picked up pretty quickly that I’m not used to it, huh?”

I finally broke off, knowing that I was rambling without end. Armin took a deep breath, staring up at the leaves on the trees as if they were going to magically give him answers to everything on his mind. He tapped his fingers rhythmically on the ground and took a minute to respond to me.

“It’s up to you to become accustomed to it, Eren. I’m sure he actually, genuinely likes your wings and he’s not playing you. Like I said the last time, he doesn’t seem like the kind of person to compliment only one part of you, let alone give compliments at all. If he does end up being some manipulative jerk, I’m sure Mikasa will murder him, but for now, you should try to enjoy it a bit more. Give some compliments back too every once in awhile because I’m sure you two will probably end up being together in the end.”

I could feel the slightest bit of heat rise to my cheeks at what he said. I knew that Levi could tolerate me, yes, but the thought of us being anymore than acquaintances was… overwhelming. More than overwhelming, so early on.

At that, we both stood up, deciding it was best to head off to our classes. I went back to the dorm first, of course, grabbing my notebook and walking with Levi as usual. We were the first two people in the room, again, our professor walking in a moment later, along with all the others.

The lessons always seemed to go by so quickly, every bit of information managing to stick despite the fast pace we dealt with. Levi was always faster at taking notes and much neater with them too, so I had to copy notes from him in the case that I hadn't copied down something correctly.

At the end of class, we left the room together, holding notebooks and pencils in hand. Ever since the first interaction with them, Levi and I made a point to avoid Hanji as we left, but that day we weren't as fortunate. 

They grabbed my arm with a grin, and I tried to pull away, but their grip was like a vice.

“Aw, come on Pretty Boy! Don't leave me. I'm not the plague, you know.”

Levi tried to push Hanji away while I stood there in displeasure, my arm losing blood flow and my bone cracking from their grip. 

“I won't ask about your wings again.” 

At that, I froze up. Levi looked even more annoyed than I did moments before. 

“What do you want, Goggles?”

“Just to talk. Is it that bad to want a friend?”

“Yes.” Levi yanked my arm out of Hanji’s grasp, beginning to drag me away.

“Wait, please,” Hanji called after us, “I don't mean harm. I won't make fun of your wings or anything like that if that's what you're concerned about. I jus’ wanna talk.”

With a heavy sigh, I gave in. I turned around to face Hanji, much to Levi’s dismay. They had a wide grin on their face, and they stuck their hands in their pockets, huffing triumphantly. With pride in their steps, they walked over to Levi and I, stopping in front of us and cocking their hip to one side.

“Nice to know you two were convinced by my charm.”

“Shut up before I change my mind.” Levi sighed and folded his arms over his chest, starting to walk away from our classroom. 

“Come on, Levy-Li, you can't be mad at me. You two seem like besties, and I wanna join in!”

We didn't get very far before Levi stopped in his tracks, giving Hanji a questioning- maybe more judgemental- look.

“I'm sorry. Did you just say ‘besties’?”

Hanji only nodded, a smile still on their face. Levi looked as if he were about to stab Hanji. I was even sure of the fact that he wouldn’t regret it afterwards.

I had no idea where we were walking, but Levi stayed almost entirely silent on our walk. Hanji, on the other hand, kept asking questions, all of which I had to answer thanks to Levi’s stubbornness. 

“Are you two roommates?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you know each other before?

“Nope.”

“Are you dating yet?”

“N- wait, why would you ask something like that?” I nearly shouted, looking over to Hanji, who wore a lopsided smile on their face. I could feel heat bloom onto my face, and I swore in the short moment that I glanced over to Levi, I could see pink on his face too.

“Well, Levi  _ is  _ gay. And he hasn’t had a boyfriend since high school. He’s super single and ready to mingle if you swing that way too, Eren.” Hanji replied with a wink, and I couldn’t tell whether they were joking or serious about it. Before I had the chance to say anything to them, Levi cut in.

“Who said I was interested in anyone?”

“Me, Levi.” 

With a deep sigh, Levi took my arm and lead me back to the dorm before Hanji could follow, practically throwing me in as he shut the door behind us. I heard him mumble something about Hanji being a nuisance as he sat down on his bed. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked up to me.

“I’m sorry about Hanji. They’re such a pain in the ass, especially with relationships. Always trying to hook me up with someone.”

“Don’t worry about it, Levi,” I flashed him a reassuring smile, sitting on my own bed and facing him, “It’s fine.”

“You sure?”

I nodded. The question threw me off guard, but I didn’t mind enough to say anything about it. They didn’t bother me about my wings, so that already made things better. Levi seemed to be the only one bothered by the relationship thing. 

I didn’t bother asking him about it, but it was only because I bit my tongue before deciding to. Levi was already laying back on his bed, setting up his headphones and MP3 player; it would be even worse to disturb him when he doesn’t want to talk.

Though, I wouldn’t deny that I was curious as to why he was so sensitive to the subject.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life's been kicking my ass, so here's a short-ish filler chapter since i haven't updated in an eternity. please let me know if i made any errors; i barely edited this.
> 
> as always, kudos/ comments/ feedback are appreciated. thanks.


	7. Chapter Six

Some days passed by. Levi and I didn't talk much after Hanji went on about our non-existent relationship. He put on his headphones as he studied, walked a bit ahead of me on our way to the classroom, and overall seemed quiet. It bothered me. It wasn’t until Jean showed up that he started talking to me again, maybe even more than I expected him to.

The two of us were on our way to class when Jean ran into us, as if life decided it was a good decision to make. It would've been a bigger deal to me if we were late for class, but Levi and I always left the dorm early. Time wasn't an issue, but I still tried to brush him off as quickly as I could. With Jean being Jean, though, that didn't happen.

He persisted with the usual immature insults and stupid facial expressions, trying to annoy me like some stereotypical high school bully (which I'm sure he was not many months before we met). Levi ignored us for the most part, walking ahead like nothing was going on behind him. It wasn't until Jean insulted Levi that he turned around, shooting daggers from his eyes with an expression far colder than Mikasa could pull off.

"What did you say about me?"

"That your wings are just as damn abnormal as Jaeger's here. Who the hell has dark coloured ones?"

"Says the one with shit for wings." Jean immediately shrunk back, trying to hide his very obvious, large brown wings, though he couldn't move them completely out of view. He made an even more disgusted scowl, folding his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, whatever. I guess yours aren't as bad as  _his._ " He jerked his chin towards me, rolling his eyes to exaggerate his revulsion even more. Levi stopped in his tracks for a moment, looking over me with a raised eyebrow before walking over to the two of us, his expression dark and cold as he spoke to Jean.

"Explain to me how Eren's are that bad."

"Well... that one is bent. And a different colour. It's not the same as the other one."

"You literally sound like a fucking kindergartener. Get the hell out of my face, shit-for-wings." Without another word, Levi grabbed my arm, tugging me along to our class. Jean hunched his shoulders up, muttering something about me before he walked off, probably to go see Marco in his dorm.

There were already a few people in the room by the time we arrived, Hanji being one of them. Their expression lightened up for only a second before they noticed Levi's scowl that- after Jean- was more intense than usual. They mouthed a 'what's wrong?' to me, but I only shrugged to avoid having to explain everything that happened moments ago, sitting down next to Levi at our usual spot while we waited for class to start.

As usual, class went by fairly quick, no issues popping up to make life worse for anyone there. Levi and I left the room before Hanji did, probably for the sake of once again avoiding what happened with the two of us and Jean.

It was the day after the incident with Jean that I realised how big of an impact it had on Levi- even more than it affected me. Not only did he walk right by my side on our way to class everyday, but he took an entirely different route to get there. Though he ignored me after our talk with Hanji, he began talking to me more than he ever had, trying to bring up anything he possibly could about my life, whether that was Armin and Mikasa, my own family, or even more on my taste in music now that I knew what he was into. The only thing that didn't change was his reluctance to eat breakfast with me, Armin, and Mikasa in the morning.

A full week of that passed by, and I grew to love it more and more, even by the chance that it was only out of pity for what Jean had said to me. It was just the two of us, all the time. Levi and Mikasa hadn't seen each other since their first meeting, but it was also around ten one night that he met Armin for the first time.

Armin had knocked on the door and walked in without a word. He looked somewhat flustered, maybe a bit annoyed too, and before I could ask what was wrong, he already started to explain why he was in our room.  
  
"Marco and Jean are... a bit loud." His face only turned a bright red at the vague but clear explanation, and I saw Levi raise an eyebrow at him as he sat down on the side of my bed. Out of boredom (and because I wanted to, of course), I decided to tease him. I always found it amusing to make him flustered.

"Oh... A bit loud at what?"

"Y-you know... they're loud with the whole... thing." Levi snorted and covered his mouth with his hand, watching Armin's face turn an even brighter red.

"I'm sorry, what's this 'thing' you're talking about?" I asked.

"Come on, you know what I'm referring to."

"Do I?" I tried to keep an innocent expression, but it was growing harder by the second. The sharp glare Armin gave me wasn't helping in the least.

"Yes, you do." By now, I could see the very obvious amusement on Levi's face as Armin grew more and more embarrassed to talk about why he was in our dorm room.

"You know exactly what I mean, Eren."

"Oh," I finally grinned, looking to Armin in fake shock, "did you mean  _sex?_ "

"But it's weird talking about other people!" He whined loudly, burying his face into his hands, "Gosh, I just want to sleep under your bed or on the floor or something for the night. I can't stand being around them for more than a minute."

Levi finally cleared his throat, making the two of us look over to him. Both of his eyebrows were raised, and he wore an expression of both confusion and amusement on his face.

"So, you're the famous Armin I've heard so much about?"

Armin instantly turned an even darker red, though I hadn't even thought that it was possible. He nodded shyly, standing up and offering his hand to shake. I could see his wings quiver slightly, probably caught off by Levi's intimidating appearance. He only relaxed when Levi took his hand, giving it a light shake before pulling away. Armin sat back down on my bed with a smile, the previous redness on his cheeks fading.

"And you're the Levi I've heard so much about, right?"

"Does Eren talk about me that much?"

I shot a warning glare to Armin immediately, but that didn't stop the wide grin that spread across his face. I didn't miss him mouth the word 'revenge' before he clapped his hands, smiling to Levi.

"Ah, of course he does! He loves having you around as a roommate, you know. I would even go as far as saying he  _adores_ it."

Levi looked at me with a questioning gaze, and I nudged Armin with my elbow, earning a hiss of pain but an even wider grin.

"What does he say about me, then?"

"That you're handsome, that your wings are absolutely beautiful, that you have a nice voice and you're really cool to draw, and you're-"

"Okay, Armin, that's enough." I said through gritted teeth, though I didn't say it with any true malice. I could practically feel the way my face was burning in embarrassment, but that only fueled the annoyingly wide grin on Armin's face. He was even worse than Hanji.

When I looked back to Levi, I noticed the slightest shade of pink covering his cheeks, and that only served to make my own face burn more and my heart pound harder and beat faster. Armin looked happy with himself, sitting up with pride in his posture and a triumphant grin on his face.

"That's good to know, I guess." Levi shrugged a bit, sitting back on his bed more comfortably. The pinkness on his cheeks had faded away after a minute, and he looked to us both, an air of awkwardness starting to arise.

"And Armin, you can sleep on my bed for the night. I don't really mind." I finally said to break the stiff silence. Armin smiled brightly and let out a sigh of relief as he laid himself down on my bed, curling up under a blanket. I heard him mutter something resembling a thanks while he closed his eyes, and before I knew it, he was already asleep.

He always managed to fall asleep so quickly and I never knew how. When we would sleep at each other's houses through high school, he always fell asleep before I did, no matter what. In a way, I absolutely envied that he was able to do that. Sometimes it would take an hour or two for me to even start drifting to sleep, but he was out like a light within a few minutes. Part of me didn't mind it though because I always loved having silence to think in before I went to bed.

When I looked back to Levi, he was sorting all of his things, putting them into the places they needed to be. He began to speak quieter, probably making sure that he wouldn't wake Armin.

"So that's your best friend, huh?"

"Yeah. We've known each other for a while now."

"And was what he said true?"

I stayed silent for a minute, feeling the slightest amount of heat begin to rise to my face all over again. I almost wished that Armin would've kept quiet.

"Kind of?" I muttered, refusing to look at Levi. I heard his small huff o]and watched him fold his arms over his chest from the corner of my eye, but he didn't really respond to me.

He said something about going to sleep, soon standing up to go and get changed. While he was gone, I got changed into my own clothes for the night and slid into bed, careful not to hit into Armin. Levi walked back in a minute later, turning off the lights and getting into his own bed without a word.

Something in the silence bothered me, and before I could even believe the words that left my own mouth, I spoke into the darkness.

"Go to lunch with me tomorrow, Levi."

"What?"

"We... we don't have class tomorrow, and we might as well talk. And I don't mean the whole 'talking more thanks to Jean' thing. Let's just go out and eat at a café or something and chat. We're roommates, after all. I want to know the guy I'll be living with for a while."

There was no response after that. All I could hear was the deafening silence of a sleeping person in my bed and another person who remained quiet. Taking that as a blatant 'no', I closed my eyes and snuggled into the bedsheets, expecting to hear nothing more for the night. But maybe, I need to have more faith in the world.

"I'll go to lunch with you then. Now get some sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this chapter is shorter (and pretty shitty), but i posted chapter seven at the same time, which is a longer (and pretty nice). so uh.. go ahead and enjoy that.


	8. Chapter Seven

 By the time I woke up the next morning, Armin had already left our room. Levi was sitting awake in bed with a textbook in his lap and a highlighter in his hand, probably studying for an upcoming exam. He didn't notice me sitting up, and I was glad for that. The memories of the night before rushed through me all at once, and I began to regret asking him out to lunch.

It's not like it was a date or anything like that. A date is for people who are 'date-ing'. We were only doing the 'ing' part of that- not the 'date' part. Lunch would be a completely platonic, friendly time out with my roommate since we didn't know each other well and we both needed a break from the stress of classes. Nothing more than that, nothing less. I had no reason to worry about it, but it didn't stop my face from burning up at the idea alone.

Levi finally looked over to me after a few minutes, muttering a good morning to me before continuing to study. Maybe it was a good idea; I could take his mind off of studying for the afternoon. Spending all day staring at a textbook is never fun.

I checked the time on my phone, only to see that it was almost eleven. I muttered under my breath, immediately getting up to get a shower and get dressed for the day. On my way out the door, I couldn't help but notice that Levi was already fully dressed. That didn't help my heart slow down at all.

My shower took longer than normal, mainly because I stood in there, contemplating my choices like I did when I first woke up instead of actually showing through most of it. It was stress relief, it was because we're friends, we barely even know each other so it's best that we know each other better since we'll be sharing the same room for the rest of the year- my mind tried its best to make sense of it all.

After another half hour, I finally managed to get dressed, grabbing a few things to stuff into my pockets before we left. Levi put away all of his study materials, finally standing up from his bed.

"Finally ready to go?" I only nodded, silently taking a deep breath as we walked out the door to the room.

We walked for awhile in silence as we left the building, not speaking until we were close to leaving the campus. Levi had asked if we were going to drive or not, and I suggested that we walked to our destination instead of drive, since there weren't many places to park in the nearby city. Traffic could be a bit heavy, too, so it would be easier to take the sidewalks. The place wasn't too far from the campus so the walk wouldn't be far, and it was fairly warm outside, which I was glad for. Sure, it was only the beginning of autumn, but that meant the air would grow cold soon enough.

It's not that I hated autumn, but I hated the cold. The trees were always so beautiful when they turned to vibrants reds and oranges, and the smell of pumpkins and cinnamon always warmed my heart. Fall fashion is always great with boots and scarves, and I love to draw all the scenery around me through the season. I just hate the damn bitter cold.

"Anywhere specific in mind?" Levi cut me out of the thoughts I was lost in, making me look over to him.

"O-oh, uh, no. I was just going to look around... I'm sure there's decent café somewhere around here."

"Going out to lunch without a plan, huh? I'm not sure whether I like it or hate it."

"Well, if the café is nice, then I'm sure you'll love my non-existent plan."

Luckily, we didn't wander around for very long before the two of us decided on a little place called Rose Café a little further down the street from where we were. We walked in without any hesitation.

The café was simple, nice. All the walls were painted a clean white, and there were large windows on almost every wall to let light in, giving the whole place an almost airy feel. Potted plants hung from the walls, and the tables were a beautiful light wood, the black metal holding them contrasting with the entire place but somehow blending perfectly.

Levi fully walked in, calling my name since I was stuck staring at the scenery around me. I walked after him, looking to the counter.

"Go choose a table. I'll order for you. What do you want?" He turned and faced me, waiting for a response.

"French vanilla coffee, please and thanks." Levi nodded in response and walked up to the line while I wandered around the café in search for a good table. I eventually decided on one of the empty tables by the window with a surprisingly nice view of the street outside.

There were people walking along the sidewalks and cars driving by. I noticed the slightest bit of yellow staining the green leaves of trees, and I couldn't help but wonder what Levi thought of autumn.

Soon enough, Levi made it to the table I was sitting at, setting a cup of coffee down in front of me as he sat down in the seat across from me with his own drink and a couple croissants. I couldn't tell what exactly he ordered, but I could tell it wasn't coffee for sure. He seemed like the kind of person that would love coffee, in my opinion.

"What is that?"

"Black tea. I prefer tea over coffee."

"You don't seem like a tea person though."

"And you scream 'I'm a coffee person', Eren- from the way you study to the way you dress."

I huffed in annoyance, but I really couldn't deny it. I loved coffee, and I guess it did show through my personality, in a way. Levi still didn't seem like a tea person, though. If anything, he seems like the kind of person that would drink their coffee black.

We sat in silence for a moment, me drinking my coffee, Levi sipping his tea quietly. He leaned one arm on the back of his chair and crossed his legs, looking out the window as he drank. The sounds of the café still went on around us, despite the quiet at our table. There was still the chatter of other people, some laughter and the sound of drinks being made behind the counters. It was somewhat noisy but in a way that made it comfortable.

Levi finally set his cup of tea back down on the table and looked over to me.

"Tell me about yourself, Eren. I'm not going to stay silent the whole time. This was your idea anyway."

"My favourite colour is dark green, my favourite animal is a dog, and my favourite book is The Great Gatsby." I said to him, smiling as I set down my cup of coffee and instead took a bite out of one of the croissants he set down on the table. I noticed him lean forward slightly, subtle interest filling his eyes. At the same time, I couldn't exactly ignore the odd twitch in his right wing; I didn't think too much about it.

"Really? I thought you would be more into something close to The Maze Runner or the Hunger Games series, maybe even works more along the lines of Where The Red Fern Grows. You don't really give off the vibe of someone who would be interested into The Great Gatsby." He was looking directly into my eyes as he spoke, and I had to take a moment to breathe with his words. I didn't think that he would bring up my favourite book- I was expecting him to scoff over the fact that I like dogs or say that he wasn't surprised by my favourite colour. I wasn't prepared for an in depth analysis of what books I should be into.

"I, ah... Yeah. I've read all of those, but they didn't interest me much."

"Not even Where The Red Fern Grows? Come on, Eren, your favourite animal is a dog for hell's sake. It's well written, too."

"Wait, are you saying that's your favourite book? Not, like, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath or something?" Levi opened his mouth to say something but immediately shut his mouth, scowling as he stared down at his tea.

"The Bell Jar is a work of art but... no." I didn't hide the wide smile on my face as I pulled myself closer to the table, taking another small bite of my pastry as I watched Levi.

"So your favourite book is a children's novel about dogs."

"Shut up."

"Oh my god, it really is. Oh, please tell me your favourite movie is- I dunno, like Old Yeller or Marley & Me or- or, holy shit is it Hachi?"

"Hush!" Levi said a bit louder, and I took in the fact that there was a faint blush on his cheeks as he ate his own food, waiting a moment before speaking, "But yes, I love Hachi."

"You're such a softie, Levi."

"And you're a fucking child."

"You're just an old man. How old are you anyway?"

"Twenty one. You?"

"What the hell, you're older than me? I'm eighteen."

"Okay, yeah, you're really a kid, Eren." I rolled my eyes at him, once again picking up my cup of coffee and finishing it off.

"Whatever. What's your favourite colour?"

"Take a guess." I looked over him, taking in what he was wearing. A deep blue shirt, black jacket pulled over it, black jeans, and the same black piercings he wore all the time. I didn't have to ask again.

"Fine, fine. Now why don't you tell me about... I don't know, your childhood? You know mine."

Levi took a deep breath, drinking the rest of his tea before he set the cup on the table with a gentle clink. He ate another bite of a croissant and crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at the table, not once looking up to meet my eyes.

"I wasn't very close to my father, but my mother was... nice. I usually just talked to my uncle, since he lived down the street from us. I had two friends in high school, but they went to a local college while I came here."

"Where did you come from, then?"

"Japan." I stared at him for a moment, looking over his facial features in absolute silence as I tried to figure out how in the world he was Japanese.

"...Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously."

"Well, damn. I knew you weren't from Canada since you're not the ni-"

"Be quiet, I'm aware." He rolled his eyes at me, though I could tell this time it was more playful than anything. I saw his posture relax a bit, and his fingers began to lightly tap on the side of the empty tea cup in front of him. "Are you ready to go? We could stop by a different place before we head back to the campus. There's still time."

"I'm fine with a park for now. It's only..." I paused for a moment, taking my phone out of my pocket to check the time, "it's already four, damn. When did we even get here?"

"That doesn't really matter. Let's go to whatever nearby park there is." Levi stood up from his place, finishing the last croissant at our table before he began to walk off, leaving me to catch up to him.

It wasn't long before we decided on a park to stop at, with the sun still somewhat high in the sky. It was later in the afternoon, but we still had an hour or so of daylight before the sun would set. I wanted to spend that time talking before we had to head back to the campus for the night.

Levi looked in the direction of the sidewalk to walk on through the park, but with my own little brain of a five-year-old, I immediately ran towards the playground. There weren't any kids around, surprisingly, so there was nothing to stop me from hopping on one of the swings. I motioned for Levi to come over, and much to my excitement, he joined me with an amused shake of his head.

"You're such a kid, Eren."

"You're too grown up is all. C'mon, we still have some years to be children before adulthood completely comes and slaps the hell out of us."

"Whatever." He managed the faintest of smiles, his legs slightly swinging from where he was sitting.

Without another word, I gripped onto the worn chain links of the swing and began to sway slowly, feeling the faintest breeze rush through my hair. It took me right back to the days in elementary school.

The freeing feeling of air fluttering under my wings, the weightless, almost serene sensation that came with it. The clouds rolling lazily across the sky with the sunlight shining through them, and the absence of everyone's voices as I went higher and higher into the air. But, for once in my life, there was no one to yank the chain and pull me down from the bliss I was flying though. I had to remind myself that it was only me and Levi here on the swing set, with no one to judge me, to let my knees scrape against the rugged Earth and stain them in blood. I had faith that he wouldn't do that. Not now at least.

I came to a slow stop as my feet rubbed against the ground. Levi was looking over to me as the swing stopped, and it took a minute for him to even open his mouth. He shook his head, closing his mouth as he looked out at the park. I could tell he had something on his mind, but he didn't say it. I almost wanted to ask him what he was thinking, yet I couldn't bring myself to it. I enjoyed the peace and quiet too much.

We didn't talk at all after that. Levi didn't move much, his feet occasionally kicked against the ground, his swing moving a bit higher, but that was all. Despite the quiet between us, the only sounds being the rustling of leaves on the trees and the distant chirping of birds, I still thought it was enjoyable.

Soon enough, the sky began to turn from a bright blue to a pale violet, the sun beginning to set against the horizon. From where we were on the swings, we got to watch the sun set all the way down, vibrant oranges and reds splaying across the ground in front of us. The sunset was about halfway through when I finally looked over to Levi, my breath hitching in my throat.

The golden- pink light of the sun seemed to reflect off of his skin, making it look like it was glowing, radiating off of him vibrantly as if he was a canvas for its brilliant colours. More importantly, though, the sunlight looked beautiful on his wings.

I thought it would be hard for such a dark colour to reflect so much, but I thought wrong. The reds and oranges all spread out across each feather, turning each centimetre of dark blue into brilliant violets. They seemed to glitter and gleam with the sunset shining on them, and I swore I could feel the way my cheeks lit on fire, brighter red than the sunset, when Levi finally turned to look at me, raising an eyebrow as I gaped at his wings.

"They're so beautiful... They look so beautiful right now, Levi."

"Are you kidding me? Yours look so much better," Levi replied without an ounce hesitation, and I could see dark red instantly spread across his cheeks at his own comment. Even so, he continued on, "The green one looks like a rainbow for god's sake and... do you see how vibrant your gold wing is right now? It's glowing."

I gently turned my head, moving my wing more in sight though the awkward bending made it difficult for a moment. I couldn't deny the brightness of my own wing in the gentle light of the setting sun, and that only made my heart race and pound as I looked back to Levi. He had the most genuine smile that I've ever seen on his face, nothing but pure adoration written all over his expression as he looked into my eyes.

"They're beautiful, Eren." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you so much for the kudos/ comments/ hits ! it's always appreciated. <3


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfghjk i'm so sorry for such a late update.. there were finals and i have bio homework for the summer and now i'm on vacation in Nova Scotia, Canada so time just poofed away. ;; here's the chapter i literally just wrote all of today woops
> 
> please please please tell me if i made any mistakes. it's midnight here d:

The walk back to the campus was silent. Levi's nearly expressionless face returned to him, but the blush covering his cheeks didn't fade for a while. I didn't have anything to say to him- not that it was a bad thing. My heart still thrummed in my chest harder and faster than usual, and I knew that if I tried to say anything to him, all that would come out is a series of incoherent stutters and slurred words. I couldn't possibly say a word to him that would make actual sense.

Before we knew it, we were back at Sina. The sky was only growing darker by the time we went in, stars beginning to dot across it. Levi still didn't say a single word to me, his expression not once faltering, even when we walked into our dorm room. I watched as he sat down on his bed and pulled out a book, and I decided it would be best to excuse myself and go somewhere else for the time being. It seemed like he didn't want to talk, and I didn't really feel like it either.

I made my way to Armin's room pretty soon, knocking on the door and waiting for him to answer. He opened the door only a moment later, gesturing for me to come in and sit down.

"Jean isn't here for once, so you're free to stay for a while. It's only me and Marco." Armin gave me a warm smile, sitting down on the bed with a soft sigh. I looked over to Marco and saw him wave slightly, but he soon returned to what he was doing on his laptop.

"Now, why are you here? More about Levi that I need to hear about, Eren?" Armin clasped his hands together and rested them in his lap, his wings stretching more into view as he leaned closer to me, one eyebrow raised in interest.

"Jeez, you're acting like Hanji... But, uh, yeah a lot happened. We went out for a sort-of lunch today and spent a lot of time together I guess? I only wanted to be out for an hour or two, but then we went to the park and sat on the swings and the sunset came and compliments and oh my dear fuck, Armin, I don't know what happened."

Armin only blinked, sitting up straighter and leaning away from me with a surprised expression plastered across his face.

"Goodness, you need to learn how to breathe," Armin sighed softly, crossing his arms over his chest and laying back on his bed, "For one, congratulations on your first date-"

"It was  _not_ a date. Only lunch."

"As I was saying, congratulations on your first date," he paused and raised an eyebrow, "I guess it was pretty good if you were flipping out that horribly over it. In all seriousness, though, you need to calm down, Eren." Armin turned on his side, resting his head in his hand. He wore a more serious expression on his face, though his body was more relaxed.

"I understand that all of this is a big deal to you, but you need to breathe. You're not going to get anywhere if you keep freaking out at the littlest of things that progress between you two. You had a nice lunch date, visited the park, and apparently had a nice view of the sunset on the swingset with compliments, or something along the lines of that. It sounds like the entire thing was beautiful, but if you really want to enjoy it, you need to learn how to breathe and relax." The tension in his appearance before completely dissipated, and a small smile made its way onto his face instead.

"Yeah... It's a lot, Armin. We didn't meet all that long ago, and it's strange to have someone take so much interest in me, you know? I know you said he's probably not playing with me, but it seems too good to be true."

"Do you want it to all be a game, too good to be true and real?"

I couldn't answer that at first. Part of me wanted this to all be over already. It felt like life was teasing me and playing a cruel joke where I only got a glimpse of what it feels like to be beautiful and loved, but it would be jerked away when I was finally on top of the world. I wanted it to stop now so I wouldn't be at the highest point on the swingset when someone finally decided to yank the chain.

Then again, I enjoyed it. I was just beginning to soar for once, to feel the air beneath my wings and to feel the bliss of warm sunlight from the sky, and I wanted to feel that even more. I didn't want to have my knees hit the dirt yet again, to watch blood pool on the ground, to feel the slightest of tears prick my eyes when I stood back up to sit on the swing and start over. I wanted to  _fly._

"No. I want this to be real." A satisfied smile filled Armin's lips, and he shifted closer to me, light flowing into his eyes.

"I'm glad to hear that. Now you have to make it real, Eren." I nodded in response to his words, my heart beginning to race ever so slightly at the mere thought of everything being so real and genuine. It was scary but still so exciting.

"I hope you don't mind if I butt in here, but I hope things work out for you. It sounds like you really want it to." Marco commented with a smile. I could tell he was being genuine with what he said, his gaze completely locked onto mine for a minute. He looked back down soon enough, though, obviously doing some sort of work on his laptop.

"Thanks, Marco. I should probably get going; I don't want to stay in your room all night." I stood up from Armin's bed, watching as he glanced at me with a wide smile.

"Keep me updated on all of this, Eren. Oh, and make sure to tell Carla and Mikasa!"

"I will!"

And, much to my own surprise, I did one of the two immediately. When I walked back into my dorm, Levi was nowhere to be seen (not that it concerned me), so I took the opportunity to call my mother. It wasn't too late in the night yet, and I knew that she would be up for another hour before I had to worry about bothering her.

I couldn't exactly deny the slight feeling of anxiety boiling up in me as the line began to ring. My mother was loving and caring in every way imaginable, but would she react well to everything I would tell her? Would she be fine with Levi or worry that he was using me like anyone else? Most importantly,  _what was I even calling to tell her?_

Of course, life decided I wouldn't get the chance to sit and think about it because I already heard a 'hello?' echo through the phone.

"Oh, uh, hey."

"Are you calling to say hello or is something the matter, Eren?"

"No, nothing's wrong! I just... I had a good day. That's all."

"I'm glad to hear that, Eren. What did you do today?" At first, my mother's voice was nearly calming to hear, but once she asked, I couldn't help but start to panic just the slightest bit all over again.

"Well, my roommate and I went out for lunch, which was pretty cool. I got to know him and everything and then we went to the park to talk to more. We were out until the sunset, and- I don't know. We just talked, and I wanted it to be uncomfortable in a way, but he just made everything so great, you know? Levi's nice to be around- he's not too loud, he has good taste in books and movies, and he's just  _Levi_.

"So we talked until the sunset and I couldn't help but notice his wings. He has these really, really dark blue wings and they looked amazing in the sunset, which I didn't think would happen. They looked gorgeous, but he still went on and on about how beautiful mine looked? It's unbelievable. I...

"God, I think I have a crush on him."

The line went completely silent after I said that. It was only after a minute that my mother finally said something, though it was simply an 'oh'. I said my farewell as quickly as I possibly could and hung up on the phone after that, heat instantly crawling up on my entire face. I've never been happier that Levi was out of the room.

By the time he came back, I was already calm, the redness on my face completely gone. Even so, I couldn't dare look up at him.

I didn't think that what I felt for him was admiration in the least. He sung well, yes. He was fairly attractive too, I had to admit. When he did laugh or smile, it was like the whole world bathed in light and the planets aligned for just a single second. He was great in English, and when we held a conversation for more than a minute, I could see that faint amount of passion surge up within him.

But I didn't think that I  _liked_ him.

Crushes are that stupid thing you have in junior high. You stumbles over words and twiddle your thumbs, pass notes and try to find out if they like anyone else. They aren't something you get as a college student with classes and money and life to worry about.

That tiny part in the back of my mind still yelled at me.  _Come on, Eren, he's attractive,_ It screamed,  _You can't deny your feelings!_ I wouldn't be surprised if it started building a rainbow bridge to Levi's heart. The back of my mind is an awful place.

Levi gave me a strange look when he came back, and it was only then that I realised how tense I was.

"Is something wrong?"

"N-no..." Stuttering like a schoolgirl, Eren.

"Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh." He raised an eyebrow before sitting on his bed with a soft sigh. He stretched out his wings slightly, and in that moment, I saw the right one twitch again. It seemed to do that a lot. Of course, I didn't ask about it for the sake of being a decent person.

He shrugged me off soon enough, and laid down, curling up under his blankets. It was only then that I realised the time and looked at my phone again, getting back up to get changed into something more comfortable and turning off the lights. I laid down in my own bed soon enough but didn't go to sleep right away.

The day seemed like a giant blur. I already started to regret everything that I said throughout the day, but I knew there was no way to take any of it back. I had to wake up the next day with no regrets left over from the day before.

As the days passed by, it became harder and harder for me to act normal. Armin instantly picked up on my change in emotion, and that only made it worse for me. I could see Hanji's curious gaze across the classroom and in the hallways too, and I swore my heart wanted to run away from every feeling rushing through my mind, deep down to my soul.

Levi began to talk to me more, partly due to my silence and partly due to my behaviour I couldn't quite maintain. He occasionally asked if I was okay but focused more on asking me about class. If he really wanted me to talk, he'd bring up Armin and Mikasa, sometimes even my mother.

He was somewhat persistent on getting the truth out of me, mainly because even I knew it was blatantly obvious that I wasn't okay. Nothing had really been okay ever since we went out for lunch, as simple as that sounds. I was painfully aware of the fact that I was over-reacting (at least a little bit), but I couldn't stop myself from spiralling further and further as time went on. There didn't seem to be a single thing that I could do about that either. I was stuck free falling, silently (for the most part) panicking, and waiting for myself to hit the ground, even though I had no idea when I was going to actually stop falling. I was a giant wreck.

Those few days soon turned into three weeks of stuttering and slurring simple sounds and words, tripping over my own two feet while lost in trivial thought, and avoiding all eye contact although I knew it wasn't necessary. Part of me tried to ignore the fact that I wasn't acting right, but I soon realised that it would be impossible, especially when Levi grew more annoyed with me.

"Seriously, what's wrong with you? You've been acting weird."

"Nothing's wrong."

"I'm not an idiot, Eren. You have some sort of problem." I clenched my fists together, my jaw tightening while I glared at Levi, sudden anger boiling through me all at once.

"You! You're the problem! You're just  _here,_ and you're not like anyone else. It feels like you shouldn't be here!" I loosened my fists and took a deep breath, closing my eyes because I couldn't possibly look at Levi while speaking anymore. I didn't even know what I was saying to begin with.

"You're the problem, and that's not a bad thing."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on an important note, i'm aware of the fact that some of the characters are ooc. i'm used to writing original stories rather than fan fiction, so my characters never end up staying how they should- they warp into their own original characters fairly quick, unfortunately. o: you really don't have to remind me that "Armin wouldn't say that" or "Levi wouldn't do something like that" or "Mikasa wouldn't act like that" because i'm painfully aware. 
> 
> i probably won't update again until i'm back from my trip, so that's most likely going to be around the 11th or 12th of next month or later. but anyway ! thank you for all the hits/ comments/ kudos ! it's always so lovely to see. <3


	10. Chapter Nine

"Alright then...?" That was all I heard in response from Levi. He gave me a look as if I had absolutely lost my mind then and there, and for just a second, I was pretty sure that was the case too.

The horrific word vomit that left my mouth wasn't even supposed to happen in the first place, and yet my mouth took action before my brain, like it always seemed to do in the worst possible ways. I didn't even think or breathe or consider any possible outcome before I spoke, and I knew the second that Levi left the room with a soft scoff that the entire situation would come back and bite me in the ass later.

For the time being, I let in another deep breath and left the room too, deciding it would be best to talk to Armin instead of sitting and sulking alone. He'd always been the voice of reason for me, for as long as I could remember. He was my brain for when my mouth took action, and he always found a way around every situation, no matter how terribly I fucked things up. I always relied on him to give me advice when I needed it most. He got me out of situations I dug myself into no matter how deep. With teachers, with my parents, with Mikasa- it always eased me to talk to him. I had no doubt that he could help me with Levi too.

Of course, life decided it would be more ideal to make things a little bit worse before there was an opportunity to make anything better. I knew there was a chance of running into Jean every time I went to see Armin, but I was still holding onto the hope that I wouldn't have to deal with him any time I went over. There were some times, like right then, when I was unlucky.

I tried to brush him off while walking to the door, but a hand snagging at my right wing stopped me from doing just that.

_"What?"_

"Oh, nothing. Just felt like doing that." He didn't even bother hiding the smirk on his face, and I was glad he walked away afterwards instead of pressing on further. I wasn't willing to deal with him too.

I opened the door and walked into the room without doing so much as knocking, and I only saw a glimpse of Armin's smile before he noticed my expression, his own turning grim. He shifted over to one side of his bed and gestured for me to sit on the other. I sat where he pointed with a sigh, leaning back into his bed.

"What happened?"

"I... spoke. Again." Armin visibly winced and hissed through his teeth, his wings pulling against his back. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them, looking at me with nothing but pity.

"What did you say and to whom?"

"It was to Levi, and I barely know what I was trying to say."

"Was it a confession?" Marco chimed in. I didn't even realise Marco was in the room, though I should've known he that would be considering Jean left before I came in. He was legitimately curious, and it made me feel good to see that he was actually interested in what I had to say and what was going on in my life. Even though we didn't talk all too much outside of when I visited Armin, I considered him a friend.

"It was almost, but words aren't my friend."

"Oh goodness, Eren, what did you say?" Armin held a hand to his heart, obviously scared for my choice of words. I was always scared for my own word choice too; we were similar in that way.

"I told him he was a problem but it's not bad that he is?"

"My God, you have to fix that, Eren. I can't believe you messed up a confession that horribly. How the hell do you even call someone a problem in a  _good_ way?" Marco was shocked by my wording, but Armin only let out a deep sigh, not at all surprised considering it was me. He'd heard worse in the past.

"I'm sure you telling Jean didn't go smooth either."

"No, it didn't... because I didn't tell him. He was the one that said something to me."

Both Armin and I stared at him for at least a solid minute. He shifted uncomfortably under our eyes, pulling himself further onto his bed and rubbing at his neck. The silence was stiff, but the thought didn't make any sense to me. Armin was the first to speak up, voicing the shock I knew we both felt.

"You're telling me that in-eloquent, rude, horse-faced buffoon was the one that said something to you first?"

"He's actually pretty smooth. A total asshole, but smooth."

Armin blinked. The idea didn't seem to sit well in his mind. He shook it off though and rested his head back on his knees, looking at me instead.

"You need to talk to him, Eren. You don't have to blatantly say 'I love you', but you should at least apologise and explain that you didn't mean for it to come out that way. Trust me, something like that wouldn't sit well with me, so I can't imagine what Levi is thinking right now."

He was right. I didn't know where he went off to or when he would be back, but I needed to talk to him about it when I could. I got up from my place on the bed and thanked both him and Marco before leaving. They said their own farewells to me, and I started on the way back down the hallway, thinking of what I was about to say to him.

When I got back to my dorm, Levi wasn't there. I didn't think too much of it and changed my clothes, turning off the lights climbing into bed. He probably had something to take care of. It was none of my business whether he was here or not. He was his own person with his own things to do. An apology could wait until the next day.

I'll admit, though, I did feel a bit nervous when he wasn't there by the time I woke up. I sort of got used to him being my alarm clock. The second I checked the time, I wasn't sure whether to be more panicked that class started in ten minutes or the fact that Levi wasn't there. For the time being, I think the former scared me more than the latter.

I'd never gotten changed so fast in my life. I grabbed all of my things as quickly as I could and started making my way to class. My messy hair or unbrushed teeth weren't the most concerning thing in that moment. The panic I felt almost immediately turned to anger when I noticed Levi sitting in the room, waiting for the lesson to start.

Was it anger aimed towards him or myself? I wasn't sure. He could've told me that he wouldn't be back. At the same time, I could've been less of an imbecile. I pissed him off, but he could've said something to me.

I could barely even think through the entire lesson. I reconsidered every word I said and thought of every apology under the sun. There were so many ways to fix what I did, but nothing made it sound okay. Even if I didn't tell him what I meant to say, I didn't have much of an excuse or alternative meaning to my words.

As soon as class was over, I got up from my seat but immediately got stopped by Hanji, to my surprise. I was expecting Levi to jump in again and pull them away from me, spitting insults and rolling his eyes. He had already left the room.

"Hey, hey, look at me." Hanji waved their hand in front of my face, raising their eyebrows. My eyes locked onto theirs. "Good, thanks. Now, I know Levy-Li is ignoring you, so why don't we go eat out and talk? It could be McDonald's or something."

"No, I need to talk to him. I fucked up speaking and-"

"Shh, I know. That's why  _I'm_ here instead." Hanji was persistent. I knew that well enough even when Levi was by me to flip them off and drag me away. Knowing there was no way out, I gave in. The satisfied smile on their face almost made it worth it when we left the room, and I felt myself smile in response to that.

They lead me to their car, and I kept my cringing to myself after opening the door. The amount of wrappers and empty bottles in there was nearly overwhelming. There were stains in the seats, and the dashboard hadn't been dusted since the day the car was purchased, I was sure. I could stand some mess, but this was pushing it.

I climbed in regardless of the mess and shut the door, glancing over to Hanji. The car really suited them, in a way. There was an air freshener that hadn't been replaced in a while- strawberry scented specifically. On the dashboard closer to them was one of those Hawaiian dancing figurines that swayed when the car moved. There were stacks of CD's on the backseat too, some of the cases cracked or missing the paper in the front to show who the artist was. Something was oddly comfortable about the atmosphere, even with the trash that accompanied it.

The car started up soon enough, and we made our way to the closest fast food place, five minutes away from the campus. I was happy to hear rock music I was familiar with playing through the car on the entire drive. Hanji tapped their fingers along to the beat, their already disheveled hair swaying with every movement. They shut off the car when we approached the restaurant and motioned for me to get out.

Hanji's wings were rather large, I noticed. I never had the chance to look at them properly before. The feathers weren't all tamed, and I can say that I never saw that shade of violet for someone's wings before. I could tell they were lifting them up a bit, and it was only then that I noticed the bottom feathers almost brushed against the ground. They must've been perfect for flying with that size.

They insisted on paying for my food the second we jumped into the line. I was about to argue but decided against it. I wasn't the kind of person to buy a thousand things when someone else was paying, so I only got an order of fries.

We sat down at a table closest to the window with our food a few minutes later, and I watched Hanji eat a few fries of their own. They definitely weren't the cleanest person in the world. They dropped a few fries every once in awhile and licked their lips audibly. It was sort of gross but bearable for me. Eventually, they stopped eating and looked into my eyes.

"Levi had no idea what you were trying to say to him last night, man. He didn't seem pissed, but he kind of grumbled about it and slept in my dorm for the night. I don't have a roommate, so it wasn't a problem keeping him there while he moped about it. What'd you even say to him?"

"You don't have a roommate?"

"Nope. I'll tell you why if you explained what you said to him." I took a moment to weigh out my options. I could lie and say something apart from what I meant, I could say I didn't know, or I could tell them.

If I lied, I'd be digging myself further into the festering hole of feelings I tried to dig myself out of. It wouldn't be a full lie if I said that I didn't know because of how horribly it all came out. Then again, part of me wanted to confide in Hanji. Their wings were a little untamed,  _they_ were just as untamed, but there was something about them that I could just trust.

"You're going to laugh at me, but... it was sort of a confession?" Hanji's eyes widened, and I could already feel my cheeks heat in embarrassment.

"A confession, eh?" They leaned forward in their seat, propping their head up on their hand. I took that as a cue to go forward.

"Yeah. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did though. I wanted more time to think about it or even consider telling him at all, but then it happened. It was awkward and messy and I'm pretty sure I yelled and... fuck. Please don't tell him any of that." I averted my gaze as quick as I could. There was no way I would watch Hanji's reaction. Suddenly, my own order of fries seemed to be the most interesting thing in existence. I hadn't realised how delicious the taste of distraction was.

"I won't. Promise. But god damn, do you need to improve on your way of wording things. Look at what you're majoring in."

"I know, I'm aware. I'm majoring in journalism and can't even word things. Now your turn to explain why you have a room to yourself."

They nodded in response and stuffed a few more fries into their mouth. Another minute passed by before they finally spoke again.

"The staff didn't know who to room me with." A short pause. "I didn't really know either. I wasn't comfortable sharing a room with some random stranger because I knew they would start making assumptions about my sex right off the bat. I avoided that altogether and got a room to myself in the end. It's not anyone's business what I have down there, you know? It was easier to pay extra and have no worries."

"So, are you more comfortable if I just called you by 'they'?" I never had an idea in the first place, but Levi being around me all the time didn't give me much of a chance to ask about it. I didn't even know where to start asking in the first place, anyway.

"You have that scared, confused look on your face." Hanji leaned over the table and ruffled my hair, letting out a soft chuckle. "It's fine, really. You can use whatever pronouns you want with me. Don't be a dick, and I'll be okay."

The conversation trailed off from there, and we both finished eating our food and cleaned up the spot at the table. Hanji lead me out of the restaurant and unlocked their car, the two of us climbing back in and making the drive back to Sina.

I definitely took back any initial doubt I had about being out with Hanji alone. Messy, yeah. They were a little loud too. On the way back to the campus, they asked countless questions about my wings, much to my initial displeasure. Despite the way Levi treated them, they weren't that bad to be around. Hanji was good company to have.

When we made it back into the building, Hanji walked next to me. They explained that Levi would probably be back in their dorm instead of my own, so it would be best to go back to my room while they talked to him. We hesitated a little bit on parting ways in the midst of our conversation and decided to walk to my room first, since it was further away from where we were at the time.

We took our time walking, barely paying attention to the people passing by. There weren't many, I noticed. The few we saw were on their phones or holding books, carrying something or obviously occupied by something on their mind.

The only person out of place, though, was a figure at the end of the hall. Blonde hair flying in all directions, pink wings spread out wide to both sides.

"Hey, Eren! I was just looking for you!" Armin jogged down the rest of the hallway, jumping up and quite literally flying into my arms. He couldn't care less about anyone around us. "You won't  _believe_ what just happened wi-"

He looked away from me and noticed Hanji, and I couldn't help a small chuckle when his face flushed with embarrassment. He pulled away from me and stuck out of his hands, looking anywhere but at us.

"Sorry, I didn't notice you there. The name's Armin." Hanji didn't hesitate in shaking his hand and greeting him with a wide grin, complimenting him for his 'entrance'.

"I've never seen you before. What were you two doing?" The expression that made its way onto Hanji's face was scarily identical to the time Armin got revenge on me for teasing him. I wanted to stop them, but there they went, rambling and gushing on without so much as a second glance towards me. I tried to tune out after the word 'love', finding for the second time that day that inanimate objects were far more interesting. This time, I found a new love for carpeted floors and painted walls. Doors were lovely too.

"...see?! We could both help you out!" Armin was shaking my shoulders when I snapped back into it. The excitement in his eyes was almost too cute to resist. Almost.

"I don't need any more help. Levi and I can talk it out and-"

"Eren. Please."

He never said my name like that unless he was seriously trying to get me to do something.

Would it be stupid to let him and Hanji help out? Probably, no. Did I want to smash my face into a wall and forget about my feelings? No doubt about it. But did I agree in the end and let two college students lose their shit in the middle of a hallway? Damn right I did.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp, school starts on the 16th for me. i'm officially ready to die thanks to AP classes.
> 
> but anyway- i'm sorry for the lack of ereri in the chapter. o: i had some plot points i needed to cover that were important for later. the next chapter and one coming up will be a lot better. <3 i already wrote out 2k for chapter twelve in advance because i'm excited for it aha
> 
> thank you so much for 10k+ views already ! comments/ votes are always appreciated. c:


	11. Chapter Ten

I got some time to myself after Hanji and Armin left to have a celebration for being able to ‘help’ me. Deep down, I had a feeling that it was a terrible idea to let them help me out in whatever way, but there was still the part of my mind that insisted I let them. Armin knew me well enough (sometimes better than I knew myself) to know what I should do, and Hanji knew Levi well enough to give me proper advice on how to handle things with him. They could seriously help me out. Or tease me until the end of time.

In the end, I only got an hour to myself. At least for that hour, I managed to clean up my side of the room and listen to music, but it still scared the shit out of me to see Levi magically warp through the door after that time period.

My heart skipped a beat when our eyes met, and my first thought was to apologise. I fucked up horribly over the past couple days, and I needed to say something about it. Even if I stuttered, I felt it was necessary.

“I-I’m really sorry for-” He put a hand up before I could continue. I almost cut him off.

“It’s fine. Hanji told me you’ve been stressed with family and school. I understand. We all snap every once in awhile.”

_ Right _ .

I told Hanji to not say anything about what I actually meant.

It hurt to think that I took ten steps back when I only managed to make half a step forward in the first place, but it was also a chance to start fresh. We were friends, classmates, and roommates. I could spend the next few months developing that instead. It wasn’t that big of a deal to reset that half step and start moving toward him all over again, like nothing ever happened in the first place. There was still so much I didn’t know about him yet; it wouldn’t hurt to get to know him better. 

The rest of the night passed by fairly fast. It was quiet for the next couple hours, up until the moment Levi said a quick ‘goodnight’ to me.

I didn’t sleep too much that night. I knew it would be better to be patient. Hell, there was a good chance my feelings would fade away in the following months and that this was only puppy love. I needed to stop being so rash and quick to act. It only made things so much worse for me and everyone involved.

Waking up the next day for class seemed hell-ish. I didn’t want to admit that I felt so terrible, but I did. My mind tried to make things easier for me, though all the thoughts made me even more disappointed than I was to begin with.

_ It’s only been a couple months. He never saw you as more than a friend anyway, so now you have time to make him think otherwise. You have more time to think things through now. You have a chance to slow things down. _ The voice in the back of my head kept talking. I was over-reacting, and everything would work itself out in time, anyway. I didn’t need to listen for more reassurance from it.

Class was slower than normal, of course. I don’t even remember what the lesson was about or what I wrote down in my notes. I didn’t gaze to Levi across the room like some lovesick high schooler, nor did I draw hearts with his name in it. It was a pointless, meaningless crush for now, and I needed to get over it for the time being. Despite those thoughts trying to keep me from being distracted, I didn’t manage to get anything done. I’d have to copy notes from someone else later on.

The few hours seemed like a full week, and it took me a couple minutes to get out of my seat and through the exit door when the lesson was over. I didn’t look to see who was around me, so, needless to say, it made my heart jump out of my chest and onto the ground when Hanji ran up behind me from seemingly nowhere.

“Eren! Eren, Eren, I have something to ask you!” Hanji grabbed my hand with an iron grip, a crazed smile on their face, “You too, Levi.”

“What?” He snapped. I didn’t notice he wasn’t too far in front of me.

“I’m throwing a Halloween party this month! Do you two want to come?”

“Hell n-”

“Of course we would.” There was no way I could look at Levi. I knew that if I even glanced at him, I would turn to dust in seconds with his glare. Honestly, I didn’t even need to turn and see him to know he was glaring at me, full force. I couldn’t pass up a party, for one, and it was an opportunity to spend more time with him, Hanji, and maybe some others that I knew. It couldn’t be too bad. “Time, place?”

“Eight on Halloween night, stay as long as you want, I’ll get Levi to text you the address ‘cause I don’t have your phone number. Feel free to wear a costume if you feel like it. Oh, and I invited Armin, so expect to see him there too. You can drag someone else along if you want, and they can bring a plus one too.” I was sort of surprised to hear that Armin would agree to going to a party. It didn’t seem much like him, but I didn’t argue it. He was his own person.

“Alright, I’ll see you then.” Hanji nodded happily before running off down one of the hallways. Though I was a decent distance away from him, I could still feel the anger radiating off of Levi. I decided then that I’d rather see Armin instead of go back to my room. I made my way to the room alone and gave two quick knocks to the door, waited a second, and then walked in. Marco wasn’t in the room for once, but Armin was sitting on his bed, shifting around textbooks and notebooks. He looked up to me and instantly smiled, saying a quick ‘hey’ and going back to what he was doing.

“You’re really going to Hanji’s party?”

“Yeah, why not? I can’t stay in my room and study all night long. It’s Halloween, and Hanji’s… interesting, anyway,” Armin shrugged a little bit and rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the floor with a shy but still ridiculously wide smile, “I mean, they’re a little loud and don’t have much of a filter, but we went on about chemistry for  _ hours  _ after talking to you _.  _ I haven’t been able to talk with someone like that in forever, Eren. Even if we don’t discuss the composition of different elements there, it would sort of nice to be around them and do something.”

It made me excited to see Armin so happy about another person, even if it was some thanks to boring science I barely made it through in high school. Between me, Mikasa, and Armin, he was always the one to tag along with the two of us or stay home because he didn’t have many others to talk to. He always said it was fine and he had books to catch up on anyway, but I knew that he was bothered by it.

“So, do you like them or anything like that?” I watched Armin’s expression falter and a deep red cover his cheeks, and once again, I took up the chance to tease him.

“Ooh, Armin likes someone! He has  _ chemistry  _ with the non-binary nerd down the hall!”

“Hush, Eren. They’re… a friend. A really cool fri-”

“Uh-huh, just like I see Levi as a ‘really cool friend’. You better start considering the idea that you might be in love- oh, but wait! Take your time and don’t rush your emotions. Start slow and maybe go out to lunch together. Ask Hanji about their favourite colour and book and animal and watch the sunset together after with compliments and all that jazz!”

Armin threw a notebook at me, the papers making a loud ‘fwap’ sound when they hit my cheek and the floor. I didn’t bother hiding my laughter from the look on his face, clutching at my stomach and stopping the tears already forming in my eyes.

“Well, at least I’d actually have the balls to ask them out unlike you.”

Laughing no longer felt appealing to me. Armin had the most smug look on his face that I’d ever seen, and I ever so kindly flipped him off on the way back out the door. He called out a ‘see you later’, in which I angrily mumbled in reply to, and I no longer cared if Levi was still pissed at me or not.

Luckily, when I went back to our dorm, he said a short greeting before returning to what looked like studying. I also noticed that he had new earbuds and a phone resting next to him. He must’ve finally bought a replacement recently.

We had a short discussion when I said I needed to borrow his notes, but that was about it. It felt normal.

The weeks before Halloween started to pass by faster than class and time in the dorm room normally did. Levi started walking with me to the classroom every day again, I still had breakfast with Armin and Mikasa (and sometimes Annie) once every week, I made sure to invite Mikasa to the party in those passing days, but I hadn’t talked with my mother since our last phone call. Quite frankly, I didn’t want to call her.

As far back as I can remember, I have always been terrible with picking up after something awkward between me and another person happened. There have been times that I went for a week without talking to Mikasa or a few days without talking to Armin because of something I said. It was never that I didn’t want to apologise and make up and pretend it didn’t happen; it was always that I had no place to begin with an explanation, especially one without stuttering and stammering like an idiot, usually messing up with it and earning their sympathy with my terrible wording in the end.

I knew I’d have to talk to her at one point or another, with Thanksgiving coming up the next month. It was tradition for me to eat with my parents for dinner along with Armin and Mikasa. Sometimes, their relatives came over to have the meal since my mum was such a great cook, and other times, it was my own little family with those two. I had no intention to break tradition, so I knew that the topic would come up at one point or another when I made my way there the next month.

The actual day of the party came by soon enough. In the end, I decided not to wear anything special to it, and I wasn’t very surprised to see that Levi didn’t either. He didn’t really complain too much about being dragged along to the event by me, but I could nearly feel the annoyance radiating off of him as the hours ticked by.

He stayed in our dorm room while I walked over to Armin’s room. Marco was absent when I walked in, but Armin was sorting out papers on the floor. I noticed he was wearing a black button up shirt with tiny ghosts printed all over it. He looked over to me with a wide smile, getting up and walking over.

“So, we’ll go grab Mikasa and maybe Annie, go back for Levi, and go to the party?”

“That’s right. Levi’s riding shotgun, so can you and Mikasa and a possible plus one sit in the back?” Armin nodded in response, grabbing his phone from his bed and stuffing it in his back pocket. He started walking out of the door to the room and we both left and shut the door behind us. It was easy to find Mikasa, along with Annie, and I stopped by my room once more to bring Levi with us. 

My car felt a little bit cramped with all five of us in it, but when I checked the address Levi gave me, I realised it wouldn’t be too far of a trip. At most, it was a ten minute trip there. When we arrived, Hanji welcomed us in, shouting something about drinks over the loud music.

It didn’t take long for all of us to go our separate ways, Mikasa and Annie dancing, Armin following after Hanji, and Levi nearly disappearing into thin air the second I turned to look at him. I awkwardly made my way around for a while, but soon found myself losing my awkwardness to the music, dancing after a song or two played on.

The song choice was interesting as the next hour passed by. Knowing it was Hanji’s party, I wasn’t surprised with the change. It went from dance-worthy songs and upbeat electronic and made sharp turns into songs like Hollaback Girl and Fergalicious. The latter was especially an interesting choice, thanks to a guy across the room passionately- and maybe a little drunkenly- singing and dancing to the entire song, uncaring of anyone’s laughter or phone cameras. Even if he was drunk, the passion made each second of his performance amazing. 

Hanji managed to find me after another ten minutes or so, pulling me aside and saying something about drinks again. I noticed how bad they slurred and stepped through the crowd to get to the kitchen, and I knew it would be a pretty stupid idea to have whatever they had. I had my age to worry about still, along with the fact that I drove here with my close friends.

Then again, I’ve always been the King of Bad Decisions, so it didn’t take long for them to convince me to drink down some sparkly-looking purple drink that smelled of god knows how many kinds of alcohol and sugar. Armin and Mikasa both knew how to drive my car, but I didn’t tell them I was going to drink at all tonight, especially as the one who drove everyone here in the first place. I entirely counted on at least Armin being sober out of all of us when I downed the sparkly drink.

That one turned to two, the two turned to three, and then I forgot how to count. Everything inside and out of me felt just about as sparkly as whatever I consumed. The music seemed so much more magical, the lights were dazzling, my dancing seemed like it’d never been better in my entire life. For the time being, I couldn’t regret my choices. Not with ‘Baby One More Time’ playing through from the speakers.

I don’t know what compelled me to do it, but I climbed onto the table out by the speakers without a second thought. My mind was fuzzy, the room was even fuzzier, but I didn’t need anyone to tell me what to do. My entire body felt weightless while I danced.

And suddenly, I was on the floor.

It took me a solid minute to realise I’d fallen onto the ground from my previous place on the table. One second, my mind was high on euphoria and the next, most of my body felt like it crashed down a mountain and onto a pool of spikes. My vision was still blurry and soft, and all I could make out was some laughs and some black-haired male pulling my up to my feet.

I wanted to keep on dancing like nothing was wrong, but for some reason, my feet didn’t exactly want to stay flat on the floor. They sort of felt like jelly. Very soft jelly. I liked my jelly feet while trying to walk. But my jelly feet didn’t last long because before I knew it, I was thrown into the back of a car with a couple laughing people, without lights or music or any more drinks. I had no idea how I got there.  
  
My mind didn’t make much sense of anything for the rest of that night, but I’d never been so happy to understand the voice of Levi calling me an idiot through semi-muffled laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one- school's killing me, but i'm trying to get these updates out. the next two i have entirely planned, though they're likely going to be the longest chapters in this story, ranging from 5-10k each if i stick to what i thought out. o: so yeh. be excited, especially for 12.
> 
> two- i have a Google Drive link in the description with a folder of fan art because all of you are amazing. c': i never thought i'd have fan art for a work before oh my gosh.
> 
> three- i didn't plan this chapter at all and i had no idea where it was going until i finished it. i'm so sorry if it's shit omg. let me know if there's errors.
> 
> four- shout out to @liontoys on deviantart/ @radklance on Tumblr for the song influence in this chapter. he was super excited to be a little background character dancing to Fergalicious. fuckin' dork. <3
> 
> anyway, thanks for all the votes/ comments/ bookmarks/ fan art/ everything. c:


	12. Chapter Eleven

“Levi, oh my god, my head hurts. Like a lot. A lot, a lot. It hurts like hell, man.” I groaned for the fifth time since waking up. I had only woken up ten or so minutes before.  
  
“Well, I wasn’t the dumbass that got wasted enough to start dancing on a table, now was I?” When I looked up, he wore a smug look on his face, obviously amused with my suffering. I didn’t yet meet up with Armin or Mikasa, but I knew I would be hearing their laughter at one point or another too.  
  
“Why didn’t you stop me from being a dumbass then?”  
  
“I was too busy recording it with your friends.”  
  
“Shit, you recorded that?” Levi nodded once, pulling out his phone and walking over to me. He knelt down next to my bed and went through his camera roll, clicking on a video. He moved the phone so both of us could watch.  
  
Lights of various colours danced and splayed on the walls in the background. I noticed around a dozen or so people in the sides of the video. What I couldn’t ignore, though, was a person (obviously me) on a decently sized table in the centre of the screen. There I was, mouthing the lyrics to Britney Spears, running my hands through my messy hair, swaying my hips, and trying my best to step in beat to the song but utterly failing. I managed to make it all the way to the third chorus before my foot made one wrong step, and I went crashing down to floor. I heard a few gasps before the laughter started up, people pointing and shouting. Levi still had his phone in his hand when he walked over to me to help me out, pointing out my idiotic grin in the video before it finally cut off.  
  
“Please tell me you didn’t upload that anywhere.”  
  
“No. I’m not that much of an asshole, but it’s not being deleted from my phone anytime soon.” Levi got back up from his place on the floor, walking over to his own bed and sitting down. He placed his phone down next to him and picked up a notebook instead.  
  
“Oh, right, we start a new class today.”  
  
“Yeah. Better take a Tylenol and a shower, unless you want to go to class smelling like regret in half an hour.”  
  


“Fuck.” Despite every living cell in my body begging me to stay laying down on my bed for the next several hours to suppress all the dizziness and nausea, I managed to get up onto my feet. They no longer felt like mush and instead felt as if there were made of lead. I took what was by far the laziest shower in my life and got dressed into sweatpants and a baggy shirt. I made sure to pop a painkiller into my mouth before heading off towards the classroom with Levi. I was a few steps behind him the whole time.  
  
I tried to look perky and awake the entire period, but I knew it was impossible. Pale, sweaty skin, hair pointed in about eighty different directions, and dark circles that would make a raccoon jealous- I had to look as hungover as I felt. My throbbing headache subsided and made it easier to take notes partway through class, at least. I thanked my body for that.  
  
Class ended soon enough, and Levi offered me a hand up with a smirk. I managed a glare he could be proud of and got up on my own, taking my stuff and walking out the room.  
  
Of course, I didn’t make it too far without Hanji coming up behind me, laughing their ass off and patting my shoulder. They said something about my drunken, horrid dancing. I didn't hear it, however. Whether that was intentional or not is up for debate.  
  
“M-maybe, ha! Maybe I should throw another party! I’ll make sure to have a stage just for you, Eren!”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Hanji. Throw all the damn parties you want, but there’s no way in hell I’m ever drinking anything you suggest to me. And how are you not hungover?”  
  
“Because I’m not a lightweight like you are.”  
  
Maybe Hanji and Armin had already been hanging out too much, judging by their quick comebacks. I took that as my cue to leave, gripping onto my notebook harder and storming off a little dramatically. Like usual, I made my way to Armin’s dorm, even though I knew there was some backlash to come for the night before. I wouldn’t even be surprised if there were people I didn’t know pointing me out in the hallway later to make fun of me for my ‘dance moves’. I’d rather get it almost all out of the way now than wait weeks or months for the memory to resurface.  
  
Marco was there when I got to Armin’s dorm. To my horror (albeit it was no surprise), Armin was showing him his own video of my drunken idiocy. Both of them were laughing about it without noticing I was standing in the doorway.  
  
“A-and then his foot-!”  
  
“Haha, very funny, look at Eren making a jackass out of himself.” I stuck out my tongue and rolled my eyes like a child would, walking over to Armin’s bed. I sat on it regardless of whether it was okay or not. He looked a little surprised to see me walk in, but soon the look of shock on his face replaced itself with a wide grin. I hated the fact that he was showing other people my failure again, yet I struggled to hide my own smile at the sight of his.  
  
Marco looked over to me immediately after, not at all hiding his own grin and laughter. I waited for it to calm down before saying anything while leaning back further against the bed.  


“Did you go to the party too and see that?”  
  
“I didn’t go, but Jean did.” Marco said.  
  
“Aw shit, really? I need to deal with him too?” I already knew that wasn’t going to go well if we ran into each other any time soon. But, speak of the devil and he doth appear.  
  
“Hey, Marco can you- oh look, the Britney Spears lover!” Not today, Satan.  
  
“You know what? I think it’s time for me and Armin to go. We have very, very important, academic business to take care of. Right now, in this second.” With the cheapest smile I could muster, I grabbed Armin’s wrist and tugged him out the door. I wasn’t willing to deal with any of Jean's shit for the day.  
  
The two of us made it to a spot outside, stopping to sit by a familiar tree. I leaned against the trunk with a heavy sigh, Armin slumping against my shoulder. We stayed quiet for a while, and I had enough time to notice how different it looked outside from the last time we sat by this tree.  
  
The grass turned shades of beige and brown with a few scattered strands of green struggling to hold on to the fading warmth. Many of the trees had become barren, a few yellowed leaves swaying with the wind. The sky seemed more bleak than usual, birds flying away from the grey sky to get somewhere warmer before snow covered the ground too.  
  
It was definitely a change from the last time we’d sat out here, during the first week of school. All the sunshine and warmth faded to a whisper, dull and drab colours and feelings taking over the entire place. If I had another place to go, I would’ve preferred that. It was depressing to know that winter was so close to us.  
  
Armin finally spoke up after a while, turning his head to look further at me.  
  
“Have you ever tried to legitimately talk to Jean? Without all the insults and snarky remarks? I mean, there has to be a reason that he… hates you.”  
  
“Uh, you mean my wings?”  
  
“No,” Armin flicked my forehead with a huff, “I more meant he could be jealous of something or have some other reason for disliking you so much. It can’t be your wings alone. That wouldn’t make sense.”  
  
“He doesn’t even know me. Jean is only a dick to me because of my wings, man. I can’t see any other reason for it. He’s just as bad as all the other bullies throughout the years.”  
  
Armin frowned at my semi-harsh response and looked down to the dying ground instead. We stayed sitting in silence for a few minutes before he said anything else.  
  
“By the way, Eren, are we going to see Carla and Grisha for Thanksgiving this year?”  


I hadn’t put too much thought into calling my parents to ask about staying, and I made a mental note to do that later. I assumed it’d be okay in the end anyway, since it was tradition for us. It would be a shock- and far more than a disappointment- if anything came in the way of that happening again this year.  
  
“Yeah. I’ll call them later to let them know we’ll all be coming.”  
  
Armin only smiled in response to me, pressing closer against my side. The two of us stayed outside for another half hour with idle chatter and silence before heading back inside and going our separate ways.  
  
The rest of the day waned off and disappeared. Studying notes, doing homework, talking to Levi, joking on and off. Eating, drinking, bathroom breaks, sleeping. Sometimes, I swore days blended together because they were so average. I wasn’t bothered by that all too much.  
  
Unless it went on for weeks.  
  
Those same few things repeating on and on, circulating from lights on to lights off, inhaling and exhaling. November was boring, to be frank. The only thing keeping my will to live awake and alive was knowing that  I would have family time later in the month. Otherwise, I had no reason to love the passing hours, days, weeks.  
  
I was glad to finally see the last week of November bless us with its greeting. Armin, Mikasa, and I packed up a few things the day of Thanksgiving, after our classes had ended. We all knew there was a significant amount of work piled up for our classes, given the fact that they were soon to end, but it was a sacrifice to make for seeing my parents.

 

Before we left, I offered for Levi to come along with us too. He declined in the end, saying that Hanji would have no one to be with if he went with the three of us instead. I didn’t argue with him about it.  
  
The car drives with my two friends never felt too long. I always played music through my car, so we either all sang along or talked over it. When we talked, it was always casual conversation. When we sang? Oh, it was a theatrical performance, fit with fake hand-microphones, harmonies, dramatic arm gestures, and stares from the cars next to us due to my lack of tinted windows. The song never mattered as long as we could make a full blown performance out of it. I had Bohemian Rhapsody on my phone for this exact reason.  
  
Though the drive took two hours, it felt as if it were only five minutes or so. My parents’ house came into view soon enough. I pulled up to a decent place to park and got out of the car, Armin and Mikasa following suit. I took our bag out of the trunk and carried it to the front door while one of the others rang the bell. My mother was the one to open the front door and immediately smiled, pulling all three of us into a hug.  
  
“Mikasa, Armin! It’s been so long! Come in, please. Dinner should be ready in an hour, so you have some time to settle down and put your stuff away.” She pulled away after a moment and left the door open for us, walking off to the kitchen. The three of us went in through the door and shut it behind us, slipping off shoes and stretching, soaking in the scent of home.  
  
I had a feeling that my house would always be home for the three of us, regardless of where we ended up. Every part of it felt so warm and comforting, from the colours of the walls to the aroma that came from the kitchen. Candles were lit on tables, pictures hung from the walls with old nails, curtains draped down from the windows, plants sat in the corners of rooms, multicoloured carpet stretched underneath our feet. I could always rely on my house being my home when I needed it to be.  
  
After taking in our surroundings, Mikasa, Armin, and I all went up to my room, setting down the bag I brought in and rearranging the area to make it more comfortable for us all to be in later that night. Armin and Mikasa stayed behind to finish unpacking our little amount of stuff while I went on to the kitchen to check on my mother.  
  
Our stove was entirely covered with pots, each one filled with a different food. I noticed the oven was on too, and the table across the room was already set, bottles of cider and wine placed in the centre for the time being. I tried not to disturb my mother’s reverie too much, knowing that she always stayed focused while cooking.  
  
“Do you need any help? I wouldn’t mind doing something for you, if you want me to.”  
  
“Sure thing, Eren. Do you mind working on the mashed potatoes? You know what I usually do.” And there went the next hour. The only noises through the kitchen were the shifting of utensils, feet scuffing against the ground, pots and pans and trays hitting the table’s surface.  
  
I’d barely noticed the point when my father came in the front door. He must’ve had work today, despite it being a holiday. He greeted Armin and Mikasa when they came back down from my room, all three of them walking into the kitchen while my mother and I finished putting food on the table.  
  
My family wasn’t exactly religious, so it wasn’t of utmost importance for us to do grace or any prayers; all we did was say a quick thanks before eating, the compliments to my mum’s cooking coming minutes later in muffled hums. We all talked and ate like nothing had ever changed over the years. My father went on about his latest work story, my mother talked about her plans for upcoming weeks, Armin brought up science as usual, and Mikasa chimed into whatever conversation she could.  
  
Times like this reminded me that I had a place where I was accepted. Sure, it didn’t always feel like that, with the daily reminder I was different from everyone else, but with my family and closest friends by me talking and laughing without a care in the world, I no longer needed to think about that, even if it was for a few hours. Those would be my few hours of bliss and acceptance with nothing to take that away from me.  
  
A little over an hour later, the five of us finished eating and began to clean up. We’d decided on watching some random holiday movie in the living room when the leftovers were put away and the dishes had been cleaned, so we tried even harder to get it all done as fast as we could. I recalled the memories of me and my friends having competitions to see who could get everything cleaned and put away as fast as we could. The winner would always get the biggest slice of dessert pie of some sort after the movie (even though I knew my mother cut each slice evenly for us anyway).  
  
My mother and I finished up the cleaning ourselves as my father and friends went off to set up the movie. Cleaning didn’t take all too long, but my mother still pulled me aside, lowering her voice down and looking into my eyes with that all too caring look of hers.  
  
“Honey, I wanted to check up on you about that… phone call you gave me…” I knew it was coming, but I still felt my heart skip a beat and my throat close up.  
  
“Uh… yeah.”  
  
“It’s perfectly okay if you love him, but you could’ve given me more of heads up.” My mother chuckled a bit, and the warm smile on her face made it a bit easier to calm down. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, looking down to the floor instead of her.  
  
“Sorry about that. But he’s really great, mother. Sort of cold and a jerk to people he doesn’t know, but he’s nice when you get to know him. He genuinely likes my wings too and I… I really like Levi.”  
  
“You _what?_ ” I looked back up and noticed Mikasa standing right behind my mother. She looked confused, angry too, and I saw disappointment somewhere in there. Not betrayal, but shock.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Because I knew she would react like that. I didn’t say that aloud.  
  
“I didn’t know how. You didn’t really get that great of a first impression, and… you have your own relationship to work on. I decided not to bother you with it.” My mother stepped out of view, saying something about working our problems out before completely leaving us be.  
  
“You could’ve said something! I’ve been here for you since what, elementary school? I might have Annie in my life and I might’ve gotten a bad first meeting with Piercing-Face McDouchebag, but I’d care if it was something you said. I’m sure you already told Armin about it, but don’t keep things from me. You might see me as some overprotective bitch that shouldn’t know your love life, and I...  
  
“I’m just looking out for you, Eren.”  
  
There came the guilt. She wasn’t wrong at all. I always had a little more trouble talking to Mikasa over Armin. Deep down, I think I knew that it wouldn’t be too much of an issue to bring it up around her if I actually tried talking instead of keeping everything between me and Armin. Maybe I was making excuses to keep it from her.  
  


“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I need to stop being such a dick. Let’s go watch the movie, okay? I’ll try to update you about everything that’s happened on the drive back to Sina.” I walked forward and held an arm around her shoulder. Her betrayed frown lifted to a small smile. Every time Mikasa smiled, it made my heart feel warm. Of course, it wasn’t in the romantic love; it simply made me happy to make my close friends happy, even at my own detriment. In a way, I loved those two as if they were my family.  
  
The five of us enjoyed the movie playing on the television for the next two hours, laughing with every funny scene, smiling and talking to each other through a few other scenes. We all had blankets with the cold November air closing in on the walls, the fireplace running to help with warmth.  


I don’t think I could ever live without my family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was posted at the same time as twelve, so i'll save my ranting until the end of there. d:


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey !! make sure you're on the right chapter before you go on. i posted this at the same time i did eleven. c:

The next day, we headed back to campus. The drive still held those last few strings of warmth, circling around us with the music and chatter about my love life, fading when Sina came into view. We grabbed our bag and unpacked it in Armin’s room, taking our individual belongings and going our separate ways. To my surprise, Levi was asleep when I made it back to my own dorm.

We still had some time before class was to start, but Levi usually got ready and cleaned up right around now. I tried to stay quiet for the time being to not disturb him. After a half hour passed, I heard the buzzing and ringing of a phone, followed my Levi getting up and out of bed. He looked more tired and annoyed than usual, and I didn’t even want to ask what in the world Hanji did to him the day before to make that possible.

“You can go ahead of me to class. I’ll catch up.” I didn’t argue with him. I muttered an ‘okay’ whether he heard it or not and packed up my things. Before I left, I made sure that he was alright. Hanji definitely did something, probably alcohol related.

My nerves always pricked at me a bit when I walked alone. Every time I went to Armin’s room, every time I left to get breakfast by myself, every time I walked to class without someone next to me. There was always the fear that I would be left to be eaten alive, beaten down by words or by fists. I never wanted to go anywhere unless someone stood next to me; I knew it was impossible to have that.

There were some days that my fears became reality. People like Jean always had to appear in front of me, walking the same hallway, grimacing at the mere sight of me and my wings. I prayed that he wouldn’t speak up, but I couldn’t have as much as that.

“God, why do you even have to share the same air as me?”

“Because I’m a living thing?” I muttered.

“Like you deserve a life. You should go kill yourself already.” Jean rolled his eyes. His shoulder hit into mine when he walked off. I had to admit that his insults hurt just a little bit more this time. His childish tone had disappeared.

And that bothered me.

I understood I wasn’t his favourite person on the planet. It didn’t feel too bad when he had the lame insults and the stupid facial expressions, yet I knew that wasn’t the same thing. His face looked stone cold, any of the teasing aura that was once there was completely gone.

I didn’t talk much in class because of that, the words repeating over and over in my head like a mantra. The professor got off topic halfway through class anyway, so it didn’t matter if I took notes or not. We managed to start talking about languages, going from English all the way over to Latin. In the midst of ranting on and on about the not-so-dead language, he wrote his apparent favourite word up on the board in all capital letters, drawing designs around it in every whiteboard marker colour he owned.

‘ALTIVOLUS’ was written there, big and bold, with the pronunciation next to it. He said it meant ‘flying high’ or ‘soaring’, like all of us were supposed to be doing in life as our purpose. I saw him glance at me for a moment, and he instantly looked guilty. I guess he knew what bullshit that was to me.

Class ended soon enough, luckily. Hanji didn’t stop me on the way out, but Levi caught up to me a minute later.

“You look like a kicked puppy.” I guessed that was his version of seeing if I was okay. At least he tried.

“Just the professor and shit-for-wings. Like the professor wasn’t trying to hurt me, but Jean… He stepped up his insult game.”

I looked at Levi. He was quiet and waited for me to continue.

“It wasn’t teasing this time. He barely even tried before. It actually sort of hurt for once, Levi. Like shit, do people really hate me enough to wish me dead?”

He slowed down his walking pace and stared at the ground. We walked in silence, slower than before, until we got to the dorm room. Levi made it to his bed before saying something in response.

“Some people aren’t nice, Eren. He’s not nice, and he’s an idiot on top of that. So, for some stupid reason, he thinks it’s cool to torment you. It sucks ass, but it’s the truth and… you’re going to have to deal with him and all the other people wishing death on you. Not to say I won’t help at all. But no promises on me being there every time.”

Levi sounded sincere. Regardless of how he worded the things he said, I could always hear the meaning behind it. That’s what mattered to me.

The next two weeks past there were a blur. Our professor for the month wasn’t the best at staying on topic, but I applauded him for at least trying. Sort of. I had a feeling that passing the final would either be the easiest thing in the world, or it would kill my grade. I was positive there wasn’t going to be an in between.

Every day grew colder with December saying its greeting, and there were already a few days where it began to snow. I was glad to never see more than a centimetre at a time. Any greenery was entirely gone by now, too, and I could never leave the building without a sweater of some sort on me.

It was on one of the days coming from breakfast with Armin that I was reminded of the upcoming holidays. We stopped by his dorm as usual, and as one topic ended, I brought the other up.

“Man, maybe I should try and make plans with Levi this Christmas. See my parents too, like usual, but it would be nice to do something with him.”

“Do you have anything specific in mind?” Armin asked. His wings fluttered a bit, and a bright smile grew across his face. He looked as excited as I felt.

“I don’t know, I want something special. Not dinner and movie special but sentimental special, you know? I want us to do something unforgettable, even if it isn’t huge and spectacular and over the top. And that hopefully won't be a tuition payment.”

“Well, maybe you could find something outside to do. I’m sure there’s plenty of places open to look at Christmas lights or to walk around and enjoy the scenery. You two could talk and enjoy something all pretty and colourful. If you don't want to freeze to death, then there's always art galleries and arcades.” Armin suggested. I took his ideas into consideration, getting up from my spot and thanking him on the way out the door.

I still needed to ask him if he was doing anything before I made any actual plans. I sort of just made the assumption that he wasn’t planning on going anywhere that day.

When I walked into the room, he was doing some sort of work, probably writing out an essay that was due in our class. I sat down on the edge of my own bed and leaned forward a bit, trying to figure out a way to bring up the subject. Before I even managed to get to that, he interrupted my thoughts without even looking at me.

“You’re staring at me. What do you want to say?”

“Oh, uh… I was wondering if you had plans for the holidays.”

He stopped writing for a minute to look over to me, his expression staying neutral. He swung his legs off of his bed and faced me.

“Why do you ask?”

“I sort of wanted to do something with you. We haven’t really done much together aside from lunch a couple months ago. Hell, it’d be nice to celebrate something with you, with Christmas and all that coming up. Maybe even your birthday someday.”

The room fell silent for a minute. He turned back on his bed and looked away from me. I watched as his hand started working back on whatever paper he had in his hands.

“Well, lucky for you. Those two things are the same day.”

“Oh shit, your birthday’s on Christmas? For real?”

Levi nodded, and the conversation faded from there. I started to fiddle with other things for the time being, hoping for some sort of response to what I’d said before mentioning his birthday. I couldn’t suppress my grin when he said ‘you can do whatever with me that day’ after another five minutes.

The rest of the day went by fast from there, and I decided to hold off on talking to Armin until the next day. I didn’t feel like continually going back and forth between the two rooms for the rest of the night, discussing possible plans with Armin, going through with the with Levi. Staying in bed for the rest of the night was fine with me.

Of course, sometime the next afternoon I met up with him, going over what Levi and I had talked about the day before. He matched my excitement about Levi’s birthday, and we went on about things to do all over again. I liked the idea of Christmas lights, yet there was another part of me that wanted to do something that could celebrate both days at once. We continued talking and bouncing ideas off of each other for another half hour before Armin gave up.

“I really don’t know then, Eren. You could go swimming or stargazing or something crazy in the middle of the winter if you really wanted to. I can’t help you anymore.”

“That’s… it.”

“What?”

“Stargazing.”

“But it’s- Eren, it’s the middle of winter.”

“So?” Armin stared at me. He looked disappointed in me. For once, I didn’t mind. Sure, it would be freezing by the time we went, but blankets and jackets existed for a reason. There was no way it could really end up being that bad with the right things.

I left the room shortly after. Armin still seemed happy that I found something to do that day despite his initial disappointment in my choice of plans. When I got back to the dorm, I asked- more like told- Levi about plans for that day. I didn’t specify on what we were doing and decided to let him know on the day.

I already felt excited that day alone, and the passing December days only managed to make me more unbelievably impatient and thrilled. Our class for the day was closed down because of the holiday anyway, so I knew we could stay out as long as we wanted without any consequences. In the weeks leading up, I decided with Armin to go out on the day before his birthday since we could watch the sunrise the next morning.

Even though he already knew I made plans, I gave him constant reminders of the day coming up, especially on the day before. The day of the event was spent with last minute school work before the holiday the next day, talking with Armin about the plans, and for once including Mikasa in the mix. She agreed that it was stupid for me to stay outside all night in the middle of winter, but she did enjoy the thought behind it.

I waited some hours after the sunset to make sure we weren’t out too late but late enough to enjoy the sunrise only a few hours later. It was definitely going to be freezing, so I’d already put on my warmest hoodie and stuffed a blanket in the trunk of my car.

“Levi, come on, the sun already set hours ago. I need to take you out before it gets too late in the night.”

His groan echoed through the room, but it didn’t stop me from tying my shoes on and pulling on my favourite hoodie in preparation. He simply stared at me for a solid minute with his arms folded over his chest, stubborn as I expected him to be.

“Why are you even taking me out?”

“I already explained that, Levi. I said yesterday that I was going to take you somewhere, didn’t I?” A moment of silence. “Well, I did, and now we’re going.”

Levi rolled his eyes at me but pulled on a jacket anyway, slipping on some shoes and walking towards the front door. With a silent, excited cheer I lead him out of our dorm, down the hall, and eventually out of the building too. The parking lot wasn’t all that far away, and I took out my keys, searching for my own car in the sea of other sleeping vehicles. It wasn’t long before I found it and unlocked it, walking over to the driver’s side while Levi opened the passenger door for himself.

We jumped into my old, white Civic, and Levi’s nose almost immediately scrunched up. He slowly climbed into the passenger seat and sat down, wiping a finger along the dashboard and grimacing at the thin layer of dust that had settled on it.

“Jesus, when’s the last time you cleaned this thing? It’s… dirty.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“When do I have time to clean it? And c’mon, it’s not that bad. There’s even a little air freshener in here- see?” I lightly flicked the green pine tree hanging from the front mirror and gave him a reassuring smile, starting up the engine without another word. Soon enough, we were leaving the campus without as much as a sound from him.

A couple of minutes passed by in silence as we made our way onto the highway, driving past building after building, light after light. I would normally blast my own music and sing- or scream- along to the lyrics, but I glanced over to Levi for a moment instead.

“You can hook up your phone to the bluetooth. The car’s old, but the stereo isn’t. Play whatever you want.” I saw him give me a short, affirmative nod out of the corner of my eye and he soon began to fiddle with his phone and the stereo. It took a few minutes before anything began to play, but soon enough, music began to echo through the car.

The drive out took an hour, and in that time, I looked at the artist playing for each song. It was weird to see someone like Levi be into music along the lines of dream pop and electronic, even the occasional chillstep playing. He seemed like he would be into alternative or indie rock at least, but that was far from what he was playing. Instead of that, though I didn’t mind it all too much, there was a mix of Studio Killers and Crystal Castles, Porter Robinson and Vexento. It’s not exactly my favourite thing to listen to, but I didn’t mind it all that much. If Levi wanted to listen to it, then I wouldn’t complain.

When we arrived in the middle of an empty field next to some old road, it was already half past midnight. I turned off the engine and climbed out of my car, stretching before going around to the trunk. I carefully opened it and pulled out a blanket, holding it in one arm and glancing over to Levi. He pulled down the sleeves of his black jacket over his hands and shut the door with his hip, walking over to me.

“Remind me why I decided to listen to you and come along. You said you had something to show me, but there’s nothing out here.”

“Exactly. Now come on and follow me.” I lightly pulled on the sleeve of his jacket and began to walk out into the field. He huffed softly but complied, his footsteps leaving slight tracks next to my own.

We walked out until I couldn’t see the road anymore, and I finally stopped to unfold and lay the blanket down in the grass. There wasn’t much frost on the ground, luckily, but it was still stiff and almost crunchy considering the time of year. I gently sat down on the blanket I spread out and motioned for Levi to sit next to me. He stared for about a solid minute before giving in, sitting next to me and propping himself up on his elbows.

The two of us sat in silence for a while, staring at the sky as a slight breeze rolled through, carrying the coldness of the winter. Even so, it didn’t take away from how great it looked.

"Just look at them… Did you know there were so many stars in the sky?"  
  
"Yes." Levi snorted, though I could hear that he was more amused than making fun of my comment. He soon laid all the way down on the blanket, and I followed suit. Despite the frigid air around us, the blanket was warm and comforting.

Another moment of silence passed. I had a feeling they would keep rolling by through the night, conversation flickering on and off between us. I didn’t mind.

It was comfortable. The air was bitter and cold, no doubt about it. Even with the blanket under us, I have to admit the ground felt like a rock. Everything about our surroundings sucked, but Levi made it alright.

He wasn’t exactly the warmest person on the planet, but there was something that didn’t quite make him the coldest either. Most of the time, he kept a cold look on his face, though that wasn’t always the case. The changes in his expression were almost always subtle, but I learned to know the difference. It always warmed my heart a little bit when he relaxed and looked content every so often. Like he did now.

A solid half hour or so passed by before he turned to me and spoke again.

“You never told me what your taste in music is like, Eren. You know mine.”

“Right, uh, rock music.”

“Wow, how specific.” I lightly slapped his arm and went on.

“I don’t know, I like rock. Alternative is cool, pop is okay sometimes… I have a soft spot for indie rock, though.”

“What bands?”

“Reverie Sound Revue is my favourite by far. Like, if I could play guitar, I would play every song by them. It’s such a shame they only got two albums out. I haven’t heard anything from them in _years._ I guess aside from them, Bright Eyes is nice, Modest Mouse is great, Metric can be cool.” I paused for a moment and looked back towards Levi.

He looked at me in silence for about ten seconds before pulling out his phone and scrolling through something. He bit down on his lip piercing (that I almost always forgot he had, for the record) and stayed quiet for another minute.

“Try Young Galaxy or Echosmith, maybe Lykke Li and MGMT. There’s some variety in there you might like if you dig deep enough.” He put his phone back away and lightly rubbed his eyes before looking back up to me with a slight shrug.

“Oh, uh, thank you. I’ll make sure to check them out sometime. I always like music recommendations.”

“No problem.”

More silence. I was definitely right when I assumed this would keep on happening. Again, I didn’t mind it. The bitterness of winter didn’t seem too bad laying next to him on a blanket, out in the middle of nowhere. I’d never been a huge fan of winter, the cold always too much for me and the bleak skies far too boring. Any other month was better than winter, in my opinion. With the warmth of the summer, the freshness of the spring, and the colours of autumn, I’d never seen the appeal of winter.

I think Levi might have changed that for me.

Maybe it was because he blended in so well to the atmosphere of the season. Winters are always so still and quiet, seemingly cold and bleak unless you look further into them, but I had to remember that there was beauty in it too. It was harder to find, yes, but it was there nonetheless, hidden under the snow, hiding behind the grey clouds, as whispers in the frigid wind, as shadows amidst the barren trees.

Part of me always believed that there was some form of light, some type of beauty in everything no matter how hard it was to find. Levi and the winter were two that went hand in hand.

There went another hour, watching the stars glitter and gleam against the nearly cloudless sky, hearing the frozen winds pass through the air, feeling the browned grass try to poke through the blanket. In any other case, I would be bothered by the lack of conversation. This was different.

I broke the silence before he did.

“You know, I swear my entire life is like some giant swingset I can’t jump off of.”

“What?” Levi sounded more confused than rude.

“I’m up there all the time, flying, feeling everything under my wings, but I can never fully _fly._ I sort of get the feeling before I have to slow down, but I can never jump off and fly. I’ll always fall when I jump.”

“Why do you keep jumping when you know you’re going to fall then?”

“In the hope that I won’t fall some time.”

Levi hummed, but I wasn’t sure if it was just to end the conversation or in agreement. Either way, we didn’t talk for another half hour. It was then that I noticed that right wing of his twitch again and brought that up instead, since I’d wanted to ask for months.

“Why does your right wing do that? It… sort of… twitches and jerks a bit.”

“Muscle spasms. It’s always been like that.” His response seemed seamless. Actually, almost too seamless given the way he would always take a breath or look at me or do something before responding. This time, his answer was immediate and a little defensive too. I regretted asking.

I had to admit that his wings looked nice under the moon and starlight, though. They matched the colour of the sky beneath the light, each and every feather reflecting the white hue. I would've said something about it if Levi wasn’t holding his arms around himself in such an uncomfortable way.

The tenseness faded as another half hour passed by, small talk made in replacement for the silence. Favourite seasons (mine is summer and Levi’s is winter), favourite food (I love pizza but he prefers sweet and sour chicken), least favourite genre of music (we agreed on country). The topics continually switched, one coming right after the other. Another hour passed by just like that, followed by silence when our rants on the best trees was finished.

Knowing how the earlier hours of the night went on, it wasn’t very much of a surprise when I broke the silence between us yet again.

“You should tell me more about your childhood, Levi.”

When I turned to look at Levi, his expression changed a bit. I almost took back what I said, but he stared up at the sky and took a deep breath. Then he went on.

“It was okay. I had two parents, no siblings, but I grew up in a kind of shitty area. The kind of place where your lullaby is a series of gunshots and yelling and police sirens nearly every night. I made it through alive and only a little fucked up, at least. I had my two close friends with me all the way through school, and I usually stayed at one of their houses instead of my own. My parents were there, but they gave more of a shit about cigarettes and cheap vodka than my whereabouts. I just did my own thing until I came here for school instead.”

I didn’t know how to react at first. I didn’t know if I should be sorry or be happy he made it this far or worried that he got hurt or… anything. I grew up in an almost picture perfect home, so it was hard to imagine a place where I wasn’t close to my family or had to be scared of my surroundings every day.

Levi snapped me out of my thoughts with a flick to the forehead and a scoff, shaking his head without looking at me.

“Don’t get all sad and mopey, idiot. Some people have shitty stories, and you can’t do anything about that. I’m alive, aren’t I?”

“You… are.” Levi looked into my eyes for a moment then down to what I thought was the ground. To my surprise, he took my hand and slowly pressed it against his chest, right over his heart. I swore it looked like he wanted to lace our fingers together, but he kept them as they were. I could feel the steady pulse beneath my fingertips, slightly quickened, but a steady pulse nonetheless. It felt strong underneath my hand, as if his heart was as determined to live as he was.

“You’re alive.”

“I’m alive. Life is absolute bullshit, but you get through it anyway.”

I nodded once in response, absolutely speechless. He wasn’t wrong about any of what he said. Slowly, he moved my hand back off of his chest and laid back flat on the blanket with his hands on his chest. With the pale moonlight illuminating everything around us, I was able to notice the slight red of his cheeks.

Another hour of silence managed to follow after that. Levi stayed quiet and so did I. I watched the stars, of course, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t pay any attention to him too. He looked so calm and serene staring at the sky. The cold only seemed to feel stronger since we got out to the field, yet there wasn’t a part of me actually willing to be bothered by it.

Hesitantly, I broke the silence. I kept my voice low and soft, speaking like the air would shatter if I said anything too fast or harsh, like the stars would hide if I whispered too loud, like Levi would run if I disrupted the beautiful world built around us.

“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else.”

We kept quiet for a moment, Levi silently thinking of how to answer and me patiently waiting.

“I’ve never told anyone that… I’ve always been afraid of death. I know it’s stupid for me to be all determined to live and all that fuck I said, but it’s terrifying to think that I could die any second. I could be walking across the street and some drunken asshole could hit me with his car. I might be laying in bed and have a heart attack and no one’s there to help me. Death is always right behind us, just waiting for the right time to end our lives.”

He looked like he expected me to laugh at him for that. I wasn’t able to.

“You’re right. You’re alive right now but… but what if something comes crashing down from the sky and kills us both?” I knew it was a terrible example, but the small smile that Levi managed made my awful excuse worth it. He nodded once and looked back up to the stars, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Your turn, Eren.”  
  
"I've never told anyone but… when I was little, I always wanted to be up in the sky with all the other stars.” Levi looked at me oddly, but I knew that was expected.   
  
"It must be kind of nice out there."

"But it isn't,” I paused, “I considered after a while that they can see all the other stars out there, and they want to talk to them. They can't though, because they're all too far apart to know what the others are saying. All they can do... is shine their light from far, far away. So that's what they do; they shine their lights at the other stars and at me."  
  
"Why you?" He asked more gently. I could hear the genuine curiosity in his voice without even the slightest hint of ridicule. He returned the favour of understanding.  
  
"Because one day... I'm going to be one of them. Not a giant ball of gas, of course, and not millions of miles away from everyone around me, but I want to blend in some day. I would love to have two wings of the same colour like everyone else does… It’s like all the stars in the sky. They all look similar from here, but that only makes them prettier. I wish I could be another star in the sky.”

“What’s the point of being the same blur in the crowd though?” Levi turned on his side, raising an eyebrow and looking at me. “You should stand out. You were born with the chance to take what you have and be extraordinary, so I don’t think you should waste it trying to become ordinary.”  
  
I stayed silent and thought about it. There was always a way to make what I have into something great, but it was never anything more than a setback for me. I couldn’t see it as a benefit anymore. With the bullying and the physical detriment, I never thought of my wings as an advantage to me.

He had a point though. I had the chance to be something more, and I could easily do that if I wanted to. I could be extraordinary if I tried instead of giving up from the very start, if I turned my life around after nearly two decades of living with the same thoughts, the same mindset. I could do anything I wanted.

The cold air continued to surround us, and I jumped off of that train of thought. I turned on my own side to look at Levi, propping myself up on my elbow and resting my chin in my hand.

“What’s your favourite ice cream flavour, Levi?”

“Vanilla.”

“Jeez, how plain.” He scoffed, sitting up fully and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well yours can’t be much better.”

“Rocky road.” I didn’t hide my own face of shock when he grimaced at my answer.

“There’s so much shit in there though. I’m enjoying ice cream for the creaminess, and then some jackass decided it was a _great_ idea to add nuts and marshmallows and everything under the sun into it. It’s disgusting.” Every word was an absolute stab to my heart. How could he hate something as good as rocky road ice cream? There was no way we could be friends under these conditions.

Seeing the pout I gave him from his complaints about my favourite icecream flavour, Levi huffed and laid back down with a deep scowl on his face.

“Why the hell am I even out here with you? It’s winter, it’s like five in the morning, we’ve been here for hours-”

“But look at how nice it is! Sure, it’s a little cold and we have another half before the sun rises, but I wanted to be out here with you.”

“Why today? Couldn’t this wait until spring?” He sighed heavily, looking over to me with probably the most annoyed expression I’d ever seen on his face. I didn’t think it was possible to see him so much more annoyed than usual.

“I’ll tell you when the sun rises.”

“What the hell will we be doing for another half hour then?”

I stayed quiet for another minute. I did have an idea in mind, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to risk it. I looked back over to Levi for a second, and it was then that I decided I had nothing to lose but time.

“Sing.”

For the longest time, I was convinced down to my very core that Mikasa had mastered Medusa's stare. I knew that I did something she didn’t like when that look covered her face. Usually, it was more of a mother bear-type thing, but it still scared me into never doing whatever again so I didn’t have to see that face of hers. Now, I’m sure if she were to see Levi right in this moment, she would go straight from stone to dust without a second glance.

He kept that look on his face for another solid minute before rolling his eyes and looking away from me. I thought that it was a blatant ‘no’, but I was entirely wrong, much to my own satisfaction.

I had no idea what the song was or who sang it, the lyrics were a blur as they were sung, but I’ll always remember the way my heart felt.

Levi truly did have a good voice. I wouldn’t say it was enough for chills or to make someone cry on the spot, but it was still great. Every note sounded raspy and rough, yet it suited him. I knew it was originally some electronic song by some random artist I would never listen to, though the way Levi sang it almost, _almost_ made me consider asking.

Until he stopped singing and said two words that made my stomach churn.

“Your turn.”

“...Seriously?”

“Seriously. I don’t give a flying fuck if you can’t sing well. Just do it until the sun starts coming up.” He was serious. I didn’t need to hear him say it again.

It took me a moment to think of a song to sing, especially one that was in my range, but I thought of something soon enough.

The entire time, I looked away from Levi. I kept my eyes on the horizon and the faint amount of light coming from it. The lyrics were as clear as day to me, yet the thought of messing up in front of him made it nerve-wracking. I never sang in front of people nor did I ever want to. I knew I could sing in time and in tune, sing every sound precisely, but that didn’t mean I had a nice voice.

Much to my relief, I finished the song. Ignoring the odd throbbing in my chest, I looked over to Levi. He looked… surprised. Shocked, in awe, like he wasn’t expecting to hear my voice. That only made me more nervous.

“You have a nice voice too.” I didn’t bother hiding the ridiculous grin on my face.

The next twenty or so minutes went by just like that. Levi sang whatever came to mind. I did the same right after. We didn’t speak or look at each other, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

Soon enough, the palest shades of pink and yellow began to rise from the horizon. When I fully looked over to Levi, any bit of displeasure or annoyance that was written over his face from earlier in the night melted away like the frost under the warm beams of sunshine. He didn’t look over to me at all, his eyes focused on the rising sun and the colours it painted across the sky and even the ground. He seemed so at peace for once, and the rare sight of him like that only made my heart skip a couple beats in my chest.

As the sun finally rose above the horizon, Levi looked at me, the softness in his expression still present, though I saw his attempt at trying to cover it up the best he could. There wasn’t anything more I could’ve asked for.

“Why did you choose today to show me the sunrise?”

“Because I wanted to be the first to tell you ‘happy birthday’, Levi.”   **  
**  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so time for author's note ranting and all that jazz.  
> \- these two chapters were actually shorter than i wanted. o: partly lack of motivation and partly laziness lmao. but eyy, this is still the longest chapter so far. like 6k that i managed in a week by some miracle.  
> \- school is kicking my ass but i've been able to find time to write in the middle of class because laptops are great. i'm still slow on comments though, so be patient with me. o:  
> \- *cough cough* i'd totally accept art for this chapter *cough hack cough cough*  
> \- thanks for all the hits/ comments/ kudos. ;o; hopefully i can get this next chapter up soon~ love you all. <3


	14. Chapter Thirteen

“You really forgot your birthday was today?”  
  
“Only because I’m tired. I can’t think straight when I’m running off of nothing, Eren. But again... thanks. I enjoyed that.”  
  
We both sat in my car with the sun above the horizon, the last remaining rays of pink beginning to fade from the sky. Levi had the passenger seat leaned back as far as it could reach, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes closed. We were both tired, him more than me, but making his face turn such a bright shade of red on the walk back to my car made all the previous hours completely worth it. He could barely even say something at first, save for a mumbled ‘oh thanks, I actually sort of forgot’, yet I understood how he felt from his expression and posture alone. My heart skipped a few beats at the sight.  
  
“You know… My house is only an hour away from here. I wouldn’t mind going there to rest for a while. We don’t have to go back to the campus right now if you don’t want to.” I suggested. I expected him to decline even with his state of exhaustion, but to my surprise, he accepted. With a short nod, I started up the car. Before I began driving, I sent a quick text to my mother to let her know what was going on. I didn’t need to look at the reply to know she said yes.  
  
I played my own music on the drive there, since Levi had fallen asleep only minutes into the trip. It was hard to focus on the road knowing how peaceful he looked laying next to me, but I managed to get there without killing either of us. Once I parked the car, though, I had to admit I was hesitant on waking him up. I admittedly spent a few minutes to admire how relaxed he seemed. His slightly parted lips, his somewhat ruffled hair, the slow, even breathing. It was a shame I had to disrupt him to get inside.  
  
When I finally awoke him from his slumber, we both walked up to my house in slow strides, exhausted from staying up so late and the long car ride. My mother greeted us at the door with a sleepy smile of her own, greeting Levi and leaving us to be by ourselves for the time being. I could tell Levi didn’t look around much then, so I made a mental note to myself to show him around later, when we were both awake and able to function.  
  
My room was small, and I set up a few blankets and a pillow for me to sleep on the floor. I did the same when Mikasa and Armin were over for Thanksgiving; Levi climbed into my bed for then. Neither I nor Levi changed into clothing suitable for sleeping, but I don’t think either of us could care less.  
  
It was a bit past eleven by the time we woke back up, bright light shining in from the window. Though that was only about four hours, it was enough for both of us to make it through the day. I offered Levi some of my spare clothes to change into, and he once again surprised me by taking them. I was happy to see him borrow something of mine willingly. I left him alone to change into a t-shirt and pair of jeans, changing out my own clothes in the bathroom down the hall. It would be a lie to say I wasn’t tempted to stay in the same room, but I shook off the thought with a blush I’d hoped he didn’t see on my way out.  
  
Levi and I met back up a couple minutes later with clean clothing and headed back downstairs. My shirt and pants were a little big on him, but I didn’t comment on it. I heard my mother call from the kitchen and lead Levi through the archway connecting the adjacent room to the kitchen.  
  
“There’s some pancakes for the two of you, if you’d like to join us for a late breakfast.” I looked around and noticed my father sitting at the table, for once. He must’ve been able to take a day off for the holidays. On the table was a large stack of pancakes, two clean plates next to them, and a bottle of maple syrup. Levi and I said our thanks and sat down at the table with my parents, taking our own plates and pancakes. It was no surprise to me to see green and red sprinkles mixed into the pancakes like every Christmas breakfast, but when I looked up to Levi, he seemed almost shocked. As if he’d never had a special meal for the holidays. I could feel my heart skip another beat with his expression. At this rate, I was sure Levi was going to cause a future heart condition for me.  
  


The four of us ate in silence for a few moments before my mother spoke up. I was afraid that she was going to bring up something to embarrass me, but to my relief, she started casual conversation.  
  


“So, how’s school been for you, Levi?” He seemed surprised at the question but looked over to Carla nonetheless.  
  


“It’s been… fine. I’ve passed every course so far with no problem.”  
  


“Oh, that’s good to hear. What are you majoring in?”  
  


“English, creative writing to be specific. I’ve always wanted to publish books someday.”  
  


The exchange went on for a while after that, my mother and Levi going on about English and specific classes, what he writes and how he would prefer to publish. He seemed a little uncomfortable talking at first, but he adjusted soon enough. It was nice to see him physically light up so much by discussing literature, rambling on about what he’s passionate in and what he wants to do. I didn’t add anything to the conversation, yet it didn’t bother me that I didn’t talk. He was happy, and that meant more than the world to me.  
  


Breakfast finished about an hour later. I was the only one not to speak in the end, my parents absolutely fascinated by Levi and everything he had to talk about. How he made it from Japan to here, how he found his love for English, how he feels about all our professors and even how he felt about me (though he was a little vague on it, to my disappointment). He helped clean up the table and put away the dishes, and he excused himself to go get something from my bedroom that he’d left there earlier. My father left soon after, and I knew there was no escape on talking to my mother alone.  
  


She hesitated for a moment. Looked at me, looked away, looked again, took a breath. Her nervousness made me uncomfortable.  
  


“Levi’s nice. I didn’t think he would be your type, but he’s very likable, Eren. Smart, respectful, passionate, and-"  
  
“Mother. What’s the ‘but’ to this?” I never interrupted her, but I knew she was rambling to avoid what she actually wanted to say to me.  
  


“But… be careful. I’m so, so glad you found someone you like and he’s so nice and everything, but I don’t want you to get hurt. You know people have used you and pretended to be nice to you before.”  
  


“Thanks for the sugar coating there…” She looked a little hurt by my comment, but I felt a little hurt myself. I was aware of how many people had been pity friends of mine, only trying to be nice to pretend they were good people. They always gave up on trying after a while. I didn’t need the reminder of all the shitty memories.  
  


Deep, deep down, I knew Levi would never be that person, but for that one second, I doubted it. Maybe my mother was right, and all the months I spent with him would be for nothing. He would be the person to yank the chain of the ever moving swing set, but this time, I would break my neck instead of scraping my knees. If he ever abandoned me, I knew the pain would be paralyzing, far worse than a band-aid covered wound. My mother would be there to help me put on the brace, wipe my tears, protect me, but I didn’t want her to be right.  
  


I wanted him to be the one person that loved me and meant it. I didn’t want the acting, the fake display of kindness out of pity, the sickly sweet smiles and compliments that were laced with poison I couldn’t yet taste. He wasn’t the kind of person to fake everything and put on an elaborate show to save my feelings. I told myself that, and Armin told me too. He was honest and blunt, a little too much so at some points, but he never put on a filter.  
  


Part of the reason I loved him so much was because of that. Not because he was honest about me but because he was to the point about everything. About his struggles, about his opinions, about life. He didn’t hide in fear. He was alive and wasn’t afraid to show it.  
  


Levi was alive, and I wanted to share that life with him.  
  


“I’m sorry, I know. I only want you to be safe, honey. Not everyone has been nice to you. I worry.”  
  


“It’s okay… I’ll be safe.” I gave my mother a hug and ended the conversation, walking into the living room and setting up a movie for Levi and I. He came back down from my room a minute or two after that and noticed me, walking in and sitting down. I explained that we were watching a movie, whether he liked it or not, and I was glad to hear he was fine with it anyway.  
  


The next couple hours passed with ease. I felt guilty for even having any doubts about Levi. He watched the movie in near complete silence with me. We took a short break to look around my house, and by the time we went onto movie number two for the evening, we were sitting shoulder to shoulder. I wasn’t blind to the occasional glances my way and the warmth of his arm pressed against mine. He definitely hadn’t fallen asleep, so I knew it was a conscious choice for him to be so close. There wasn’t any part in me willing to push him away.  
  


Half of the way through movie number three and he was even closer. I could feel his pulse, hear his soft breathing, see the little details I wouldn’t notice from a distance. It made my own heart quicken and stutter (developing heart condition for sure), and my mind seemed to race even more. I gave a little into the possibility that he did have feelings for me. Maybe my judgement was a little blurred from the warmth of now or the cold we spent all night in, and I couldn’t quite see clear yet. But, maybe, Armin was right from the start. He’s stayed so close because of how he feels; it’s not fake, it’s not solely to protect me from everyone else. I hoped I was right.  
  


Movie three was paused about halfway through for dinner. There were only the four of us, so the meal wasn’t too large. I knew it was still enough that my mother and father would have leftovers for a solid week or two afterwards, however. A turkey, homemade biscuits, various fruits and vegetables. Levi looked like he didn’t even know what to do with it all.  
  


The two of us sat back down with my parents and started taking food on our own plates, Levi hesitating a little before grabbing his own. I guessed he wasn’t used to haven’t so much food on the table in front of him.  
  


My parents once again began asking about Levi’s life, his hopes, his dreams. They went a little more into personal things- friends and family- though he avoided the latter subject as much as he possibly could. I learned a little bit more about his relationship with Kit and his former friends who stayed behind while he went onto college. This time, I spoke up a little bit more to ask things I wasn’t sure about, Levi seeming to light up even more at the presence of my voice in the mixture of conversation.  
  


He didn’t crack a smile even once through either meal, in the end. Even if the mere ghost of one appeared, it never bloomed to its full potential. I hoped for it to appear at least once or twice, when something he really loved came up, but it didn’t surprise me to not see it show up once.  
  


My mother started thawing out a chocolate cream pie she had frozen for today while the rest of cleaned up in silence. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable or stiff in any way. Actually, it was sort of satisfying to have it. It was as if the silence was meant to be the end of the conversation, as if everything that needed to spoken was already spoken, and nothing more needed to be added on to what we had. It still felt blissful when Levi and I walked off to finish the third movie I put on for the evening.  
  


I was only somewhat interested in the film when we continued it, more focused on how Levi was feeling. He laid more against me this time, uncaring of the lack of space between us. I wouldn’t have moved that close to him myself, knowing how he was with his personal bubble, but I wasn’t going to shift away since he closed the gap for once. He didn’t say a word about it or ask if I was okay with it (not that I minded anyway), but I did want to comment on it.  
  


Why now? Did he never find the chance to get so close to me? Does he feel like he should after the previous night and morning? Maybe he felt he wanted to all of a sudden. Or, only maybe, he always wanted to.  
  


The third movie of the day ended luckily in time for the pie to be thawed and hot cider to be made. I was reluctant to move from my spot, and Levi was too. After a silent agreement for us to both get up, we went and got our hot cider, setting it down on the coffee table in front of us.  
  


“What’s a movie you’ve never seen? One that I can pull up for right now?”  
  


“I don’t know, Eren. You’ve already shown me enough shitty holiday movies for the day.”  
  


“Hey, ‘Home Alone’, is _not_ shitty!” Levi only smirked at my response, elbowing me in the side to shut me up.  
  


“Right. Anyway, what did we see earlier?”  
  


“First was ‘Love, Actually’ and that other one was ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’. I don’t know, I’m just putting on whatever’s recorded in here.” I watched him pick up his pie and start eating it, listening as I started to list off everything we could watch. I stopped part way through all the options, gasping at the name of one of them.  
  


“Levi, you’ve never seen ‘The Polar Express’, have you?”  
  


“Oh for fuck’s sake, please don’t play that.” He didn’t need to say another word. I grabbed the remote and clicked the play button before he could object. He commented that my choices in movies were childish, and that they ‘fit my age’. A little playful argument started up; it ended only a few moments later when I took my pie and began eating it as an excuse to not talk to him. I wasn’t enough of a douche to talk with my mouth full.  
  


The two of us ate our chilled pie and drank our hot cider as the movie played on. We kept our distance in the beginning, but as soon as plates and cups were set aside, it changed. It was already enough of a surprise to me when Levi sat so close earlier in the day, yet the one thing I wouldn’t have expected was for him to physically pull me closer. He rested one arm around my waist and shifted me until our legs were pressed together. He didn’t do so much as glance to me, yet I would have to be blind to fail to notice the shade of pink that covered his face.  
  


At some point during the movie, I managed to completely lay down, my head in his lap and both of my arms around his waist. He ran his fingers through my hair and silently watched on, even though I was sure he wasn’t entirely into it. To my surprise (it really was the day for shocking moments with him), he was able to quote the movie, right in time with it.  
  


“Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.” I looked up to him. Interesting quote to choose from.  
  


“I knew you were a softie, Levi.”  
  


“No, I’m not. I just have an appreciation for well written family films.”  
  


“Really? That’s what you’re calling it? Because I would say it’s a ‘love’ for anything childish. You, my dear Levi, are a huge softie.” He flicked my forehead and earned a soft ‘ouch’ in response.  
  


“And you’re still a huge child.”  
  


“Whatever, old man. Keep going on with that ‘appreciation for well written family films’ while I damn well enjoy my children’s movie. At least I’m not afraid to admit I like them.”  
  


“Sure thing, eight-year-old.”  


“Says the one that’s eighty.” He thumped me over the head for my comment. The thumps and flicks turned into a light hearted fight, but it died down soon enough so we could finish the movie.  


Levi went back to running his hand through my hair shortly after, sometimes stopping to brush over the feathers of my wings. It was relaxing, comforting, felt right for him to do that. I silently wished that the next day and following weeks would be like this, maybe more. I didn’t want to have so much of a gap between us. Maybe I was already getting a little spoiled by the change in distance.  
  
On a bitter winter night, though a holiday, like tonight, Levi was in my arms to keep me warm. Somewhere in my heart, I believed it would stay like this far into the future. He was Levi, he was genuine. He was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eey guess who managed to write the entire chapter in a week lol
> 
> sorry that took.. over a month. ^^; life was shitty. long story short: anniversary of a death.
> 
> but anyway. i replanned a little to see how far i'm going with this, so as a head's up, expect another solid 15-20 chapters before this ends. we still have a ways to go, my friend~ and because of that, the pace is finally going to slow down more.
> 
> this wasn't edited through by another person so please kindly point out any mistakes you see. thanks for hits, all the comments, and the kudos. <3 you guys are amazing.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

It was painful for both of us to wake up that Monday morning. Finals for classes still existed in spite of my silent wishes for them to magically disappear overnight, and we both knew the ride back would be bleak in comparison to the warm day before. Even so, we individually showered, packed our things (Levi still wore my clothes from the previous day), and left for the ride back home. The bright side was that we only had finals for the day and the next for some other people. After that, we would have a full break until the next week came.

 

Levi seemed a little tired from how early in the morning we left, but he managed to stay awake on the way. He let me play my own music in the car, occasionally commenting that one song or the other wasn’t half bad and he would make an effort to listen to again on his own time. When ‘Starlight’ by Muse came on the radio, he noted that was the last song I sang to him out in the field. My cheeks flushed at the fact that he remembered. It was the one that I wanted him to remember out of all of them, for the lyrics alone. I poured my heart into it.

 

A song by Bright Eyes I couldn’t care to remember the name of came on. It was softer than some of the previous music, and Levi took that as a chance to talk to me instead of making more little comments about my music choice.

“Your parents are nice.”

 

“Oh, uh, yeah. Glad you think so. I was kind of expecting for my mother to be a little more embarrassing than she was. Sorry if she or my father overstepped with all the questions.”

 

“She was fine. Motherly. Warm. Your father was nice too.” He let out a soft hum of satisfaction. There was a faint smile on his face when I looked over. The car only stayed speechless for another minute before he shattered the silence.

 

“Everything was so… nice. The stars and the house and the food and the movies. I’ve never had a birthday like that.”

 

“I probably could’ve thought of something bett-”

 

“No, stop it. That was more than okay, Eren.”

 

“You’re sure?” I gave him a skeptical look before focusing my eyes back on the road in front of us.

 

“I’m sure.” He reached his hand over to me for some sort of reassuring touch but pulled away. I wanted to feel it but felt a pang of disappointment instead. “When’s your birthday anyway? I need to make it up to you someday.”

 

“You don’t need to make it up to me, but it’s March 30th.”

 

“During Spring Break?”

 

“Right at the end of it. Feel free to plan whatever you want for that day, but… please don’t do anything too extravagant.”

 

“Shit, do you think either of us could afford something over the top?” Both of us laughed at his comment.

 

The rest of the ride went by with more life than when it started. Levi drummed his fingers on the dashboard to the beat of the music, and I sang along to every few songs, much to the joy of both of us. I tried not to focus too much on Levi next to me, but I wouldn’t be so truthful if I said I didn’t take notice of the way he paid attention every time I sang. I knew my voice wasn’t the best out there, but if it made him happy to hear me sing, then I would do it.

 

To my dismay, we arrived at Sina sooner than I wanted to. I tried not to show my disappointment while parking the car and getting out. We took our things from the trunk and started heading over to the doors, walking a little slower than normal to the dorm room. 

 

There was about another half hour before finals started, so I said a quick farewell to Levi and walked off to see Armin for the time being. We agreed to meet in the classroom later on and talk after that.

 

I walked into Armin’s room after knocking on the door, seeing both him and Hanji on the bed. Marco was on his own bed, talking with both of them from across the room with a wide smile. Armin was the first to notice and waved me over, scooting closer to Hanji to make room for me to sit next to him. All of them stopped their conversation to look at me, but Armin was the first one to bring up the topic he knew I had in mind.

 

“So… how did it go with Levi?” I grinned. The three others did the same in response.

 

“Holy shit. You doubted the stargazing idea, but it worked. So well. We were out there until sunrise talking about everything under the moon, you know? He was so close the entire time and  _ he can sing. _ ”

 

“He can sing?” Marco echoed.

 

“Oh god yes, he can sing. His taste in music isn’t half bad either. And he gives great advice and… his hands are cold but they warm up so easily.”

 

“You held hands?” Armin looked far too excited.

 

“Oho, more than that, my dear friend,” I held up a hand with my index finger up , “we went to my house and saw my parents and  _ cuddled.  _ Like he just… willingly pulled me into his lap. It was the most surreal, warm thing ever. He’s so, so warm.”

 

“Please tell me you at least got to first base with the guy.”

 

And silence. Of course I didn’t. I wasn’t even sure myself what the feelings were between us because he never talked with me about them, and I never brought them up. It was obvious that something was there, but my own version of ‘first base’ was the farthest either of us had ever gotten.

 

“Dammit, Eren, really? You spend all night with the guy, let him meet your parents like a true boyfriend, and you couldn’t even get a kiss out of it?” Hanji seemed genuinely disappointed, but Armin and Marco weren’t surprised.

 

“Just… give me some time. We’re getting somewhere, just not  _ there.  _ We’ll get there in time though.”

 

“You know what? I have the perfect chance for you to get somewhere then.” I didn’t like the glint in Hanji’s eyes. It reflected right off to Armin’s and Hanji’s too. They all had some mental connection, and I suddenly regretted going to see them.

 

“New Year’s Eve, I’m having another party if you want to-”

 

“Nope, no way in hell. You’re not going to make me look like a dumbass again. I know Armin still has the video from Halloween.” 

 

“Of course I do. I’m not letting that go. What do you think we were all talking about when you came in?” 

 

Evil. All of them were absolutely evil, and no one could convince me otherwise for that moment.

 

I got up from the bed and started making my way towards the door leading back out into the hallway. Marco was the first one to get up and stop me, taking my arm and tugging me backwards with a small, sympathetic smile. I still wondered on a regular basis how someone like him ended up with Jean. 

 

“Come on, it won’t be too bad. Less booze, more celebration. If it ends up horribly, you can take all the blame out on me. This one’s going to be better than the last, we promise.”

 

The flutter of those light wings, the glow of his eyes, the innocent smile. I hated the persuasive ability he had on me. But there still wasn’t a chance in me going to any celebration involving Hanji ever again.

 

“Nope. Not happening. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have another English final. Have fun planning the party without me.” I gave a light pat to Marco’s shoulder and turned away, leaving the room despite the groans of protest coming from the other two in the room.

 

There wasn’t too much time left before I needed to be in the classroom, so it wasn’t an issue for me to head there sooner rather than later. I already agreed to meet Levi in there anyway. I wouldn’t mind the extra minutes to clear my thoughts before working in silence for god knows how long.

 

My quiet trip didn’t take too long before the classroom was in sight. Another three doors and I would’ve made it perfectly fine. A sharp voice made my steps falter instead. A few more metres and all would be fine.

 

“The hell are you doing here, jackass?” Of course Jean was there. The classroom was so, so close. But not close enough to bypass him. 

 

“Um, walking to class? You know, using the hallway to get there. I’m pretty sure that’s how most people get there.” I tried to use the little amount of space to walk around him, but he still managed to back me up against a wall, looking down at me with that same, cold glare as before. It would be a lie to say my heart didn’t start beating a little faster than normal out of fear. I had to use a little more effort to make it seem as if I wasn’t afraid in the least, like this wasn’t a reminder of what I dealt with before.

 

I tried to push him back and move away. He only shoved me harder against the wall, enough to make my breath catch in my throat from the impact. I momentarily wondered for a moment what happened to the stupid remarks and comments about me. This wasn’t the same Jean that used my last name as an insult, that made the ridiculous eye rolls and snorted if we crossed paths. I don’t know what I did to make him change.

 

“Seriously, didn’t I already tell you to go fucking jump off a bridge already?” He pressed his hands against my throat without any warning, and only then did I feel a bubble of genuine panic start to come up. I needed to get away, to push him off, to find someone else, to breathe or to speak or to do  _ something  _ because those hands were getting stronger and tighter and-

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I unconsciously let out a sigh of relief at the sound of the voice that echoed down the hallway. Levi ran up to the two of us and pried Jean’s hands off of me, completely shoving him away from me, hard enough to make him stumble back. The hands around my neck suddenly loosened their grip, and I coughed out a breat h I didn’t know was held in my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes; I wasn’t sure if they were from emotion or because I started coughing so hard. Either way, I felt them spill down my cheeks.

 

“None of your damn business. Like you should give a shit about him anyway.” Jean brushed himself off and gave a sharp glare to Levi, looking like he was going to fight. A short, tense moment passed before he huffed and turned away, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking back down the hall.

 

Levi walked over to me with a more sympathetic expression, the calmness in his posture almost scaring me as much as the hands wrapped around my throat did just seconds before. I knew deep down that he wasn’t going to do anything, but my heart only managed to race faster at the thought of another person touching my neck. He reached a hand up, hesitated as if he knew what I was thinking, but soon brushed his fingers along my neck anyway, taking his time to run them slowly and softly across my skin. Feather-light, soft, warm.

 

“That’s going to leave a bruise… You’re okay, though, right?” He sounded concerned for me. There was worry in his eyes, maybe fear in his own perspective.

 

“Dammit… I don’t know why the hell he decided to do that,” my voice was hoarse, “But I… should’ve done something faster. Thanks for saving me... He didn’t do anything else, I swear.” Levi ran his fingers through my hair and continued walking in the direction of the classroom.

 

“I can’t promise I’ll always be there, but... you’re welcome.” He waited for me to catch up before the two of us walked into the room together.

 

In the end, I couldn’t really focus on my final. I tried my best regardless and went back over everything I’d written down (I normally didn’t despite every high school teacher that recommended the practice in the past). The same feeling of fear just kept on washing right over me again and again despite my best efforts to ignore it. The ghost of Jean’s fingers on my neck, giving more and more pressure and force, making it hard to breathe, making my head spin, my thoughts blur, my feeling of self worth vanish, the hatred for my wings spike.

 

Everything I dealt with over the past few years was concentrated into that one moment. The doubt, the fear, the sadness. The knowledge that people held such a deep hatred for me because I was born with a deformity I couldn’t find a way to hide. It was something I could never fully cope with.

 

Levi pointed out my lingering discomfort while we left the room together, saying I looked pale and shaky. He took my silence as a sign to not talk until we got back to the dorm. Of course, it was no surprise when we made it there and he waited for me to speak up, looking both impatient and worried. I laid back on my bed and held a pillow tight to my chest before saying anything. The security and comfort was nice.

 

“Why does he care so much about me being around?”

 

“You shouldn’t care about him. He has no right to say or do anything to you when you’ve done nothing wrong.” Levi huffed, laying down on his own bed and folding his arms over his chest. I closed my eyes.

 

“I know, I shouldn’t… care. But I do. And god, I didn’t think he would go so far. I shouldn’t be used to walking through the halls and getting choked.” That made him go quiet. For a moment, I thought he stopped paying attention, but soon enough, I felt a weight sink into the side of my bed.

 

When I opened my eyes, Levi laid down next to me, his face only a couple centimetres from mine. I saw everything in those blue eyes for a second. From the fear to the sadness to… understanding. He carefully took my hand and intertwined it with his own, pressing them both against my heart with a soft sigh.

 

“No, you shouldn’t. You should be happy. I don’t get why you have to deal with pieces of shit like him because you’re seen as ‘imperfect’ or something like that. You’re one of a kind, and that should be celebrated instead of looked down upon.” He squeezed my hand a little tighter into his own. His eyes were no longer locked onto mine but instead trained to our hands, right over my heart.

 

“But… you’re alive.”

 

“ Life is absolute bullshit, but I’m getting through it anyway.” The corner of his lips quirked up at the use of his own words.

 

“Exactly.”

 

We stayed together like that for a while longer. The steady beat of my heart under our interlocked hands, the warmth of being so close to him, and the sound of soft breathing. We managed to shift even closer to each other as the minutes passed by, knees touching and hands held tighter. Nothing else even had to be said. Life was shit, but Levi was there. The positive and the negative made everything neutral, yet I had hope that Levi was enough to make it overpower with light.

 

I would be happy to lay there for hours and would’ve willingly done so if the knock of a door didn’t interrupt the intimacy at the time. Levi was the first to move, separating our hands and getting off the bed. I almost protested and the sudden loss of contact but kept quiet, watching him open the door to reveal Hanji standing there. I saw the cheeky grin on their face and instantly wanted them out.

 

“So. Levy-Li.” They leaned against the doorframe and struck some odd pose while looking at Levi. He almost seemed tempted to shut the door in their face but didn’t. The one time I wanted him to, he  _ didn’t _ .

 

“What is it?”

 

“I’m holding another party on New Year’s Eve. Different place, different theme, if you’re interested.” I chimed in before Levi could answer.

“I already told you n-”

 

“Yes. We’re coming.”

 

“We’re fucking  _ what? _ ” Levi smirked at me, and I instantly knew it was revenge for me dragging him along to the last party of Hanji’s. I felt like smacking the smug look right off of his face in that second.

 

“Woo! I’ll see you two then!” Hanji turned on their heel and left the dorm, closing the door before I could object. Levi laughed. Full blown, clutching his stomach, laughed. I didn’t know whether to be in love with the sound and its rarity or suffocate him with a pillow given the circumstances. I couldn’t oppose going if he was going to be there with me. And I think that’s what pissed me off even more about it.

 

He returned to my bed and recieved a light shove. He ignored it and laid back down next to me, moving as close as he was before Hanji interrupted us. There was still a small smirk on his face when he made eye contact with me, though it faded to something littler and more gentle after a second.

 

“It won’t be that bad. And you need time to get your mind off of shit-for-wings.”

 

“I guess so. Just don’t let me do anything stupid.” I sighed. He took my hand back into his own, laced our fingers together, and gave my hand a light squeeze. His eyes were still trained to the bed, unwavering, and I took note of the subtle pink of his cheeks.

 

“I… won’t. You’re alive too, as much as I am, so… we’ll have the night to be happy and living.” He finally looked up to see me, connect. He was sure all would go well. I promised myself not to doubt him and his judgement.

 

“I’ll go with you.”

 

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so anyway !! sorry this is late. partly because of election anxiety and well.. guess who has a girlfriend now?? ^^; so i've been spending most of my free time with her instead of writing lmao. woops.
> 
> but anyway, please tell me if something is off. i want the next chapter to be longer, but it felt good to even get 3k out for this. and i need to be there for a friend right now so i didn't triple check this. <3
> 
> love you all. c:


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Until that night, I hadn’t really realised how comfortable it was to sleep next to Levi. It wasn’t my intention to fall asleep so close to him, but after a night of laying together and talking, apparently sometime down the road sleep washed over me before I could stop it from moving forward. 

 

When I woke up, the presence of an arm around my waist and the faint smell of a cologne I didn’t wear myself were the first signs that the situation wasn’t the usual. The second I opened my eyes, I noticed Levi curled up against me with his head nestled into my chest as if it always belonged there. My first instinct was to move away from him out of shock, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He was so warm pressed up against me, and he looked so peaceful sleeping close like he was. With little hesitation, I pushed his messy hair off of his forehead and got a better look. His lips were parted and his cheeks were flushed a shade of pink I never would have noticed if he wasn’t right next to me. He looked completely at ease.

 

It was no issue for me to let him rest there for the time being, knowing we didn’t have any classes for the day and I had nowhere better to be. I kept my one hand in with his hair while waiting for him and looked around at nothing in particular. About another half hour passed before he moved from his place and opened his eyes. 

 

He definitely didn’t process the entire situation at first. If the sudden redness of his face didn’t give away his thoughts, the mumbled, almost incoherent ‘what the fuck’ definitely gave away what he thought.

 

Levi sat up and rubbed his eyes, pushing back his hair more than I did a few minutes ago. His confused expression faded after a minute, and I assumed he remembered everything from the night before. I watched his posture relax again while he leaned back on his elbows and looked at me.

 

“I… sorry, I guess.”

 

“Why are you apologising? I wouldn’t mind if it happened again.” Not my intention to word it like that, but he seemed relieved to hear the reassurance. He gave a soft nod, probably intended for both of us. A moment of silence passed by before he slid off the bed, stretching and walking to the other side of the room.

 

“What time is it anyway? I swear it feels like I slept for the past two years.”

 

“Uh…” I took a moment to check my phone, “it’s already half past eleven.” Levi stood there, quiet, for another minute before looking at me.

 

“Let’s go eat lunch somewhere. No class, after all.”

 

“Really? Where do you want to go?” 

 

“I don’t know; we’ll figure it out. That’s what you did the last time.” He wasn’t wrong. I enjoyed the unexpected, even if it wasn’t intentional.

 

I got off of my bed and stretched, slowly making my way to the door while announcing my leave to get a shower. As much as I almost didn’t want to leave the room alone, I took a deep breath and went on my way regardless.

 

My shower was short, luckily, with nothing stopping me from going there and coming back with fresh clothes and damp wings. Hair was always easy to dry, but wings were a pain, especially if you couldn’t reach and dry every part. People who flew were able to get every bit of water off, but if you were someone like me, you spent a good fifteen minutes struggling with a towel before giving up and going along with your day, letting them air dry.

 

Levi was in clean clothing of his own by the time I returned. He was doing something on his phone but stuffed it into his back pocket when he noticed I was there. He stood up the bed and mumbled something I couldn’t understand, but he spoke up with a faint smile while walking to the door.

 

“Come on, let’s go. I have to make plans.” I followed alongside him without a word but with a smile of my own. 

 

We’d passed by Jean on the way there, and for a second, I felt fear. I didn’t want to be afraid of a jerk with uglier wings than mine and a face resembling a mule. It was stupid to have my heart skip a beat at the sight of someone who shouldn’t have any influence on my life. He shouldn’t be allowed to take away any of my will to live.

 

I was only able to breathe when he finally went behind us. He and Levi locked eyes for a moment, but that was all the interaction. Time slowed down and grew incredibly intense for those few seconds, and if I didn’t know any better, I’m sure I would’ve thought the scene went on for several minutes. Several, long minutes of suspense and fear and hoping that the purple marks on my neck wouldn’t grow any darker than they already were. 

 

Levi was the one to pull me from my thoughts some metres down the hallway with a light tap to my arm.

 

“Are we taking your car?”

 

“Oh, uh, sure. My car is fine. You can drive, if you want, since you’re the one choosing where we’re going to eat.”

 

“Cool, I’m choosing the music too. You can play yours on the way back.” I agreed on the way out of the front doors of the building.

 

We found my car easily enough and climbed into the driver and passenger seats respectively. I handed my keys over to Levi and adjusted my seat, watching him move his own to make driving easily. He started up the engine and put his music on before driving off campus, going in one direction down a road.

 

For a while, we drove aimlessly around the city, looking at one place over another, commenting on the songs ringing on in the car. I found out I had a liking to Porter Robinson thanks to Levi. It still wouldn’t beat Reverie Sound Revue and Bright Eyes and The Smiths because those won by a long shot, but I wouldn’t mind listening to him on any other car drive with the two of us.

 

Another twenty minutes passed by before Levi finally chose a place for us to eat. It was a little pizzeria on a corner, red and orange lighting illuminating the windows from the inside, out. He parked a ways down the street and waited for me to get out too before we made it down the sidewalk together.

 

“You know, the last time we were around the area to eat, it was barely even autumn. Like, there were still actual  _ leaves  _ on the trees. Now they all look dead and ugly.” Levi snorted at my comment.

 

“What a great way to describe it.”

 

“How else was I supposed to describe it? They do look dead. Winter makes everything all cold and dead-looking.”

 

“Well shit, I guess that explains why I was born in the winter. My looks didn’t come out of nowhere.” Levi gave a playful shrug of his shoulders and walked into the pizza shop, leaving me to laugh behind him.

 

I entered the store shortly after him and looked around once more. Dark red booths, orange lighting, deep brown tables, and shades of tans and browns on the walls. Pictures of various things hung on every wall, almost making it hard to notice the paint behind them. The lighting wasn’t exactly the brightest, making the entire restaurant darker than it was outside. Even if the place was darker, I enjoyed the warmth from it.

 

Levi asked for my order and went off to get our pizza shortly after, and I found a place to sit- a smaller booth in the back corner of the shop. I took a napkin and wiped the place down at least a little bit before sitting down myself, waiting for Levi to come back. The chatter of other people wasn’t too loud, and I found myself enjoying the atmosphere.

 

A few minutes later, he returned. He set down our plates and slid into the booth across from me, letting out a soft hum.

 

I took a bite out of my pizza and leaned back against the seat, taking one more look around the place. Levi mirrored what I did but was the first one to start conversation, resting one arm against the back of the booth and relaxing into his seat.

 

“Are you really sure you want to go on Saturday? I won’t force you if you don’t want to.”

 

“No, no!” I realised how loud I was and lowered my voice. “I want to go. I can’t let one bad experience ruin it for me, right? I’ll go with you, I promise. Stay by my side though.”

 

“Sure thing. But try not to drink too much. I’ll stay by your side, but I’m not babysitting you. We’re going there to have fun and make decent memories. Decent memories that won’t be blurred by alcohol and poor choices.”

 

“No sober dancing on tables either?” He cracked a small smile.

 

“No. Don’t bust your ass doing something stupid. It won’t be fun if we have to take you home before midnight even hits.”

 

“Fine, deal. I won’t drink or dance on tables.” I smiled back.

 

We went on to joke about the party and our expectations, the wild things Hanji might do and the possibilities for others’ actions through the night. Anything could happen, but most of our suggestions weren’t realistic and far from likely. I doubted that a meteor would crash down when midnight hit, though there was still the tiniest chance it could happen.

 

Silence hit after another few minutes. I took my time eating and so did he. Conversation only started back up when I spoke again.

 

“So how did you meet Hanji, anyway? You never really told me.”

 

“Damn, right.” He set down his food and sighed, “We met back in Japan, actually. We lived close to each other when we were little, but they moved after junior high to ‘find a better life’. I was never able to get in contact with them again, so it was sort of a surprise to see that we ended up in the same place somehow. It’s such a big world out there, yet they still flew right back into my life.”

 

“Do you dislike them?” He didn’t miss a beat responding.

 

“No, that’s not it. If anything, they’ve helped me. I wouldn’t be where I am now without Hanji. They can be loud and annoying and messy and over-involved and god awful… but they were one of my only friends then, when I needed them most. I would feel like a jackass for abandoning them now.” He had this warmth in his eyes when he finished speaking. I had to agree that Hanji was something else and couldn’t object to most of the words Levi used to describe them. I couldn’t ignore the fondness in his voice, however, and the small, thankful smile that graced his lips. Hanji was truly something else.

 

We didn’t stay for much longer. The pizza was finished, trash was thrown away, and we both made our way out of the building. It was still early in the afternoon, but we still decided to head back to the dorm and lay back for a while. 

 

The trip to Sina didn’t take too long either. Nothing stopped us from getting to our dorm room and slipping off shoes and jackets. There was quiet between us, and it wasn’t a bad thing. Life decided it could let us have our down time, our hours without worry.

 

My bed was the place for the two of us, for the rest of the night. Levi had his own book to read, and I had my own drawing to work on, but our space was shared. I didn’t mind that we didn’t talk for the next few hours, doing our own individual things together.

 

Of course, I was the first one to break the silence. I’d stared and read over Levi’s shoulder for a good minute or two before a thought came to mind.

 

“Hey, I’ve never actually read your writing before.”

 

“Oh… You’re right.” He slowly got up from my bed, set down his book after marking the page he was on, and crossed over to the other side of the room. I watched as he sifted through a dozen notebooks, flipping through a few pages in each to check them out before setting it down. A few minutes passed by before he finally settled with one of them, walking back over to my bed and sitting down next to me. He opened the notebook and flipped through a few pages then handed it over to me.

 

“I never finished this one, but I was always happy with where it was going. It’s only a short story.” He commented. I held the notebook in my hands and brought it closer to myself. I always admired how neat Levi’s handwriting was when looking over his notes for class, but it looked like he was more careful writing out every word in his story, as if he didn’t want to ruin the quality by rushing it.

 

I’m not sure how long it was in the end when I finished reading the page he flipped to and the following two. It felt like I was stuck in the story, stuck in that snapshot, that world with the lurking beast and the hunter keeping it at bay, the shadows and the darkness and everything surrounding them. I had to take a second to catch a breath of reality after finishing. No wonder he wanted to publish someday. 

 

“How was it?” He snapped me out of the afterglow of reading.

 

“That was… brilliant. The- the way you described the beast and the man in the shadows and- and holy shit, Levi.”

 

“But did you understand-”

 

“The reflections? And the smoke? The way they stared at each other, circling like that? The way you described their expressions and the sounds? God, of course I do. I understood every part. The symbolism was spot on. I haven’t read something this great in forever. You have to publish someday. Please.” 

 

“You really think so?”

 

“Isn’t that your dream? To finish your degree and publish your writing? Because- jeez, I would love to see you pursue that. Your writing is stunning, Levi.” I grabbed his attention enough for him to meet my eyes.

 

“I’m going to publish for sure. You’ll be the first to have a copy.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, really. As long as you promise to draw the cover for me.” A soft redness creeped up on his cheeks.

 

“I will. I’ll make sure it’s the best thing I’ve drawn in my life if it’s going to get the honour of being on your book.”

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“No need to thank me.” The rest of the night was silent and comfortable, until we fell asleep. 

 

The next few days after that went by smooth. Levi and I got into the habit of sleeping in the same bed, both of us agreeing that it was warmer. Of course, I used the ‘warmth’ excuse as means to get closer to him, but somewhere in my mind, I knew it was the same reasoning for him. Warmth was a good excuse, but not a good enough excuse to hide the truth behind. I loved feeling his heartbeat against my own and listening to his breathing go soft and slow. The way he would cling onto me at some point through the night was adorable, and he had a habit of resting his head up against my chest every night, no matter what our initial position was. It felt right to watch him be so at ease next to me, embracing me, and it felt natural, despite never sleeping together beforehand.

 

We still woke up later in the morning, sometimes the afternoon, and tried to spend lunch somewhere other than the campus’s lunch hall. An old school diner, a cheap Chinese buffet, and a not-so-cheap Italian place were the end results for places to eat. Every night was still spent talking until we were too tired to speak any longer. Conversations on past events, talks on insecurities, discussions about the stupidest preferences of mechanical pencils. I wouldn’t replace his company in those few days for the world and my wildest dreams.

 

On the morning of the 31st, we were both woken up Hanji knocking on the door. I was too tired to fully take their words into consideration, but they were blabbering on and on about getting Levi something nice to wear for the party, that they were stealing him and Armin for the afternoon. I would’ve objected to taking one of the two if it weren’t for their speedy disappearance at who knows what time in the morning.

 

I was left to my own devices for the time being. Levi and I already decided on leaving later in the evening, so I had until he came back to do whatever. 

 

The next- as it turned out to be- three hours were spent cleaning and reorganising my things, finishing a quick drawing, and laying down to listen to music. I had no will to even leave the dorm room, both in fear of finding Jean somewhere down the road and because I didn’t have Armin to talk to. I would’ve gone to see Mikasa if she hadn’t made plans with Annie for the break. Marco was a no for the likelihood of him being around his douche of a boyfriend. So, I had the room to myself, indie rock blasting, productivity for once a factor in my life.

 

When Levi returned, he still wore the clothes he left in, though he held a shopping bag in one hand. I didn’t bother asking what was in there, knowing he would be dressed in it later, but I wouldn’t deny the fact that I was still curious nonetheless. 

 

He sat down on his bed and looked around, pointing out how much cleaner it looked. He didn’t say much else from there. I wasn’t sure whether it was annoyance or anxiousness radiating off of him. I decided it was best to leave him alone for the time being.

 

A couple more hours went by in relative silence, and Levi left the room around eight to go change into different clothing. I took the opportunity to change into something a little better for the occasion. Earlier in the week, Hanji mentioned to wear something more semi-formal, so I chose what I thought would go best and pulled it on.

 

Levi returned a little while later, and I knew there wasn’t a way to hide the redness of my face. A dress shirt that fit him in all the right places, slacks that were a little tight, and a jacket that highlighted his best features. As much as I always said to myself that he wasn’t my type, it was times like this that I questioned my own prior judgement.

 

He opened his mouth to speak, gave me a full, obvious up and down, then spoke up. “We should probably head out now if you want to make it there on time. I’ll drive there, your car, my music. You can drive back and play yours.” 

 

I watched him pull his jacket down a bit before turning and walking out of the dorm room. That was my cue to get everything and leave after him. I made sure I had my phone and keys on me before walking out of the room and catching up to him some distance down the hallway.

 

We’d both grown accustomed to the setup of my car and rules of each other driving. Levi was normally the one to call who did what for every trip, but I never minded that. He had a little authority over me; I never viewed it as a bad thing as long as the mutual trust and respect between us never faded. He knew my boundaries and limits to being told what to do.

 

Our trip to the venue took about a half hour with all the traffic instead of the nearly ten minute drive that it was the last time. Another five minutes passed by before we could find a parking spot, but eventually we found a place to settle down and left the car together. Levi walked alongside me until we got to the door, and he was the one to open it and lead us both inside.

 

I can’t say the inside was what I expected. The Halloween party looked was a wreck, empty cups on the floor, sweat and sex the only smells noticeable, lighting dim, and a very  _ interesting  _ choice in music. The vibe was completely different this time. Dimmed silver lights lit up the room, light blue decorations covered the walls and tables, perfume and lighter liquor filled the air, though I couldn’t fully hear the music yet with the lively chattering of other people. There was still dancing and drinking, but it was calmer and nicer than the last time. I felt more comfortable being there with no shady looking people or mysterious purple drinks.

 

Levi lightly tapped on my arm and started walking through the crowd, and I trailed behind him. I wasn’t able to recognise most of the people in the crowd, but I wasn’t blind to the few people that I knew. Marco stood in the corner, talking to some guy. Annie and Mikasa were dancing next to each other closer to the centre of the room. When I looked ahead of Levi, in the direction we were headed, Armin and Hanji seemed to be enjoying themselves.

 

Hanji was the first to notice us out of the pair, and if it wasn’t for the music and conversations from other people, I’m sure I would’ve gone deaf from their scream.

 

“See?! I told you you’d look good in that, Levi-Ly! And Eren, you look stunning too. I’m so glad you made it.” They gave us both hugs but soon pulled away to show off Armin, though I admit to blocking them out after the first few words to look around more. I was impressed with how they managed to set the place up so well. It didn’t seem like the decoration was all too cheap, and that lead me to wonder how they were able to pay for parties so huge. 

 

It wasn’t long before we went off on our own, Levi deciding to drink a little bit. I kept my promise to stay sober for the night, but I was still counting on him to not be wasted by the time we were set to leave. Instead of mystery drinks, beer, and other hard liquor in the kitchen and on tables, there were lighter drinks. Champagne, chardonnay, some other wines and even non-alcoholic drinks. Hanji set up an entirely different ambience.

 

Time started to go by quicker as the night went on. The music was turned up later in the evening, more people crowded together to dance and celebrate, and eventually the sound of the television across the room was completely drowned out. The choice in music was far better than the last time, and both Levi and I found ourselves enjoying every minute dancing next to each other.

 

He loosened up a little later into the party, growing closer, making more contact with every song. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that it was uncomfortable, anything others would shove us into a separate room for. It was physical, it was close, intimate if I could go as far as to say that. Even if it wasn’t anything too dirty, I also wouldn’t deny that the heat and tension was real and if it weren’t for the fact that I was abstemious and alcohol-free for the event, I’m sure I would’ve acted on it. 

 

Before long, the late elevens came by, and more people gradually turned towards the television hanging high on the way, showing the minutes before midnight. Levi stayed right beside me, and it was in those ticking minutes that I felt my heart beat faster and harder at the sight of him.

 

The silver light on his face, the dishevelled appearance of his hair from the night, the lingering smell of the cologne he put on earlier beneath the smell of sweat and fading traces of chardonnay… He was stunning for that moment in time, when the countdown on the flatscreen across the room went from numbers to shouts of celebration. It was for that few seconds that I didn’t have any cares in the world, brought one hand to the side of his face, and kissed him like there wasn’t a tomorrow.

 

And if the celebration around us wasn’t enough, the feeling of him kissing back made the entire night worth it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo ! got this done earlier than planned. and it's a bit shorter than what i wanted but i'm still proud. c: but three things in this a/n.
> 
> one, holy fuck am i happy with the progress, you guys. Wattpad is a completely different (and a little bit better) of a story, but this has officially surpassed Spark in every aspect, save for comment threads. <3 it's incredible that this story has made it this far already.
> 
> two, happy (slightly early) Thanksgiving to my American followers ! i already celebrated last month because i'm Canadian, despite living in the US, but have fun Thursday. c:
> 
> three, it would be great if you could check out the work of my friend who just started on here. ^^ link is below. but thank you so, so much for hits/ kudos/ comments.
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8589640 - friend's work.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> completely unedited, but i wanted to get this out. d: but please, please kindly tell me if i missed anything. i'll edit in the morning since it's already past midnight.

 

Intoxicating. If there was any word in the world to describe that kiss, I would have to stick with ‘intoxicating’. Warm, rushed, but not too frantic. Hands gripping hair, arms held tight around necks, lips meshed together like the dozens of other people couldn’t see us in our moment. It was nothing but  _ intoxicating _ .

 

Heated, desperate, everything I imagined it would be. The faint flavour of lingering alcohol from earlier and his own natural taste. He was a great kisser; I wouldn’t deny that. I needed to pull away from some air after a few minutes, but if I could, I would’ve stayed pressed against him for an eternity. If the room wasn’t hot enough already, the warmth of his body and breath only amplified that feeling.

 

His face was flushed, his lips were shiny, his eyes were glossed over, and his hair was even more of a mess than it was to begin with. He looked perfect in the lighting, sounded perfect, despite his breathing being muffled under the voices of other people. I wanted to hold him closer, to feel more, to breathe him in, and have him for only myself. I wanted those breaths only to be heard by me and not let anyone else see the way his cheeks burned and his expression completely melted in front of me.

 

Maybe I was being greedy. Maybe I was feeling too much all at once and the privilege of having him so close got to my head. He was free, flying at his own pace, playing the music he wanted to listen to, dressing without anyone in mind. But I wanted him to be mine, to keep him to myself, to own every emotion he had to give to me, to keep every laugh and smile and not let anyone else have what I had. It almost hurt to know how much I wanted him, and to feel him so physically close to me nearly drove me insane with desire.

 

The only thing to pull me away from those intense thoughts was the sharp breath he took in while pulling away from me out of nowhere. His eyes seemed a little dazed and blurry, and his eyebrows were knit together in confusion, maybe pain, if I wanted to be honest with what I saw. I watched him bite down on his lower lip, move his hands completely away from me as slow as he could, and walk away into the crowd.

 

For a moment, I didn’t know what happened and I couldn’t process it. Did he really walk away without a word? One moment, his hands were gripping onto me like I was the only thing keeping him grounded. Then, the next, he was lost in the sea of other people. All I had left in front of me was cold air and a sudden, intense feeling of animosity towards him.

 

I lingered around in the party for another hour after midnight to clear my head. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I would’ve stayed calm if I immediately went after Levi. There was a good possibility I wouldn’t be happy in the car either, but it would at least be toned down anger, luckily for him. I occupied myself with everything in the room except for him and alcohol, knowing neither would do me any good. Acting on my emotions almost never ended up well for me, I learned.

 

It was after that hour that I finally walked around and found Levi again, sitting down on the floor next to a couple empty cups of who knows what. With a little more force than needed, I pulled him up to his feet and dragged him out of the front door. He stumbled a bit at first but didn’t seem to be too wasted to walk, going along with my grip on his arm. I didn’t let go until it was time for us to go to separate sides of the car. We were silent the entire time.

 

I started up the car and pulled away from the parking spot. I silenced the music that was playing earlier before it could even start again. Levi finally looked over to me, but I didn’t dare make eye contact. I took in another deep breath before speaking up, making no effort to hide the agitation in my voice.

 

“So what? Are we going to pretend that didn’t happen? Are we going to  _ completely ignore  _ the fact that you didn’t stop me? Or do you want to pull the ‘I was drunk’ card even though you were sober enough to know what you were doing beforehand? Oh! Or even better- do you want to act like we’re just friends because I know that was your backup plan. I’m not a fucking idiot when it comes to these things. What the hell was that?”

 

Levi stayed silent. I wasn’t sure whether to be more angry over the fact that he didn’t answer or more pissed that I knew he was going to make up excuses for everything. There wasn’t an excuse for any of it. If he was that desperate to get away, he could’ve said something in the first place. My hands gripped on tighter to the steering wheel, and I had to take a few deep breaths to keep us from driving off the road in a blur of anger. Not today, not today.

 

To no surprise, we didn’t say a word to each other on the way to our dorm room. The tension between us was clear to anyone that did so much as glance in our direction. It wasn’t too long before we made it to our room, closed the door, and didn’t speak.

 

And that night, we slept in our own beds.

 

I didn’t feel warm the next morning, as I normally did sleeping with another person huddled up in my bed. My body missed something to hold onto for the night, and if I wasn’t so frustrated with Levi from the night before, I might’ve caved into climbing in his bed or pulling him along to mine.

 

The anger from the night before faded by morning, but it replaced itself with bitterness- the type of bitterness that leaves a sour taste in your mouth and the deep, aching feeling of sadness in your chest. Levi wasn’t in his own bed, and that only intensified the resentment for me. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he was gone or more so the fact that he wasn’t lying with me instead. There were too many conflicting emotions for me to differentiate one from the other.

I made the assumption that he went to talk with Hanji and vent to someone, knowing that was what he did any of the previous times we weren’t doing well. And, if that was the case, we would work things out with a shove of motivation and some time to talk alone, possibly a bit of advice to go along with it. Maybe he needed to clear his head too because of something that he thought about. Maybe it wasn’t about me but something else was on his mind.

 

It took a few minutes for me to gather the will to leave my bed and leave the room altogether. I didn’t care what I was dressed in on my way to Armin’s dorm or my appearance overall; I knew I didn’t look so great, even if there wasn’t a mirror in front of me. No one needed to tell me I looked as great as I felt.

 

The trip down some hallways was peaceful and silent. The only thing to disturb the peace was my knock on the door before opening it. When I walked into the dorm room, Hanji and Armin were laying on his bed together but Marco was gone. Armin had himself laying on top of Hanji’s left wing, but they didn’t seem to mind the weight on top of it. Both of them seemed comfortable, happy. For the shortest second, I felt happy for them before Hanji interrupted my thoughts and reminded me why I was in the room in the first place.

 

“So… you two kissed?” Levi wasn’t there, but I guessed that he told them. Or Hanji found out some other way. They were good at reading people, but not good enough to read my mind that accurately.

 

“Yeah. We did. It just… didn’t work out, I guess?”

 

“Seriously? It didn’t go well?” Hanji seemed disappointed.

 

“Do you know why?” Armin asked me. I walked over and sat down on the foot of the bed, making sure not to sit on top of either of them. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my cheek on top of them, looking over to both of them.

 

“No, I don’t. One second, he was fine and enjoying it, and then… I don’t know. He left. Got wasted and hasn’t talked to me since. I’m surprised he isn’t with you, Hanji. He wasn’t in his room when I woke up.”

 

“I haven’t seen him either. I heard about the kiss from some other people. Maybe he went out to get some fresh air? I’m sure it’s a lot to process for him.” Hanji casually ran a hand through Armin’s hair, watching me with a- what seemed to be- conflicted expression. The people talking about our kiss was the least of my concerns.

 

“You should try talking to him later today, when he’s back at the dorm.” Armin added.

 

“And if he doesn’t want to talk?”

 

“Then work it out. You can’t ignore each other forever. It’s not healthy to sit and let all of your negative emotions fester like that.” He rubbed the side of his face, actually seeming a little impatient for once. I was going to add on before Hanji interrupted.

 

“Jesus, you two need to learn how to talk. I know I said I wanted to help you with Armin, but it’s hard when you barely hold a conversation between each other when things get rough. If you want this to work out,  _ communicate.”  _ They sighed. The room went silent for a little bit after that. 

 

I knew I was being difficult. Most of the reason was out of my own lack of experience, but some of the difficulty was fear. I didn’t need to worry about Levi leaving me or harming me in any way, but I still worried about it regardless. That was something I couldn’t control. No one before him made such an effort to keep in touch and care about me, to take me out for lunch and curl up on my bed, give me casual compliments and act like I was the entire world. I always had Armin and Mikasa, my parents too, for support and love, but Levi gave me a different kind of love for me to crave. It was that difference that made me want to pursue it more and run far, far away at the same exact time.

 

“I… I know. I’m going to. If you couldn’t tell already, this was my forte. I might damn well be studying English and how to speak and write and communicate and all of that, but I still suck at using those skills when I need it. Thanks for putting up with my shit.”

 

“You’ve come to me with worse, Eren. Telling you to go talk with your awkward almost-boyfriend is nothing.” Armin gave me a smile.

 

“Still, thanks.” I got back up from the edge of the bed and stretched, walking towards the doorway. I was about to open the door but turned my head back to look at both of them. “Keep me updated on your friendship-relationship too. You’re looking awfully close there.”

 

I didn’t bother looking for Armin’s reaction on my way out. I walked back to my own room while thinking of how well they were doing instead of how not-so-well Levi and I were doing. It made the trip a little happier.

 

Levi and I still didn’t find the will to talk to each other until that weekend, it turned out. Even when classes started back up, we traded notes in silence. Hanji and Armin kept urging us to talk through the days, and it took until that Saturday night for everything to clear up.

 

He finished up his assignment that he was working on, and I’d just finished up another drawing in my sketchbook. Neither of us were listening to music and kept the room suspended in silence. As I did the previous days, I hesitated on talking. I was almost convinced that nothing would change by talking or that the outcome would make me feel worse than the initial incident. To think that a simple kiss at a party tore us apart so fast.

 

Eventually, I was able to blurt out the first thing that came to mind, staring at him and refusing to avert my gaze.

 

“Were you just using me?” Levi looked genuinely hurt by my question. I would’ve regretted asking that of all things if it wasn’t the predominate thought on my mind for the time being.

 

“No. God, no. I… Eren, I would never use you.”

 

“Then why did you just run away like that? You were enjoying it, but then you ran away and drank like nothing happened. Didn’t even talk to me in the car on the way back here.”

 

“I didn’t run away because I didn’t enjoy it, and I wasn’t ignoring that it happened either.” Levi took a deep breath. He walked over to my bed and sat down on the edge of it. He kept a little bit of distance between us; I appreciated that.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because… you don’t know enough about me. So maybe it’s not a good idea to get any closer.”

 

“I already know a lot about you, though. I know where you were raised and I know about your family and friends and your passions and about  _ you.  _ That’s still not enough for you?” He stayed quiet. The distance between us closed until we were shoulder to shoulder. His wings seemed to droop; the right one had more trouble shifting downwards, I noticed. 

 

“I’ll tell you one day. Not right now, not yet.”

 

“Do you promise you’ll tell me?”

 

“I promise. But give me time before then, okay?” He leaned into me. I held my arm around his waist and pulled him closer. He seemed bothered by whatever held him up, but the least I could do was comfort him until he was ready. I had no right to make him say everything about himself. It wasn’t right for me to dive right into everything and expect nothing got in the way of our progress. I never considered the boundaries either of us had.

 

“Okay.” 

  
And on that night, we slept in the same bed again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> list of reasons i should apologise:  
> \- yes this was an unplanned filler and went off of my plan  
> \- um holy fuck it's been over a month since the last chapter  
> \- this was so short rip in pieces  
> \- i didn't edit it, and my main concern is incorrect names so pllleeassee tell me if i fucked up; i usually get someone to read it over, but it's hard when it's the middle of the night and all your friends are sleeping like proper people.
> 
> but i've also noticed that this has surpassed Spark in everything other than comment threads, and i couldn't be more thankful for that. i'm really happy this is doing well.
> 
> on a plus note, i'm part of the way through chapter seventeen too, and i'm about 3k words into a victuri one shot, for any of you Yuri!!! On Ice fans. c: 
> 
> anyway, merry Christmas/ happy holidays/ joyful day if you're not celebrating anything. love you all, see you next chapter !


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeyyy guess who's not dead lol. long author's note at the end- beware. also, tell me if i have errors, and i'll fix it in the morning.

We finally learned to communicate with each other after that week. If Armin and Hanji’s frustration over our lack of talking wasn’t a push for me personally, then knowing how many mistakes we’d made because of it was enough for sure. I was tired of how terrible I felt anytime we weren’t talking, so after a rather long conversation the following night, we agreed it was best to speak our minds if there was an issue one of us had. It sounded so simple and easy, though proper communication was still something we never managed to do over the previous months. An issue like that needed to be addressed and fixed.

 

Boundaries were set in place with ease too. Sleeping in the same bed together was fine, along with cuddling behind closed doors. We decided not to kiss like that again after the party, but that was okay. Anything more intimate than kissing was off the board completely, but we were both fine with light PDA, like hand holding and hugs. He wasn’t against Armin and Hanji knowing about the details of our relationship, but neither of us wanted any others to know aside from them yet. We weren’t even sure what to call ourselves yet. It was obvious that we crossed the line of casual friendship a while ago, but we weren’t willing to call what we had a romantic relationship. For now, ‘complicated’ was the best word for it, and that was alright.

 

It was by the beginning of the second week of January that the bruises on my neck from Jean finally healed up. From the day of the incident to then, I made sure to cover up the best I could to avoid being questioned. As it stood, Levi and Jean himself were the only ones to know what happened that day. I didn’t want to worry Armin or piss off Mikasa or make anyone else concerned for my wellbeing, so it was easiest to wear a scarf or a shirt with a higher collar on it to make sure they couldn’t be seen.

 

I luckily hadn’t run into him much since the incident, at least. He seemed to be spending more time in his own dorm or off campus, which I was thankful for. I didn’t want to imagine what would happen the next time I saw him. He always made my blood run cold when we passed by each other, but the thought of being alone around him made me fear for my life. 

 

January was rather uneventful. Most of my time, along with Levi’s, was spent in our dorm room studying, huddled up in a blanket together to keep the coldness of winter outside where it belonged. Levi’s bed was almost never used, at this point. He said he preferred where mine was in the dorm, so his bed served as more of a desk for our textbooks and notebooks than an actual thing to sleep on. On the off time that Hanji or Armin came in our room, they had to shove things aside before sitting on there.

 

Like we agreed, most of the relationship was away from the people around campus. I didn’t want to be bullied for keeping someone around, and Levi wanted more privacy. I still liked to hold his hand during walks to a coffee shop or somewhere completely out of school. Even if it gave us both a little unwanted attention from the public eye, there was a chance I would never see those people again. The murmurs of strangers didn’t matter as much with him by my side.

 

I kept up the typical talking with Hanji and Armin every once in awhile, with or without Levi. I hadn’t seen Mikasa much until a Monday later in the month with her, Annie, and Armin. We all met up for breakfast as usual, Levi refusing to come along to get more sleep (that wasn’t a surprise to me anymore).

 

“Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day, Eren? It’s a little over two weeks from now.” Mikasa took a bite out of some random pastry, leaning her chin in one hand and waiting for me to answer.

 

“No, I don’t. I thought about doing something with Levi, but I don’t have anything solid planned out. There’s still class that day too. Need to work around that somehow.” I idly picked at my own food. There were days that I wouldn’t want to eat when we all sat together for breakfast, but I showed up anyway. The time we had together was what made it worth it, in the end. Days weren’t what they were like growing up with them, but that was okay, as long as I got to make new memories with them in replacement.

 

“If you do decide on anything to do, make sure you don’t freeze this time. I know you loved stargazing with him, but you seriously should’ve thought that one out more. You could’ve gotten sick from being out in the cold all night.” There was the scolding from Mikasa I didn’t get before; I expected as much from her. Armin didn’t defend me either, only giving me a smirk from across the table. No surprise either.

 

“I know, I know. I’ll be doing something more simple. I can’t afford that lack of sleep again, anyway. Not when there’s class the next day.”

 

“As long as it’s not swimming in the middle of winter, I’ll help you out.” Armin added, muffling his laughter with a bite of food. 

 

“No, it won’t be swimming. I want something simple, that can actually be done in a day. And that I won’t regret the next morning.”

 

“Why not dinner and a movie, then? It’s simple, could be cheap if you choose the right places. That’s something perfect for Valentine’s Day, Eren.” There was the contribution I wanted. As much as I appreciated Armin’s joking, I always liked having some form of real input from him on any ideas. He was always there to help me think things through when I needed him to be.

 

I considered the idea for a minute. I could find out what movies were out and see what nice places there were for food that wouldn’t cost me my life savings and first born child. A meal and a movie wasn’t half bad. All I had to do was ask Levi about it and find out exactly what he would want.

 

“Yeah, that could work. Thanks, Armin.”

 

After the possible details were talked out, I got to hear what the others were doing. Mikasa and Annie were going for a romantic walk in some fancy park and would be spending another night together, and Armin had ‘secret’ plans to surprise Hanji with for that day. I couldn’t exactly say that his developing relationship with Hanji was surprising to me. They were both nerdy and easily excited, invested in others, but willing to talk about themselves too, with the right person and right timing. Armin always was the cuddly one out of me, him, and Mikasa, so I knew that Hanji was able to give him that too. I wanted it to work out for them. Armin always deserved more happiness than what he had in our childhood.

 

I left the table some time later after attempting to eat a little more with Mikasa’s fussing over my lack of finished food on the table (she wouldn’t let me go the day without completely eating something small for breakfast). Afterwards, I met up with Levi, studied a little, and went to class.

 

The end of January turned out to be just as uneventful as the start. The beginning of February began to roll in with excessive amounts of pink and red everywhere I turned. Boxes of chocolates and bouquets of flowers and pictures of hearts and doves were advertised regardless of where I ended up through the passing days, and I was left with the painful reminder that I still hadn’t asked Levi out by the time the first week of the month ended.

 

By far, the worst part holding me back was the nervousness. Not the prices of everything, not the crowds for that day, not the possibility that the movie we wanted to see would have a full theatre and every restaurant would have a two hour waiting period, except for an old McDonald’s. The nervousness didn’t stem from any of that, and that’s what I found even more nerve wracking, if that was possible. 

 

The heart racing and throat closing feeling and sweaty palms and lack of sleep all started at the thought of going out with Levi for a special occasion. It wasn’t our usual spur of the moment coffee shop trips and laying in bed together to keep warm; Valentine’s Day was special. It was a romantic holiday with romantic intentions, and I realised this would be pushing us one step away from friends and a step closer to… whatever came next for us. Another step into ‘complicated’. I wasn’t sure if I was really ready for that commitment, for the dive into another step with him that wouldn’t have a name like the previous steps.

 

Did I really want a deeper relationship with him? I wasn’t ready for him to be called a romantic partner, but it would hurt more to only call him a friend after everything we’d gone through. Stepping into the more romantic category scared me more than pulling away from all feelings and being casual friends. 

 

I didn’t bother asking him out until far later on, the day before the holiday, actually. It would’ve been better if I didn’t hesitate to ask in the first place, but I doubted that he had plans in place for the day. Hanji had no chance of stealing of him away, with their plans they had with Armin. He had to reason to say no to me, and I had no reason to hold back on asking him for two and a half weeks.

 

We were both laying in bed together, at the time. He was curled up against me and reading a book, and I found comfort in doing nothing, lazily drawing small circles on his arm with my finger. It took a good twenty minutes of contemplating what to say to him before I was able to speak up.

 

“Hey, Levi?”

 

“Hm?” I never minded when he only hummed in response to me like that. In a way, I found it sort of cute, fitting for him.

 

“Do you want to go out to dinner tomorrow night? Like, dinner and a movie?” He pulled his eyes up and away from his book to look at me, a curious expression on his face.

 

“As in… a date, for Valentine’s day?” My throat closed up at the word ‘date’. It was a date, and I couldn’t deny that. As much as I wanted to say the confirmation aloud, I decided it would be best to give a nod and a smile back to him, not trusting myself to give him a proper, verbal answer. It wasn’t worth the risk of me messing up at a time like this.

 

Levi looked back down to his book, trying to act nonchalant. I didn’t miss the shade of pink that bloomed on his cheeks or the soft, almost shaky ‘sure’ that left his mouth in response. Part of me felt that the thoughts that crossed his mind were the same as mine.

 

The rest of the night passed quietly until we went to bed. Neither of us said a word to each other, the tenseness felt in the air, the familiar lingering feeling of anxiety no one spoke of. I wasn’t able to fall asleep, and judging the by the sound of his not-so-deep breathing, I knew he couldn’t sleep either. I was the one to clear my throat and break the silence, my voice coming our far shakier than I wanted it to be.

 

“Levi, do you… do you want to call it a ‘date’? I-is that okay with you?” I felt his body tense in my arms before he relaxed.

 

“Yeah, I… that’s okay with me. It can be called a date. That’s what it is, right? A date, not just hanging out for the hell of it?”

 

“You’re right, it’s not random plans. This is a planned date, if that’s okay.”

 

“It’s okay, Eren,” I felt Levi shift closer to me and bury his face into my shoulder, “you can call it a date. Now get some sleep before you have no energy to go on that date with me. I want to see you awake and alive for it.”

  
The conversation ended with a soft kiss to my cheek in the dark of the room at night and a flooding feeling of warmth coming over me with sleep. We were going on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit did i disappear lol. welcome to the world of college and depression. it sucks over here and i feel like death.
> 
> anyway, before i go on an endless rant about my sadness and the fact that- while i should've been writing- i was high off of narcotics (by accident) for like two weeks instead:
> 
> \- i already have parts of Chapter Eighteen written out, along with 2k for Chapter Nineteen, another 1k for Chapter Twenty, and a little bit for Chapter Twenty One. these chapters will be long, but in the month that i vanished, i managed like 6k in content. no promises on when they'll be out, but i'm working on them to be far longer than this.
> 
> \- on top of that 6k, there's another 5k for a victuri one shot i didn't publish yet. haven't given up on it- just trying to rewrite parts ! i promise i'll have it up some time. c:
> 
> \- also, while kicking my own ass out of the deep dark writer's block hole, i wrote an entire klance one shot. it's called Celestial, up on my page. c; check that out please.
> 
> \- honestly, my updates aren't going to be consistent. college sucks. a lot. i'll have like one day of free time and then suddenly i have four essays due the next night. i can't predict when chapters will be up; all i can say is that i'm trying my best for chapters to be up in general.
> 
> \- but on a positive note, thanks for all the support, despite my inactivity. c': though i lost a lot of bookmarks and subscriptions, i was still happy to see people stayed. <3


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter nineteen was posted at the same time, so i'll save my ranting for then ! enjoy. c:

My heart was already racing by the time I woke up the next morning. Levi and I were going out on a date. An actual, romantic date. It wasn’t like the first lunch we went out to, where we went as friends, nor was it going to be like my gift for his birthday, where we went as close friends. This was a date, and I had no excuse for calling it something else. Friends didn’t go on dates for Valentine’s Day like this. The warmth from the previous night magically turned into anxiety against my own will at that thought.

 

We still had class that day, and after that, I had a few hours before it would be a decent time to go out to eat and watch a movie at a local theatre. I tried to at least think some things through while eating breakfast and getting a shower, but it was difficult knowing that Levi wasn’t picky. He didn’t have many foods that he hated (save for the rocky road ice cream I adored), and there wasn’t a genre of movie he loved more than the next. I could only narrow down the options with my own personal preferences and availability of everything.

 

It wasn’t all too long before Levi and I had to head to class, and even then, I tried to map out the options while taking notes. If I wanted to go anywhere decent with him tonight, I would have to make dinner reservations. Not to mention every Valentine’s Day movie release would be out today too, so there was a fair chance that all the theatres close by would be crowded and unenjoyable.

 

Of course, there was still time for me to completely scrap the plans I considered. I could do something different, go somewhere else with him, find some place that wouldn’t be so crowded and pricey. After all, I had a tendency to make plans pop into existence from thin air and manage to make them good plans, at that. The stargazing idea came on a whim, and I had no idea where we were going the first time I decided to go out for coffee with him. Both of those times turned out great, in the end.

 

I’m not so sure if Levi picked up on the fact that I wasn’t very responsive through the day, but I do remember that he said he was headed out to buy a few things out in town. That would leave me alone for the time to plan out everything the way I wanted before he came back to spend time with me.

 

And suddenly, three hours went by and nothing was set in stone.

 

The bubble of anxiety I was feeling earlier was only growing more justified with the ticking clock and ever growing log of phone calls I made. I wasn’t able to make dinner reservations anywhere, unless I wanted to eat at two in the morning or give up and go to a greasy fast food place in a shady alleyway because there wasn’t a single place open for the night within a thirty kilometre radius. Movie theatres were far too full to buy any seats except for the remaining front ones that no one wanted, except for the people who found neck cramps fun. I had to plan something else out.

 

Looking around the dorm room, I figured there had to be something else to do. There had to be some makeshift plan I could make from air and magic like I did with all my last minute essays on nights I forgot the due dates. I wasn’t going to do nothing while Levi was still out somewhere in the city for the afternoon. Levi wouldn’t mind as much as I would if things didn’t work out, but I refused to let that happen.

 

I sent a text to Armin regardless of whether or not he would see it anytime soon and asked for some form of advice, explaining the situation that I got myself into. Surprisingly, not even a full five minutes passed by before I got a response, though Hanji was the one to message back despite it being Armin’s phone. I nearly forgot that they were out together.

 

Hanji wasn’t the most help, but their message back gave me some amount of guidance. They said I could find a way to wing it, make my own version of dinner and a movie at home. Or, in this case, at the dorm room. They gave me permission to go into their dorm if I needed any resources from there that I didn’t have myself. The little thumbs up emoji at the end of the text wasn’t much encouragement, but I appreciated the gesture.

 

I sat down on my bed and planned things out for a minute in the silence of the room. I had less than an hour before Levi came back. All we had was our dorm room and things on campus. I had to use what was around me and manage to get a meal and a movie to appear better than a magician could.

 

Then, I realised I had everything I needed to make a dinner and movie appear. First and foremost was searching our own dorm room for anything I could use before having to leave. I did a few things on my laptop, made a quick phone call to order food from the old Chinese place that had the sweet and sour chicken Levi liked, and headed down to Hanji’s dorm room to pick up whatever I could from them. Their dorm room was even messier than their car to my dismay and horror, but they did have things of use to me.

 

Next came going to pick up the food and coming back before Levi did. The traffic didn’t make it very easy for me to pay and take our cheap Chinese back in a reasonable time, but there was still a good ten minutes before Levi would arrive for me to set up.

 

I pushed together two, wooden fold up tables from Hanji’s room and threw a blanket of mine over them both like a tablecloth. The little candles I managed to find were lit up and placed on there in replacement for any fancy candles that would be in one of those stereotypical dates in movies, and I pulled out the white, styrofoam food boxes from the carry out bag they came in. Pillows from my bed were thrown onto the fold up chairs (also taken from Hanji’s room; who knew why they had so much in there), and I made sure my Netflix free trial I set up earlier was working before putting my laptop on an extra table across from our food. On my way out the room, I turned off the dorm room’s lights and hoped that it didn’t look as pathetic as it really was. I can say that I put in genuine effort, even if it wasn’t a genuine dinner and movie.

 

My only fear was Levi hating the idea altogether. I could deal with him being mad at me; it wouldn’t be the first time that happened. I wasn’t so sure if I could deal with him being mad at me because of a date I tried and failed at.

 

It wasn’t long after that I got a text from Levi saying that he was already back from shopping at that he was headed down to the dorm room. If it was possible for my heart to physically fall out of my chest, I’m sure it would’ve happened.

 

There was always a chance for me to not show off what I had done, magically make another table appear in a restaurant with the staff all prepared and force another row of seats to appear in a theatre for a decent movie. Sure, it wasn’t a good chance and practically impossible to achieve within the next two minutes, but it was almost a chance I was willing to take to not have to make Levi see the thrown together set up in our dorm room.

 

He came down the hall only a minute or so later, giving me a confused glance when he saw me pressed up against the door I was protecting it with my life. His footsteps grew slower until he stopped in front of me, silently gesturing to the door and waiting for me to explain what was going on.

 

“Don’t be mad, but the plans uh… didn’t work?”

 

“What do you mean they didn’t work?” He looked a lot more confused than annoyed or angry. With a deep breath, I opened the door behind me wide enough for him to look inside.

 

“Look, this was all I was able to get. Th-the movie theatres were packed and the restaurants were too expensive and there were no reservations I could get, so… I hope you don’t mind. I tried?”

 

And to my surprise, I heard the best reaction I could possibly gain out of the make-shift dinner and movie: Levi’s laughter.

 

He was doubled over with his hands on his stomach, the most vibrant laughs I’d ever heard leaving his mouth like it was the funniest thing he’d seen in his entire life. I only ever got to hear small chuckles from him or a snort of amusement at best (save for the one other time he laughed like that when he invited me to Hanji’s New Year’s party), but it wasn’t often that it got to the point that he was wheezing from laughing so hard as he was now. I couldn’t even care why exactly he was laughing because it was laughter, the most mellifluous sound I had ever heard from him, and I wouldn’t ask for more.

  
  


Levi calmed down a solid three minutes later and wiped at his eyes. He stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest while looking over the attempted dinner table and theatre I set up.

 

“This is the saddest dinner and movie I’ve ever seen in my entire life, but it’s the most Eren-like thing I’ve seen at the same damn time and it’s fucking perfect. Now come on, let’s sit down and choose a movie. Don’t know why you’re standing there like that.” To my surprise, and even with the insults, he took my hand and pulled me along to the fold out chairs, even doing as much as pulling out my chair for me before I sat down.

 

“You don’t hate it?”

 

“Jesus, of course not. It’s not the date I was thinking about, but you put in a shit ton of effort for the sake of me. It’s… really nice.”

 

A sigh of relief left my mouth. He didn’t hate the effort I put in. Looking at the display, it really didn’t seem like I ran around for nearly an hour, but I’m glad he saw the last minute time I forced into the display. And even more rewarding than the laughter was the tender smile on his face after sitting down.

 

The date turned out well, to my blessing. I chose the right Chinese take out food, judging by how much Levi enjoyed it, and he liked the Netflix movie too (some movie about a dog that I couldn’t remember the title of). Nothing I planned came out right, but the content look on Levi’s face through the entire experience made it worth it. He didn’t hate me, he didn’t hate the thrown together date plans, and I never felt so relieved in my life.

 

In the end, I don’t think I cared that it didn’t work out the way I wanted. I enjoyed the dinner and movie there more than I would’ve liked a crowded restaurant and a front row movie theatre, too loud and full of other people to enjoy. One-on-one time with Levi was better than any cliché experience I could’ve had.

 

When we laid down together that night with my laptop put back in its place and the fold up chairs and tables back in Hanji’s room, I never felt more at home. He was in my arms, happy even after I messed I up everything we planned to have. He was happy, and that made me even more happy than I thought was possible. For once, I felt like everything was right. His enjoyment meant the world to me.

 

“Oh, I didn’t get to give you what I bought earlier, Eren.”

 

“You bought me something?” He nodded in response. I watched him sit up in bed and take out a little white box from his jacket pocket. He handed it over to me and gestured for me to open it, watching over my reaction.

 

I opened up the box and saw a bracelet inside of it with a wing made out of some gemstones I couldn’t name. They were all as green as the wing I adored and tried to flaunt more than the other, the one I didn’t hide from the public eye.

 

“Since… I know you wanted a wing to match the other. It was the best I could do when I was out today. I mainly went out for other things of my own, but I would feel bad if I didn’t do anything for you.” I stared down at the little bracelet. It didn’t look all that cheap. Carefully, I pulled it out of the box and clasped it around my right wrist, the side where I didn’t have the green wing, the side that I now had one with the added jewlery.

 

“You really are a huge softie, Levi, you know that?”

 

“Hush, it’s only for you. I can be more of a dick for you if you need me to be.” I elbowed him in the side and earned a smirk in response.

 

“Nope, don’t need that. No need to be an intentional asshole, even if I like the sarcasm that comes with it. I like all sides of you, but the sentimental, sweet Levi is my favourite to have around.”

 

He let out a sigh and laid back down next to me. I moved the little box off the bed and did the same, holding an arm around his waist. I laid with him in silence and stared at the ceiling when a thought came to mind.

 

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve someone as great as you in my life, Levi. It feels like I’ve done nothing in my life up until this point to have someone stay by me, you know? Like… like…”

 

“Like you don’t deserve happiness.” He finished for me, “I feel that way too sometimes. You haven’t done anything to be treated like shit either. Remember that, at least. It would be a different story if you were a huge douche, but that’s not the case. Don’t blame yourself for not getting some of the happiness you should have.”

 

“You’re… right. You’re right about a lot of things, jeez.”

 

“No shit.” I let out a chuckle and nudged him in the side again, this time only getting a soft ‘quit it’ in response. Messing with him still remained as one of my favourite things to do when we had down time like now.

 

Conversation died down for the rest of the night, and after getting changed, both of us laid back on the bed with the lights off. It was quiet for a while with neither of us saying a word to each other, Levi absentmindedly stroking my broken wing. He always liked petting the feathers of my right wing more than the left when we close enough for him to do so, and it always made me feel a little bit better about having it there. Even if others didn’t like my wing, he did, and that’s what mattered to me the most. I didn’t feel as bad about it as I used to.

 

The last thing I remember from the night was hearing him whisper a good night and feeling a soft kiss on the top of my head. I always had a good night sleeping with him and hoped it would never change.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild violence warning ^^ have fun.

I had an even better morning waking up with him in my arms than I had a night of falling asleep next to him. It would never be a truly ‘bad’ morning waking up with Levi. There wasn’t a day that I felt empty or upset or anything remotely negative when I got to see the peaceful expression on his face. Every once in awhile, I woke up before he did, but that meant I got to see the content look there while he played with my wings, waiting for me to awake. Regardless of what exactly I woke up to, there was never a single bad morning with Levi. I concluded that it was impossible.

 

This time, he was awake before me. I didn’t feel gentle fingers running along the gold wing on my back as usual but instead a hand at my wrist. He was looking down at the bracelet he gave me and playing with it. I watched him in silence for a minute before he noticed that I was awake too, his eyes moving up to look up at mine.

 

“Morning.”

 

“Good morning, Levi.” I would never get sick of the faint smile on his lips every time I said that. He made me feel loved and accepted with the littlest gestures. I hoped that I could have that for the rest of my life.

 

For a minute, I considered what it would be like to have him around for far longer than college. I thought about what it would be like to live with him, wake up in the same bed, eat a quiet meal together in the morning, come home to him after a long day at work in a future job. It would be a life of living with someone that made me feel cared for and appreciated every day. The best part was that the dream could become a reality, if I had enough hope and willpower to make it that far with him.

 

It was still early in the morning by the time both of us had woken up, so we stayed in bed for a while. Neither of us spoke much in that time, but that was alright. I didn’t need to speak to him to feel warm in his arms. All he had to do was be there for me.

 

Class seemed to go by easier that day, when it came time to go there. I was fond of the professor for the course, which made each day easier to get through. Levi sitting next to me helped make it more bearable too, and I didn’t mind the other people I had the class with. I happened to share another class with Bertholdt and Nanaba, both of which I got along with, when we shared a class earlier in the year. We didn’t talk to each other often, but I remembered them being nice to me.

 

The rest of the afternoon was rather uneventful after that. Levi and I went to eat some lunch at the campus’s food hall and then went back to our room. I had to finish a paper for class that Levi somehow did already, so he stayed quiet and wrote his own personal story for the time being. A few hours managed to pass by just like that.

 

Later on that day, sometime after class was over but before evening hit, I made sure to pay a visit to Hanji and Armin, both in Hanji’s room to my joy. I hadn’t run into Jean and made no plans to do so any time soon, if it could be helped. The hallways had lingering people regardless, but they were all strangers or prior classmates I didn’t talk to.

 

I knocked and waited for a response for once before walking inside, glad to see them both curled up on Hanji’s bed together. They looked more comfortable with each other every time I saw them now.

 

“Eren! How did the date go? Sit down, tell us all about it.” Hanji gestured to the foot of the bed, and I walked over to sit where they gestured. I made sure not to sit on their feet, or Armin’s for that matter, and leaned back on my elbows.

 

“Went… well, surprisingly. You know the initial plan didn’t work, but it still ended up fine somehow.”

 

“What did you two do instead?” Armin asked. He was laying on top Hanji’s wing again, his blonde hair ruffled up in all different directions. He seemed content there.

 

“Sat in the dorm room, ate some cheap Chinese take out, and watched Netflix. A lot got in the way of going to an actual theatre and restaurant, so I put that together instead.”

 

“Seriously?” Hanji raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah, seriously. He enjoyed it a lot, didn’t mind that it wasn’t what we had planned out from the start.”

 

Armin physically lit up. Both of them already looked happy when I first walked in, but my own news only made them look happier. Seeing my friends in a good mood always lifted mine in return.

 

“Oh hey, that’s chrysoprase!” Hanji suddenly gripped onto my wrist and ran their fingers across the gems of my new bracelet. Of course they’d know what it was. That didn’t come as a shock to me, but I was still glad to have a name to the gemstones on my wrist.

 

“It’s so pretty. Who gave this to you?”

 

“Levi did. It was a gift for Valentine’s Day.” Hanji’s squeal could’ve made anyone within the city and beyond deaf, guaranteed. I’m not quite sure how Armin survived that volume being closer than I was. As much as I loved having them for a friend, I understood why Levi felt annoyed with them at times. They were loud, messy, and… Hanji. But those were also the exact reasons that they were unique and made me like them even more.

 

“He’s such a romantic! My little Levy-Li actually bought something for his lover! Oh, how adorable, I think my heart’s going to stop here, Pretty Boy. You two were meant to be for sure, without a doubt.” Hanji held a hand to their heart and released their grip on my wrist, instead staring at me in awe. I hadn’t heard that nickname in months; I was surprised they even remembered calling me that.

 

“Thanks?”

 

“I think you’re scaring Eren, Hanji.”

 

“Scaring me and anyone with ears in the building.”

“Awh, I didn’t mean to scare you, Eren,” Hanji didn’t look sorry about it at all, for the record, “I’m excited to see you and Levi so happy together. I thought he wouldn’t ever have feelings like this for someone. Then a cute boy like you walks in and his entire life changed. Isn’t it so romantic and nice?”

 

“Alright, that’s it, I’m going back to the dorm before I drown in feelings ‘n stuff from you. This is too much.” I rubbed at my temples and starting making my way to the door while waving to them both.

 

“Oh, talk to me later, Eren. I want to hear more about you two. We don’t talk one-on-one as much as we used to.” Armin spoke up before I made it too far.

 

“I’ll make a point to go out for lunch with you later this week, then.” And on that note, I left the room with a smile.

 

Levi was laying back on the bed when I made it back to the dorm. He was reading yet another book (he always seemed to have a new one in his hands every two weeks or so) and listening to music. I sat down on the bed and shifted next to him, looking at the cover of it until he paused his music.

 

“So, you didn’t tell Hanji about the bracelet?” He raised an eyebrow at my sudden question.

 

“No, why would I?”

 

“I don’t know, it just seems like something you would tell Hanji.”

 

“Nope, I knew they would make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want to deal with that. You’re more capable of putting up with Hanji’s ‘enthusiasm’ than I am.”

 

“Oh, that’s a dick move. I’m surprised you didn’t hear their screaming, Levi. You threw me into nearly having blown out eardrums. I could’ve died out there, for all you know.”

 

“What? I thought you missed some of sarcastic, asshole Levi. He doesn’t come around enough for you anymore, apparently. The ‘sentimental, sweet Levi’ fronts too often now.” I would’ve been more upset with him if it wasn’t for the smug look on his face. I shoved him in his side and shifted away from him on the bed so my back was facing him instead.

 

“Whatever. It’s all you, anyway. I don’t care what part of you shows up anymore as long as it’s you.”

 

“Doesn’t sound like you don’t care. Sounds like you care a lot about this, as a matter of fact.”

 

“Well, it’s true. I don’t care at all.”

 

“Uh-huh, whatever you say.” I could feel a bit of movement on the bed and saw him unpause his music when I turned to look at him again. I only stayed with him for a while longer before leaving the dorm room again to see Mikasa. I didn’t want to tell her about our relationship in extensive detail, but I always made a point to keep her updated on it since our talk back on Thanksgiving.

 

It was on my way to seeing Mikasa that I started feeling off again. I always hated walking alone through the hallways, regardless of how many times I’d done it already. After the sun set and the hallways were darkened, even with the artificial lighting in the ceiling, it felt worse. Cold and dark and quiet, with no one laughing on their way to class or out to get food with friends. Sure, that would mean there was less of a chance that I would run into anyone else, but it left me vulnerable if i did happen to run into anyone else while I was alone.

 

And maybe, just maybe, I jinxed it, thinking I could go alone in the hallway without seeing Jean around for so many weeks.

 

I tried to avoid him, at first. Avoid all eye contact, pretend I didn’t look at him for those short two seconds, continue on my merry way to see Mikasa and talk about my new bracelet and its significance to me. When he tried to call for my attention, I walked a little faster, acted like it was no big deal for him to be around. Then I realised that I already passed the hallway I needed to go down to see Mikasa.

 

To my horror, I froze up. My mind drew a blank on what way to turn, and when I looked back, Jean was far closer to me than before. 

 

“I already told you to go rot in hell, didn’t I?” He walked closer and closer to me, until I realised we were backing up into an empty classroom. There was the cold look in his eyes again, but this time, it looked even colder, sharper, murderous. I was scared.

 

I could feel my back hit into the wall behind me, and that was the very moment that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to leave him.

 

My breath caught in my chest from the first blow. My vision blurred, and my mind almost didn’t process how hard I was punched or the fact that I was being hit in the first place before the next hit came. And then the next. And the next. My chest, my stomach, my head. I heard the sickening sounds repeatedly, and I was overly aware of the warm feeling of blood starting to trickle from the stinging spots on my body. I kept my eyes closed the entire time to avoid watching what he was doing to me when it started to hurt too much. There was no way I could deal with seeing it again, when I’d hoped it stopped in high school. 

 

I fought back at the start of everything, enough to leave bruises and scratches on him for later, but my consciousness blurred for a second and made me stop. In that moment, I started to believe that I would pass out and Jean would keep going until I was dead like he wished for me to be. That no one would find me and I would be a pile of broken bones and blood in an empty room of a college campus. The guy with mismatched wings that was murdered for his deformity, for being different than the others. And, considering that and the level of pain I was in, I was almost ready to embrace that fate. I wouldn’t have to deal with the bullies and the mean comments, the well intentioned children with ill comments and the parents giving nervous, judging glances. There wouldn’t be professors giving me the look of sympathy while talking about flying, and I wouldn’t have to be an anomaly in the sea of other people. For a minute, amidst the blurriness of pain, I thought it would be nice for Jean to kill me already. I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone or anything anymore if I was dead.

That is, I would’ve been fine with dying if Levi didn’t walk in. The fists and feet stopped hitting into me, and through somewhat hazy vision, I could see Levi shove him into the wall next to me, hard enough for him to fall down. He helped me up into my feet, guided me out of the room, and went back in, all in about a minute. Maybe less, since my perception of just about everything, including time, was off.

 

I kept my back pressed against the wall outside the room, listening to every word Levi shouted to him around the corner, after Jean’s pleads to not be hurt by him. I slowly slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, not daring to stand up or even leave. There wasn’t a point in it nor did I feel like moving with the amount of pain I was in.

 

“He’s abnormal. He’s deformed. Not normal, not right, definitely not how he should look at all. His gold wing is all broken and bent and  _ ugly _ .”

I felt tears well up in my eyes. Part of me was surprised that he didn’t go straight into a fight, but the malice in his voice and strain behind every word showed how pissed he was, even if there wasn’t any more bloodshed in the room. Even though I hated Jean for multiple reasons, I wouldn’t want him to end up dead where I would’ve been. Something didn’t feel right about wishing for his death in return for him wanting mine.

 

“But guess what, dipshit? I  _ love  _ him. People have imperfections. I don’t fucking care if he can’t fly because he wasn’t born the same way as everyone else. I don’t care if he has two different coloured wings because to me, it’s beautiful. Even aside from that, he’s unique, he’s precious, he lights up every single room he walks into, and I swear to god if you ever touch him again, I won’t hesitate to rip your fucking throat out.”

 

I was definitely crying, despite the harsh threat he gave to Jean. He loved me, and he said it aloud. Levi  _ loved  _ me.

 

I pushed the tears away with the sleeves of my sweater, letting them soak the fabric through to my skin. Blood smeared onto it too, but I couldn’t bring myself to caring. There were more important things for me to worry about than blood stains on a sweater. I didn’t bother moving from my place on the floor even as footsteps grew closer.

 

“Eren?” Levi called out to me. His voice was a lot gentler than it was before. I looked up to him.

 

Levi frowned after seeing my expression, but it wasn’t the usual frown I saw on his face. This was one of genuine concern instead of apathy or annoyance. He walked over to me and crouched down to the floor, wiping the tears away from eyes.

 

It was weird to see him so soft and not in the children’s book-loving way either. For another minute, I feared that something was going to go horribly wrong, maybe even worse than what happened with Jean. Levi defended me like that before, but the fact that he changed into a new person right before my eyes was terrifying in ways that I didn’t think would be possible. As much as I wanted him close to me from the very start, I never wanted him father from me right then.

 

I felt nauseous thinking about it. My body was already bloodied and bruised from Jean, and the last thing I needed was Levi’s personality doing a complete flip on me out of nowhere. I was tired of being thrown around, physically and mentally. He didn’t need to make me sick, to add to the list.

 

“You heard everything, didn’t you?” I hesitated but nodded nonetheless. I don’t know why he asked; he’s the one that dragged me out of the room, and it would be impossible for me to not hear him with how loud he was even if I decided to walk away. I was almost more surprised no one else heard and came to check on us. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I felt more tears roll down my cheeks and sting the wounds there as he rested his face against my chest. 

 

Why was he being like this all of a sudden? My mind raced with every word that he said, yet it only made things more confusing in the end. Levi wasn’t supposed to be the one to expose himself like that, but there he was, buried in my chest, leading me to believe that this was either someone new or I broke him somehow. 

 

“I’m sorry you have to deal with assholes like him.” 

 

“It’s okay…”

 

“It’s not okay. This shit shouldn’t happen to you. But you should get cleaned up.” He muttered. He wiped away the tears on my cheeks one more time before standing up and dragging me off towards the bathrooms. My heart raced in my chest from nervousness, but I had more faith that this was actually Levi being Levi, just exposed to the core, just for me, just for the situation I was in. And partly because he loved me.

 

I walked into one of the shower stalls and Levi told me to wait. He walked off for a minute but came back, holding a first aid kit in hand.

 

“You don’t… have to.”

 

“Shut up and let me. It’s the least I can do.” The words were harsh, but he softness was still there. I wanted sarcastic Levi to be there instead like he was earlier in the day. The softness scared me for once. For some reason deep down, I didn’t want to have someone care for me when I was broken and bruised up. I didn’t want someone to care about me when no one else did like that before.

 

I took off my shirt for him and let him clean up every wound on my body, surprised that I didn’t look anymore black and blue than I felt. It took me a while to relax and trust him, let him take care of me because I knew I needed it. The same neutral expression fell back onto his face after a while, and it was only then that I could feel more comfortable. I wasn’t sure if the sudden kindness and sympathy was genuine or not, so seeing the usual expression he held was a relief.

 

A while passed by before he finished cleaning me up and helped me put my shirt back on. Jean managed to not break any of my bones, we found out. I was going to stand up and leave with him, but I noticed the way he was still, another expression I couldn’t read on his face. 

 

“Levi? Are you okay?”

 

“I… should probably show you something. And you’re either going to hate me or not hate me. Promise not to leave me until I finish explaining.”

 

“I’m not going to hate you and promise not to leave, but what now?” He stayed quiet. I watched him pull off his shirt and move until he was under the shower head. In response, I moved back to not get myself wet while he turned on the water. His body seemed stiff as he shifted backwards, drenching his wings in water.

 

“The whole ‘you’re not alone’ thing is annoying as hell because people never know what you’re going through,” he chuckled, but there wasn’t an ounce of life in his tone, “but I know how shitty it actually is, and I’m sorry for never telling you, I guess.”

 

He carefully pulled at his right wing with both hands, and I noticed the way it jerked oddly, unnaturally, again. I didn’t have a clue what he was doing until he pulled away a transparent, plastic prosthetic. His wing immediately crumpled without it, falling against his back and down to the ground.

Blue dye dribbled down every feather, pooling at the floor of the shower while he cleaned it out with soapy water, doing all he could to not look at me in the process. I looked back up to the bent wing, only to see that it was a bright white as more and more blue dripped away. It was still the same size as the other one, and each feather was grown in how it should be, but it was obvious the bones there weren’t shaped right, making it impossible for him to fully stretch out his wings or fly. Like mine.

 

“Levi, you…”

 

“Hanji helped me make it look normal. I was tired of people treating me like shit for it.”

I couldn’t help but stare as the remaining dye flushed away. He turned off the shower and slowly faced me, some concern being obvious in his features. With a small chuckle, I looked up to meet his eyes, finally gathering the courage to speak.

“I really like your wings…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, not sorry.
> 
> second off, thank you for everything !! o: i really can't believe i've made it this far with this story. all of you are so, so amazing. <3 i really don't know what to say aha
> 
> see you next chapter~


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the formatting of chapters eighteen and nineteen last update ;o; apparently Ao3 switched the order three times before it let me keep it as is.
> 
> also, this is another double update so twenty and twenty one were posted ! make sure you're on the right chapter (and yes, this note is at the beginning of both). o:

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”  


“I couldn’t.”  


“What do you mean you ‘couldn’t’?” We already made it back to our dorm room and sat down on my bed. I stayed behind Levi to help dry up the water dripping from his wings, cleaning the remainder of the dye off his feathers in the process. He didn’t seem to mind me sitting behind him in the process, taking my time to make it look as kept together and neat as the other. As neat as the real blue one.  


“I couldn’t… go through with someone else finding out. Even if you understood me.”  


“Someone else?” I had too many questions for him. It was so much to process, and my head throbbed both from the forming bruises and scabs and the shock that came with what Levi revealed to me.  


He pulled away from me and moved until we were facing each other on the bed. I couldn’t stop staring at the mass of white feathers behind his back. They were so pretty. Light, in every sense. Colour, weight- his wing was beautiful. I wanted to keep holding it, feel how soft the feathers were under my fingers, see them shine underneath the light of the room.  


“It was a pain in the ass to get that prosthetic. It was even more of a pain to constantly use some dye that would barely stay on most times and get in my clothes if I wasn’t careful enough with it. You don’t get how long it took me to keep everything under control so it wouldn’t affect me, Eren. People don’t hire you for decent jobs or let you into super nice colleges when you can’t even be born right. The last thing I needed was to have something else blow up in my face because of it.”  


I couldn’t be mad at him for keeping it to himself. In a way, I understood where he was coming from. If I had the chance to cover my own wing up, I would’ve done the same as him to make my life easier. Now, I wasn’t necessarily fond of the way he told me, and he could’ve told me at a better time, but I was still happy that he decided to tell regardless.  


“Were you scared of how I was going to react? I mean, even though you saw I have the same condition?”  


“I wasn’t scared. I just didn’t know how to tell you at first. Or better yet, tell you and show you without other problems coming up from it. I couldn’t find a way without it being a huge hassle to me and you both. I wasn’t planning on telling you any time soon.”

I let that thought sit for a minute. How different would this be if Levi decided against telling me? What if he kept that to himself for far longer? Would he let me go on thinking I was alone in what I faced?  


The silence lingered on. I laid back on the bed, and he propped himself up on his elbows. Neither of us looked at the other for what seemed like an eternity. I sat and let the weight of the information sink in on me until I could think of something else to ask. Another half hour had passed by in the time that it took me to come up with anything to say.  


“Wait, so is that why you always left the room to get changed? So I wouldn’t have to see your wing?”  


“Yeah. I had to take off the prosthetic to put on a shirt right.”  


“And you slept with it on, too? Didn’t it hurt?” Levi hesitated on his answer. He didn’t need to say more for me to know the answer, but he continued on anyway.  


“It did, a little. I would deal with it though. Sometimes you slept heavy enough for me to take it off for some of the night. I would put it back on in the morning, before you woke up.”  


“Can I… see it?” Levi stayed quiet for a moment, but he soon grabbed the prosthetic from the floor where he left it.  


It was clear and smooth, aligned with the exact length and shape of Levi’s wing. The material seemed strong enough to keep his wing together, but it was still thin enough that it could be buried under his feathers without anyone knowing. I had no clue how Hanji would’ve designed something so impressive. The amount of respect I had for them only seemed to increase with every passing day.  


I handed it back to Levi a minute later, and he set it back down on the floor, tucking it underneath the bed. His right wing wasn’t able to stretch out too far, I noticed. I couldn’t tell from looking alone if it was his muscle or his bone that was deformed more in that area, but regardless of what specifically held him back, he didn’t have full mobility there.

  
“How did you find me, anyway? In that room with Jean?”  


“I went to go talk to Hanji about adjustments for my prosthetic, ironically enough. Just happened to overhear you two on my way there. Jean isn’t quiet about being an asshole, you know.”  


“So pure luck.” It wasn’t a question nor a statement. I could barely process the fact that he found me in the first place and everything that happened afterwards. Today was heavy, and yet it wasn’t even late in the evening. I wanted nothing more than sleep for the time being, even if I wasn’t tired enough to actually rest through the whole night.  


Levi only nodded in response to my question-statement hybrid. We were quiet for a very long time after that, the truth of what happened weighing us down even more. Levi laid fully down on the bed, only daring to glance at me for a second. I know we both felt the tension and the mixed thought and emotions, how complicated everything felt and how the weight of the world was on our shoulders, bringing us down until we were suffocating from the pressure. If even a single event were to be out of place today, there was a chance I wouldn’t even be laying next to him. The weight could’ve killed me.  


As much as I was annoyed that he didn’t say anything to me about his wing sooner, I had a lot more admiration for him too. He went through all the same things as me, maybe even worse, since he didn’t have the same family I had to support myself. I had loving parents and a safe home to confide in when my wings ruined a day for me. He had a couple friends and some run down place to stay in to protect himself from the streets. Sometimes, I forgot how fortunate I was to grow up the way I did.  


Even so, I struggled in my own way. I had the days where I would come home with new bruises and scrapes and a broken nose for the fourth consecutive time. All of my schools had an anti-bullying policy, but that never stopped anyone from treating me the way they did. If teachers didn’t catch and it and there weren’t cameras for capture the event, then it didn’t happen. I magically got the wounds without any harassment, they justified.  


All I wanted was for someone to understand me, but laying on a bed, feeling more like death than usual, wasn’t my ideal way. At the very least, I felt comfortable with Levi again. Seeing him care so intensely for me all at once was beyond overwhelming; I would easily say nauseating too. I loved to bathe in the affection he gave me, feel my new bracelet hang around my wrist, and see the pink spread across his cheeks when he gave me even the slightest compliment. Seeing him break down and expose himself raw and vulnerable for the sake of me wasn’t something I ever wanted to include in that list.  


Quietly, I reached out to touch his white wing. He didn’t move in the least while my fingers ran along it, skimming over the parts where it felt like muscle and bone were missing, being gentle over the sore skin where his prosthetic rubbed against all the time. There was no way it didn’t hurt for him to keep it together all the time. I’m not sure how he held his wing up, and I was even less sure of how he mentally made himself so strong.  


Without thinking much of what I was saying to him, I started to speak again, letting everything on my mind tumble out into the open.  


"If I was normal, none of this would ever happen... I wouldn't be treated like I was different if I wasn't different, you know? If I just had normal wings like everyone else around us does... Maybe I wouldn't be putting you through anything right now, to add onto what you already deal with.”  


"Me and you think alike, with the whole ‘being normal’ thing, that is,” Levi sighed, looking over his shoulder to me with an expression I couldn’t exactly read, “I always thought maybe if I didn't have two different colored wings that no one would have made fun of me or hurt me, and I wouldn't have become so…”

“Cold and dark?”  


“Yeah, sure, that,” he rolled his eyes before continuing onward, turning over to face me without taking his wing away from my hand, “It took me a long time to realise it, but it was never my look's fault- it was those who couldn't accept me. You are normal, Eren. You are a human being, just like I am.”  


I sat in silence for a moment, doing nothing but taking in his words. It wasn’t often that he would say something so deep and well-worded to me or anyone else, but in a way, it felt right that he said that at a time like now.  


“Thank you.”  


“You’re welcome… but-” I cut him off before he could continue on with whatever he was about to say to me.  
**  
** “Dance with me. I don’t care if you’re not good at dancing, but I don’t wanna discuss the wing thing anymore, it’s going to drive me fucking insane, I swear. I need to do something else with you because… I need to get my mind off of this already, Levi. It’s awful. Just… just dance with me.” Levi blinked at me, his expression alone asking if I’d already gone insane.  


“Most people would just ask to stop talking about it or change subjects, Eren.”  


“I know. But- I don’t know- I want to dance. Please.”  


“Fine, whatever.” With a soft sigh, he complied, folding his arms across his chest and waiting for me.  


I grabbed my phone from the bed and unplugged the headphones I put in, scrolling through a list of songs I had on there. It felt like I was scrolling for an unbearable amount of time with the stiff silence in the room. Only about a minute passed by, in the end, when I chose a suitable song and set my phone back down on my bed.  


A look of realisation set over Levi’s face and body as the piano opening played out into our room. I somewhat awkwardly offered him my hand to take despite his shock, and I hoped it didn’t already feel sweaty. To my surprise (and definite relief), he didn’t hesitate much in taking it into his own, stepping close enough for the two of us to dance somewhat comfortably in the small space of our room.  
  


The first few steps were awkward and forced, as I expected them to be, but it only took a moment for his hand to melt into mine like it was always meant to be there. He let out a long exhale that diffused into the air between us and faded beneath the music.  
  


_It's been a long time coming, such a long, long time._

At first, he was looking down with every step he made to see if it was right, but soon enough, he looked up at me, directly into my eyes as he moved in the same way as I did. Gentle and slow, delicate and steady. He didn’t seem too stiff or uncomfortable after a little more of the song played on, his shoulders slumping down, and his wings moving away so they weren’t pressed so tight against his back.  
_  
_ Can you hear my heart beating? Can you hear that sound?

Levi looked away from me a few times, slowly relaxing, losing himself in the rhythm of the music. It was nice to see him so at ease, but I could feel my own heart racing from him being so close to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear it pound in my chest from the lack of space between us, every thump and stutter, every time it sent just a little bit more blood rushing right up to my cheeks and ears from embarrassment.

I’m sure I looked as nervous and tense as I felt, afraid that something was about to go horribly wrong in the next few minutes of my life. I’m even positive that I still looked flustered from the fact that I asked him to dance in the first place and that he stayed so close to me afterwards. He still seemed to get closer and closer with every step, and I wasn’t sure if it helped or made the erratic beating in my chest worse than it was to begin with.

_Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me._  
  
I don’t think either of us were very good dancers, especially not slow dancers, but the fact that we were dancing together at all made everything about the situation a little better. It wasn’t perfect at all. I stepped on his foot more than once, for sure, but he didn’t seem to mind it all that much. What mattered to us most was the fact that we were doing this in the first place, rather than the precision of it all.

All my focus was on the moment we were living in right then. His soft, even breathing, the now steady pulse of all my blood rushing through my body, and the quiet shuffle of our feet moving together on the carpeted floor of our dorm room. I couldn’t believe that I even asked Levi to do something like this all of a sudden, but all of the worry I had before seemed to fade with every passing second. It ended up being the perfect distraction from what we were talking about. I needed a moment like this with him

It was only the two of us in the room with each other, with no one to be hateful or rude, and I realised I had him all to myself. I could hold his hand like this and no one would judge or think he was with me out of pity. I could be with him like this and not have to care about anyone else or their thoughts. This was private and intimate with nothing stopping it. It was an anxiety inducing feeling, but at the same time, the excitement and rush of happiness kept me moving with him with each note flowing in the room around us.

_I can hear your heart beating, I can hear that sound._

He definitely enjoyed himself as the song played on, the faintest blush covering his cheeks and his body visibly relaxing. In his eyes was a softness that wasn’t normally there, but for the time being, in that moment, where we were in our own world and own space with no one else there to observe or to judge, it felt perfect. As much as his warmth from earlier freaked me out, this felt right. This was the time for him to care about me and be as close as possible, when I wasn’t just dragged out of room from a fight.  
  


There was a change in the way Levi looked at me as the chorus rang on a second time, and I felt his hands leave my own. For just a second, I could feel a bubble of panic threaten to expand and burst with my earlier thoughts of things going wrong, but it faded away the second he wrapped his arms around my neck instead. His chest was pressed against mine enough that I could feel his heart beating in his chest, and my own began to pound harder and harder as he spread his wings a little more, pulling them around me. The white one didn’t quite reach all the way around from the awkward breaks and bends in it, but that only made it more flawless in my eyes. He was alive, and he was perfect.  
  


_And the way that gravity pushes on everyone, on everyone._

What shocked me the most about our closeness that night was the exact moment that he leaned up closer to me, enough that I could feel and hear his breath hitch and stop when he kissed me, this time without a doubt in his mind on whether or not it was right.  
_  
_ _On everyone…_

 


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the formatting of chapters eighteen and nineteen last update ;o; apparently Ao3 switched the order three times before it let me keep it as is.
> 
> also, this is another double update so twenty and twenty one were posted ! make sure you're on the right chapter (and yes, this note is at the beginning of both). o:

The boundaries we set in the weeks before then flew out the window without much of a second thought. We both fell back onto my bed after that, Levi straddling my hips, my hands tangled in his hair. He let his hands trail under my shirt and up my chest, his breathing growing heavy and body growing warmer. His mouth was hot against my own, and I didn’t hesitate in letting him pull off my shirt, his own coming off a minute later.

Everything was rushed, but I couldn’t bring myself to mind it. I was still in pain from earlier, of course, but to hear every needy sound from Levi and feel every bit of contact and see all of the want in his eyes… I managed to forget that I was even in pain in the first place. I was only capable of drowning myself in the pleasure he was giving me.

Levi was perfect. His face was flushed and I could hear him panting and I never wanted someone more in my life. I wanted to touch him more, I wanted to see more of him, I wanted  _ him  _ and all of him, and the feeling was overwhelming in a way I wanted.

Any rational thought that I had at the time was gone the second he rolled his hips down into mine. I would have to be deaf not to hear the lewd sound that left my own mouth, much to my own embarrassment. 

I think I would’ve continued on with him if the tug he made at my jeans didn’t pull me back into realisation of our situation. I was half dressed, turned on, and obviously still looked black and blue from my encounter with Jean earlier in the night. We were on top of each other, ready to get fully undressed, even after all of that.

“Wait, wait, hold the fuck up, Levi. What are we  _ doing?  _ We were just doing the deep talk thing and- and- oh my fucking hell. What are we? Friends or people in complicated, weird friend-relationships don’t do shit like this. You need to stop.” I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath, trying to calm my breathing down from the prior panting. I didn’t need to look at myself to feel the heat radiating off of my face or even more so the rest of my body. Levi looked wrecked, with his hair already ruffled and his face such a beautiful shade of red, and I needed to snap out of it quick because everything needed to stop fast enough for me to breathe.

“You’re… right.”

“Yeah, I’m right. What the fuck was that? What happened to the whole ‘let’s not kiss because the time at that party was awful and not fully sober or thought out’? And would you seriously let that carry out right now?  I mean, dammit, Levi.” I moved from under him, got up from the bed, and grabbed my shirt that was carelessly thrown to the side. I pulled it back on, uncaring of whether or not my wings got caught under it and took another deep breath to calm down the racing of my heart and smother any of the arousal that was left.

I paced around the room for a minute or so, watching Levi pull his own shirt back on from the corner of my eye. It was tense, stressful. I didn’t want him near me, but I wanted him so impossibly close at the same time that it hurt. Everything hurt, and I had a headache from the hurricane of thoughts whipping through my mind.

The room was silent for a while after that, as expected. I sat back down on the bed next to him, keeping distance between us. I didn’t have the slightest idea of how much time passed before we even did so much as look at each other. I was the first to speak up, after trying for far too long to think of anything to say to him.

“Just… not right now. I don’t mind kissing you or… or doing whatever else, but right now, I can’t do that. Tonight is too much.”

“I understand... I’m sorry.” Some of the distance between us closed. It wasn’t enough for me to feel the warmth of him against my body, but I was glad about it. I didn’t need to feel any more of him in any sense until I could calm myself down.

I’m not sure how much longer the silence lasted past there. It felt like it dragged on for at least an hour, though I didn’t bother finding my phone or any other clock to actually check. I’m sure seeing how late in the night it was would only add onto my stress.

Silence didn’t feel like the solution to everything either. Keeping all of our thoughts to ourselves would only make matters worse. With nothing better to do, I started up the wing conversation again. I wanted to get it all out in one night instead of dragging it out for weeks. I always preferred to rip off the bandaid than ease it off.

"It's like... it's like being born with half of an arm or a leg missing, Levi. I only have half of this wing, and it can't do anything for me. It's useless for flying, and it's not something I can cover up. I am disabled, and as long as I live, people are going to remind me of that and treat me differently because of it."

"You've been living your whole life letting that disability hold you back. Why don't you let go already?" I stared at him in silence. He took that as his cue to go on.

"I might not be the best one to talk on this since I covered up my problems for years. But. You can't live your entire life in fear, Eren. The only reason I don't regret covering my wing up is because it made it easier to forget what I spent so much time worrying about. Life is easier when you don't constantly focus on what's been keeping you from enjoying it. You’ve spent the past eighteen, almost nineteen, years of your life focusing on the downsides of living. You need to let go already. You’ve always been ‘chained’ to that damn swingset of yours when all you need to do is take your hands off of it."

I continued sitting in silence for a while after that. He wasn’t wrong about any of what he said, and the more I let the thought sit there with me, the more I saw the truth in it. The truth hurt, far more than I ever thought it would.

There were plenty of times that I passed up on an opportunity because of my wings. I missed high school dances, I missed parties, I missed time I could’ve spent with friends and family. I lost out on the chance to go so much further in life. Of course, I was still young and had plenty of other things coming for me in the future, but Levi was right. Behind me was close to nineteen years of my life that I wouldn’t be able to get back.

“Didn’t want you to have an existential crisis here, Eren. Are you alright?” Levi rested a hand on my shoulder, concern beginning to bloom over his face. I nodded in response to him and gave him what I hoped looked like a reassuring smile.

“That was… a lot to think about, is all.”

Levi hummed in reply to me and laid back on the bed. I curled up next to him, letting my left wing drape over me like a blanket. He didn’t hesitate in reaching out to it, his fingers brushing over the feathers in one fluid motion.

“So… what are we? You didn’t answer me earlier.” We never defined our relationship before then, save for the word ‘complicated’. What we had was defined as ‘undefined’. I didn’t want us to be some undefined, complicated mess. I wanted Levi to be something more than what I was unsure of. I couldn’t let him be an uncertainty like everything else in my life.   
  


“Boyfriends?” He murmured, sending a confused gaze in my direction.   
  


I muttered the word almost inaudibly to myself, felt it roll off of my tongue, vibrate in my throat, fade into the air. It sounded odd to hear it come from me, knowing the situation at hand, but it felt calming, in a way. Levi was something to me that I could define.   
  


“Boyfriends… That’s what we are.”   
  


The tension from that night seemed to lift considerably after that. I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, and so did he, but with someone else carrying half the weight, it didn’t feel so bad. There was no reason to try to carry everything on my own when I had someone like Levi standing next to me at all times.   
  


When he finally moved close to me again, I accepted the touch. Nothing that I would deny or push away, with the right amount of comfort to keep me upright. All he did was wrap an arm around my waist, and yet that little bit of contact meant the world to me for right then.   
  


I think there ended up being more silence between us that night than there ever was at any time before. Even on the quiet, lazy days in our dorm room, I could talk to him about assignments or ask him what to draw or make small talk about the new book he was reading. This was different. It didn’t seem like there was any sort of conversation that we could pull up from that, but it still felt as if the blank space there should be filled. Of course, between going back to the deep discussion on our fears and something lighter, I chose the latter option.   
  


“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” I said to him. He immediately raised an eyebrow, taking a moment to process what I said before he spoke.   
  


“That’s from Winnie the Pooh.”    
  


“Yeah, it is.”   
  


“You love children’s stories just as much as I do, hm, Eren?”   
  


“Oh hush, I know I do. But good to hear you admit to loving kid’s stories finally. It’s not just ‘an appreciate for family’ whatever, is it?” He huffed and rolled his eyes at me, crossing his arms over his chest in a nearly childish manner. Banter like that always seemed to lighten the mood when we needed it most.    
  


“Fine, not just an appreciation.”   
  


“Ha!”   
  


“Eren, I will literally throw you off the bed if you don’t shut up. Don’t test me.”   
  


I knew he wasn’t kidding. Who knew it would be so easy to suddenly fall silent? He seemed pretty satisfied with my quietness and wrapped an arm back around my waist, easing me closer to him until our bodies were pressed flush against each other.   
  


Once again, we fell silent. I was glad it wasn’t the same silence as earlier, with this one far less tense. I hadn’t bothered with my phone and didn’t know the time, but feeling how tired I was seemed to be a good enough indicator of how late in the night it was. With the warmth of Levi’s body against my own and the gentle quietness in the room, I started to drift off into the embrace of sleep, at least until Levi started talking in a low voice.   
  


“I couldn’t tell you because… I didn’t want to die alone. Death is already fucking scary, but it’s worse knowing that you could die without anyone knowing what happened to you or caring about it.”   
  


“Did you feel like no one would ever like you for your wings too?” His response took a moment.   
  


“Yeah. I thought I would never have what anyone wanted.”   
  


“At least you have what I want.” Levi moved back to look at me, his eyebrows furrowing into a deep crease on his forehead.    
  


“How? I lied to you for months, and I have th-”   
  


“Just  _ look  _ at who you’re talking to, Levi. I understand. All I’ve wanted was someone to understand me and love me for me instead of treating me like I’m a monster for my wings…. You just happened to be that person by some random, insane amount of luck. Everything to do with us has been luck.”   
  


“Luck?”   
  


“Yeah, luck. It was some crazy chance for me to have you as my roommate when there’s hundreds of other guys in this building that I could’ve been with. It’s only luck that the one person I share a room with, out of literal  _ hundreds,  _ has the same condition that I have. It’s luck that the one person I share a room with and have the same condition as happens to share my classes because they line up for the first two years of college. This is all some crazy story plot, Levi, I swear.” I let out a long sigh. Levi pulled me even closer to himself and wrapped an arm around me, until his hand was brushing over my wing.   
  


“Then I guess I have to be the luckiest guy on the planet if I met you.”   
  


There were only three seconds of silence before I heard his muffled chuckle from how red my face managed to get. If there was anything that I knew about Levi, it was that he never got any less smooth in the months of talking to him.   
  


I was glad he was able to lighten the mood like that. So much heaviness was put onto us in a day. I reached for my phone to check the time, only to find out that it was already two in the morning. There was no way in hell I was going to survive class running off of a few hours of sleep again. Usually, it was because I forgot about an essay and was up until the ungodly hours of the morning with coffee and energy drinks to finish it and turn it in before it wasn’t counted for a grade anymore. Staying up until the early morning from emotional exhaustion wasn’t my idea of a fun way to be awake.   
  


“Any other insecurities you want to put out on the table while we’re at it? I’m not going to sleep at this rate anyway.”   
  


“No, I don’t have anything else. What time is it?” I showed him my phone and watched the life drain from his face. “Are you fucking serious?”   
  


“Well, I didn’t magically change the time on my phone in the two seconds I had it out, now did I?”   
  


“Smartass.”   
  


“Learned from the best.” I deserved the shove he gave me for that one. Levi rolled out of the bed a minute later to change, and for once, he stayed in the room. I would be lying if I said I didn’t watch the entire time, since I had the chance to. I didn’t make it obvious that I was staring and made a point to change into my own nightwear to distract myself, but I’m sure he still noticed a new set of eyes on him.   
  


Despite what I’d thought before, he was my type, in a way. Silky black hair, lean frame, sleek wings, and sharp grey eyes. The piercings only grew more attractive to me, especially when I found out a little earlier in the night that he had a tongue one too. I already thought I had a type before meeting him, but he found a way to change my mind.   
  


He turned off the lights on the way over to our bed. I let him curl up as close as he wanted to me. As silence filled the room and drowsiness settled over us, I made a point to speak up once last time before he could fall asleep.   
  


“Mm, Levi?”

“Hm?”   
  


“I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thank you sooo much for all of the feedback. <3 i'm surprised i've gotten this much done this month with midterms next week because the weight of all my essays has been crushing me aha. but lord, i'm happy.
> 
> i really don't know what to say. c': i love you all.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait lol. more on that later.

We agreed on a lot of things together after that night, on what to do with him, with me, and our relationship. Levi decided not to make an effort to use the dye for his wing anymore, but he wanted to keep his prosthetic on for the sake of keeping his feathers held up from the ground and safe from harm. He would take it off when we were alone in the dorm or when Hanji was around, but aside from that, it would stay on at all times. Despite how uncomfortable it was to keep on for long periods of time, there were benefits to it that he didn’t want to lose for the sake of showing off his true self.

It wasn’t an easy decision for him to go without the aid of his dye the first morning; the anxiousness and anticipation of doing such a thing kept us both awake even after getting so few hours of sleep the night before. Before going to class, we both went to see Hanji together, at least to give them some sort of head’s up before anyone else knew about our situation. They’d already gotten involved in our relationship enough, for both good and bad reasons, and it only felt right to tell them when they were the one to build Levi’s prosthetic and help him out with his wing in the first place.

When we made it to Hanji’s dorm and knocked on the door, luckily without anyone stopping us on the way, their first reaction was to smile at our presence when they saw us. It wasn’t a shock to hear the usual greeting shrivel and die in their throat when the sight caught up with their thoughts. I had a feeling that would happen a few more times before the day ended, much to my dismay.

“What happened to you, Eren? And Levi, your… wing?” Hanji paused for one more moment before dragging us both into their room.

As usual, the room was cluttered with random objects lying in any place there was space for them to be; I never expected that to change. Armin was sitting on the bed, and I watched the moment where his eyes widened in what looked like horror and then shock, moving from me to Levi. He seemed paler than usual, too.

Hanji moved with Armin to one side of the bed, gesturing for both of us to sit down across from them. I made enough room for Levi to sit with me, dreading the conversation regardless of its importance.

The next half hour went by with the two of us explaining the current situation. I went on about the fight with Jean, and Levi filled in every gap that I wasn’t able to recall. The entire time, Hanji and Armin watched us with interest and concern, not saying a word. I realised that I wasn’t fond of those two being silent.

Both Levi and I hesitated when it came down to saying anything about our relationship status, but a few of the details from the dorm were enough for them to figure it out. Everything we had to say ended on that note. A nearly uncomfortable wave of silence passed by before Hanji spoke up in reponse, a serious expression on their face.

“Just… make sure you know what you’re doing, Levi. And come to me if anything ever happens to you or Eren, alright? Whether it’s about your prosthetic or not, I’m going to be here for you.” Levi muttered a thanks in response, and although it was quiet, I could tell by the look on his face that he meant it.

We didn’t stay for too long after that, knowing there was only so much time before class was supposed to start. Hanji stayed with Armin for a while longer, but I knew I would see them again within the hour anyway, given the fact that we shared that class.

Though it took a little more time than necessary, the two of us went back to the dorm together to collect our things. I had a feeling he could sense my hesitation at the thought of being separated, so it was easier on the heart for us to go together. Afterwards was the next couple hours of class- and the attention that came with that- before we could finally be in private, alone in the dorm with each other again.

I was glad to not see Jean on the way back, but Mikasa was a brick wall that Levi and I couldn’t walk through. At the time, I didn’t want to run into her, though I knew I would have to have the talk about it sooner or later. Getting it through with while Levi was still present was the easiest way.

“What the hell happened to you, Eren?” Mikasa nearly trampled Levi while coming to check on me, but her hands were gentle when she rested them on my face. Her thumb brushed over one of the bruises on my cheek, slow and soft enough to not make it hurt.

“Uh… Jean happened. I-it’s no big deal. Le-”

“Did you call the police? Or let the school know? That dou-”

“Mikasa, _stop_ , it’s fine. Levi took care of everything. I promise.”

“Still. He shouldn’t even be allowed around here after what he did to you.” I was relieved to at least hear her voice soften and see the more sympathetic expression cross over her face. She never dropped her hands from my face, but it was nice to see the rest of her relax.

“You’re okay though, right?”

“I’m fine. Nothing was broken; I only have a couple bruises here and there.” Without much warning, Mikasa pulled me into a hug, her face resting in the crook of my neck. I didn’t hesitate in wrapping my arms around her shoulders in return, squeezing her tight against my body.

There were times that I thought Mikasa was pushy. She never seemed to mind chastising me for doing something wrong or trying to tell me how to fix my mistakes, even if they were too minor to be bothered with. Sometimes, she was more strict with me than my own parents were, combined. On some days, I was more annoyed than thankful for how much she wanted to protect me. For once, though, I couldn’t be bothered to push her away and accepted the care she gave me. She always did mean well, in the end.

She moved away from me a minute later to take a closer look at my face, once again brushing her fingers over the bruises along my cheeks and arms.

“You helped Eren?” Mikasa finally decided to pay some attention to Levi, an eyebrow raised up in question. She did a once-over of him at the same time, her expression shifting into something I couldn’t read. “Wait, what’s with your wing? I know I don’t see you that often, but…”

“Yeah, I know. Decided it’d be better not to be a coward, show off the real wing. I don’t need to hide when Eren is right there.”

Mikasa was oddly quiet for a minute. I expected her to say something rude, let out a sarcastic comment, roll her eyes and tell him to stop messing with me. What I didn’t expect was her to put a hand on his shoulder and see respect form between them for the first time since they met.

She didn’t say much else after that. All she did was give her goodbyes, tell us both to be safe instead of just me, and go about her day.

That seemed to be all that happened that day, at least  from what was eventful. Levi and I went back to the dorm that afternoon with a lot less worries than we had at the start of the day. There wasn’t much work to do for class, so it was more than alright to spend the evening with each other, reading books, listening to music, and enjoying each other’s company.

Kisses had grown more common between us in the time that passed. They were always slow and soft, never escalating, when we were laying in bed together like that evening. I found out Levi liked chaste kisses in the mornings and nights, while waking up and going to sleep. He never seemed to mind the kisses to cheeks and foreheads either, and I was glad to see it become more routine and casual than forced.

Even aside from our own personal improvements, Levi started to do better on his own. In the first week of him going around without dye, there was an entire spectrum of reactions. Some people stared at us more often than they used to, knowing I had some relation to him, and other people who paid attention to him before completely started to ignore him. A lot of people thought that he purposely dyed his wing white, just to give me some sort of validation or reassurance. It only took until the end of the second day for Levi to stop caring about the people who called him a fake for doing what he thought was best.

As the weeks passed by and February came to an end, the two of us got less attention, at least while we stayed on campus and away from the rest of the city. The bruises began to fade from my face, arms, and chest, and people grew more accustomed to seeing another male with two different coloured wings for once.

There wasn’t a time that Levi let me wander off on my own anymore, even if it was to see a friend. It was less anxiety-inducing for both of us to stick together and reduce the risk of anything happening without the other nearby. There were situations where it seemed okay enough for the two of us to go our separate ways, but if it could be helped, we were attached at the hip at any place or time on the campus.

Levi was even by my side when I decided to go visit Marco for the first time in ages. Most times, unless I was with Armin, it was a better idea to not see him for the sake of Jean possibly being around. With Levi, though, I couldn’t bring myself to worry as much about whether or not I was going to run into him.

It’d already been weeks, not too far from a month, since the incident, and I hadn’t seen Jean nor Marco in that time. I felt it was about time to see at least Marco after all the passing weeks. He wasn’t the one to do anything wrong.

With a knock on the door, I waited for Marco to let us in. It didn’t take long for him to swing the door open, looking at me and giving me the same, warm smile he always had on his face. It looked like he hadn’t gotten out of bed all too long ago, and he seemed more relaxed than usual, even when his eyes wandered over to Levi’s wings.

“Come on in. I haven’t seen you two in a while.” Marco swung the door open a little more and walked back in, sitting on his bed.

The room seemed a little more clean than the other times I came to visit. Textbooks and binders and stacks of notecards still piled high, but nothing was in disarray. Even with the extra blankets on Marco’s bed, not a thing was out of place. It felt more comfortable and warm when I walked in and settled down on Armin’s bed across the room.

Our conversation started off flat, the usual ‘how are you’s and semi-awkward, forced smiles. Levi didn’t say a word to him at first, and it took effort to get into the flow of talking with Marco after so long. A while passed by before all of us were able to sit back and talk like it hadn’t taken forever to get there in the first place.

We went on about our classes and the more boring things going on before Levi and I’s relationship was brought onto the table. I didn’t mind that he was the one to tell Marco we were finally together. That reminded me of Marco’s relationship and the fact that Jean wasn’t in the room, for once.

“Where’s Jean, anyway? I haven’t seen him around much lately.”

“Oh, you didn’t hear?” A short pause. “Jean was expelled.”

“What? He’s seriously gone from the school?”

“Yeah. The security footage caught him somehow, with the right cameras in the right place, and… he was expelled. He’s banned from the campus too from what he told me. They don’t take violence lightly around here.”

I took a moment to process what Marco said and everything that it implied. Jean was gone, and he wasn’t allowed anywhere close to me as long as I stayed on the campus. Somehow, with enough luck on my side, he was caught in the act of beating me and wasn’t allowed anywhere near Sina.

The realisation came to me that Levi would’ve gotten suspended if he decided to fight Jean, so it was probably purposeful for him to decide against fighting on campus of all places, in fear of the consequences. I had a feeling that the end result of that night wouldn’t be the same if it were to happen anywhere outside of the school.

“And… you’re okay? You two have been dating since I’ve known you so...” Marco hesitated for a second. He started slowly, seeming as if he were carefully picking out every word to say to me.

“I am. I’ll admit: I’m sad that I lost my boyfriend. But, I deserve better than some asshole that beats people up for being different. I thought the person I loved was better than that, but I thought wrong. He’s not the one for me and… that’s alright, Eren. I value morals more than one love interest I had.” He nodded, and I could tell it was more to reassure himself that everything was going to be alright than it was to tell me the same.

I couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like for him to hear the news, either from Jean himself before he was gone or someone else after the fact. There was no way I would be able to take the news of Levi being expelled lightly, especially for beating someone in an empty classroom for no good reason. Of course, I couldn’t see him in that particular scenario, but the thought of it alone made my stomach twist.

The conversation grew more casual again after that, at least. We talked about everything that happened in the last couple months that I never had the time to discuss with him. Marco was warm and welcoming as always, and it didn’t take very long for Levi to warm up to him either. He was more than fine joining the conversation, body relaxed and the smallest smile pulling up on his lips. I still couldn’t understand how Marco ended up with someone like Jean, even though  they broke up in the end. Even if there were things unspoken about him, things that I would never know about, those nice qualities that he didn’t show to anyone else, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea. Any and all faith that I had in him thanks to Marco evaporated months ago, right with the little remaining self worth that I had.

Levi and I stuck around for the next hour or so after that before going back to our own dorm, leaving Marco to do his work in peace. I was reminded of the fact that it was hard to be in a bad mood after talking with Marco. Even Levi commented on how nice he was on the way back to the room. I hoped that they would become a little closer, with a bit of a push to become friends from both me and Armin.

The rest of the night for the two of us was spent laying down on our bed, talking about everything and nothing. Next to half-hearted insults about each other’s odd interests, I think the times that Levi would talk about whatever came to mind were my favourite. He had this distant look on his face, eyes focused on nothing but the ceiling or a wall. He would only pause to hear my input or move places, but aside from that, it was a nice change to hear him talk on endlessly. I wasn’t sure whether it was the sound of his voice, the things he talked about, or the air about him when he talked on, but everything made the experience great to me.

Every once in awhile, he would push the conversation onto me instead, urging me to talk about whatever I wanted instead. He’d complain that he was ‘going on about himself too much’, but I tried not to protest his complaints and went with it. A beat of silence passed by as a cue before I spoke up.

“You know, I’ve never actually seen the ocean before.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, ‘really’,” I laughed, “I never got the chance to. I always thought it would be cool to do it someday.”

“Then we’ll go to the ocean. For your birthday. It’s in the middle of spring break, so we’ll have time to take a road trip there.”

“You’re serious?”

“You were serious about going somewhere for my birthday. I want to do something special for you too. We’ll take my car, go out to the east coast, have a nice time.” I blinked at him. He was dead serious about going there. My heart raced at the mere thought of going somewhere so far with him. I was going to propose a trip over some distant, future summer, but I wouldn’t reject an offer of a couple weeks ahead.

“Yeah. I… would love that. Let’s go out to the ocean together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school is... killing me. and absorbing all the time i have to write and i'm sorry for that. lord knows how much i've ranted about that on my Wattpad. i'm taking yet another class instead of summer vacation, and i'll be taking a grand total of nine classes starting in August.
> 
> writing to me is a getaway, stress relief, whatever else you want to call it, but school takes priority over anything else.
> 
> i'm taking three years worth of school within one year, every year, and that... doesn't leave much time for this. this year, i'm going to be a junior in high school, taking senior classes, while working on my sophomore year of college.
> 
> that aside, thanks for the support this book has gotten !! ;o; i don't even know what to say about the amount of kudos/ comments/ subscriptions/ everything.
> 
> but i have about 12 or so pages done for chapters twenty three through twenty seven, along with the epilogue and a bonus smut chapter. book in total is going to have about thirty/ thirty one chapters. if school doesn't try to kill me, i'm going to continue getting those done and posted in the next month.
> 
> thanks for not completely abandoning me in the last 1/3 of a year. <3


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

The last two weeks before our trip seemed excruciatingly long. Time didn’t seem to want to move any faster, with classes dragging on and assignments going on for even longer. I counted down the days until we could leave, starting from the first day we decided on going, but counting down only seemed to make the amount of time left go even slower.

Levi made a point to tell Hanji about the planned trip, and I made sure to tell Marco, Armin, and Mikasa about it too, within the first week of sorting out details. They all seemed to be happy for us, for different reasons. Mikasa saw it as an opportunity to find writing inspiration. Armin knew how much I always wanted to venture there and asked for pictures. Marco, sweetly enough, was happy that I could take a break after the last few, hectic weeks. Hanji said something about a lovers’ vacation that Levi didn’t want to elaborate further on. I didn't want to know the rest of what they said.

Those two weeks before the trip happened to be uneventful. Classes didn’t assign too much work, but it was enough to keep stress away and boredom lingering. Levi and I both spent most of our time in our dorm, when I wasn’t talking to Armin, Mikasa, or Marco, and he wasn’t occupied with whatever Hanji was up to. It turns out other people didn’t happen to take up much time in that couple of weeks.

Marco and I found a new kind of closeness after Jean was expelled, but we didn’t spend all too much time together during that gap. I hoped that we could grow closer after spring break was over and everyone was focused on something other than a break from people at the campus.

Though it wasn’t as soon as we planned, I finally managed to go out with Armin for lunch a few days before we were set to leave, after the last week and a half of only having short conversations here and there, as I did with nearly everyone else. He was right about our lack of time we spent together in the last few weeks, even months, so we finally set a time on the weekend to catch up with each other alone.

We both took Armin’s old, silver Volvo to the nearest diner. I’d already been there once with Levi back in December, but Armin never went. It was an 80’s style place, with red and white booths and checkered tile flooring. The staff there were all nice, and the food was even better. All of the meals were basic, simple, but the quality was good enough that I kept wanting to go back. If I had the money to go as often as I wanted, I’m sure the staff would’ve already learned my name.

It wasn’t too long of a drive, luckily. Armin pulled up to a parking spot near the front, turning off the car and getting out. I followed with him, making my way inside the restaurant. The place was far warmer than it was outside, the crisp March air turning warm when we made it in. I found my usual booth in one corner of the diner, sitting down on one side while Armin took the other.

Neither of us talked until the waiter came by with our drinks and we already took our orders, the chatter of other people and music playing over the speakers filling the atmosphere until then.

“So… what’s been new for you, Eren?”

“The trip, of course. Trying to relax now that Jean isn't around. Uh… not having to deal with Mikasa’s angry rants about Levi anymore.” I managed a light chuckle, stirring my drink around with the straw.

“Right, didn’t she finally make friends with him? Mikasa is so stubborn; I’m surprised she finally decided it wasn’t worth it to kill him.”

“God, I know right?” The conversation was easy after that. It wasn’t much work talking about Mikasa, given how much we both knew about her. Of course, there wasn’t anything too gossipy about what we said, but it felt almost secretive to talk about her without her being around to hear it.

Only when the food came around did we switch off of the topic, Armin asking about my trip instead.

“You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Taking one of our cars to my mother’s place tonight, then heading out to the coast tomorrow morning. We were going to drive straight through, but my parents wanted me to visit for at least a little while.” Armin only nodded in response, a little too focused on the food to say anything. I could see his eyes light up with the first bite, which seemed to make him remember something, given the look on his face.

“Oh, if she gives you any muffins, make sure to bring some back to me. You know I love those blueberry muffins, but you never give me any when she sends you with some.” There wasn’t any avoiding Armin’s accusing stare when I knew he was right. I wasn’t ever willing to sacrifice the muffins I was given. It wasn’t difficult for me to finish eating all of them within the first twenty four hours after I got a batch.

I made a point to ask her to make a few extra for Armin that I wouldn’t be able to eat. Maybe Mikasa would appreciate some of her own too. Despite the fact that they saw my parents less often than I did, I never had any doubt that they loved my them both almost as much as I did, if not even more. There were still times I forgot that they were only friends instead of blood family.

“Fine, fine. I’ll probably stop there on the way back anyway. I can pick up some muffins for you and Mikasa that I won’t eat.”

“Good, I’m holding you to that.” I made sure he could see my eye roll while he picked up another bite of his food, giving me time to eat a little bit more of my own.

“Anyway, enough about me. How have you and Hanji been doing?” There wasn’t anything I could do to stop my grin when I saw the sheepish smile on his lips and the bright shade of red on his cheeks. That was a sign of good news.

“Oh, um, we’re together. There was a kiss and a discussion and… that happened.”

“Holy shit, congrats. I was rooting for you, Armin.”

“Thank you,” a genuine smile spread across his face, “I’ve wanted things to work out for a while now. I just didn’t have the guts like Hanji does. Everything about them is so… over the top. It made it a little hard for me to say anything for the longest time.”

“Wait, aren’t you asexual?” Armin looked over to me and nodded, the smile never leaving his face.

“I am. I’m asexual, but that doesn’t mean I’m not romantically interested in anyone. I would date anyone, Hanji included, but I’m not ripping off their pants anytime soon. Romantic and sexual attraction are different, you know.”

“That’s… fair. Didn’t think of it that way before.”

“Most people don’t. A lot of people just throw all their feelings together and call it ‘love’ without thinking that there’s different parts. It’s alright to not think of them all together.” He had a fair point. There wasn’t much for me to say for a moment, eating and taking in everything he said. I couldn’t object to any of it.

“Yeah, you have a point. I never lumped whatever feelings for Levi I had all together, but I damn well didn’t think of them as separate things until now.” Armin seemed pleased to teach me something else about myself. He always had a tendency to teach me something new that I wouldn’t have thought of before, on my own. The best part, to me, was that he was always genuinely happy about teaching me something too; he never did it to prove a point or make fun of anyone else. It was always in those learning moments that I remembered that Armin was a good person at heart.

We didn’t talk about much in particular after that. Whatever came to mind was a good enough subject: the professors we had, the weather outside, the threat of finals now that our last long break was soon to come and go. I found out Armin was staying at a little apartment with Mikasa for the summer, while they both worked and split the cost of rent. He explained that he wasn’t ready for another few months of staying with his family. Knowing how they treated him, I understood why.

Another hour passed by with small talk before we got up, paid, and left the diner. Armin said his thanks to both the workers and me, more than satisfied with the food at the little place. The drive back to Sina was spent in peaceful silence, and I knew that our time spent there would be a memory I wouldn’t forget for awhile. I never needed interaction with someone to be extravagant or over the top for it to be memorable and sweet to look back on in the future. Spending an afternoon at a diner with my close friend was a good enough memory to look back on.

Armin and I went our separate ways when we made it back. He had to go do something important somewhere, and I wanted to see Levi.

The dorm was quiet when I walked in, Levi listening to music and typing something up on his laptop. I made the assumption that he was busy writing and left him to it. I grabbed a book from beside the bed, sat beside him, and let him work in peace while I read.

It was a couple hours before he stopped typing, seemingly satisfied with what he worked on. I watched him stretch his arms above his head, take a look down at his work, and close his laptop for the time being.

“Ready to head out?”

“Mm, yeah, as long as you’re done whatever you were working on. I didn’t want to bother you while you were busy. You looked into it.”

“You could’ve. It was just a bit of my own writing I wanted to work on. School’s been making it harder to get progress in.” I gave him only a light hum of acknowledgment, knowing all too well what that felt like. I tried not to think too much about my own works I’d abandoned while focusing too much on school. There was something a little too sad about it for me to think about in that moment.

Instead, both Levi and I focused our attention on getting everything we needed double checked and packed up. There wasn’t much, overall, but both of us had full arms on the way to the campus parking lot. We would be staying at my parents’ house for the night, taking a full day road trip, and spending a night or two at the hotel. As long as there was enough clothing and whatever else to make it through the next couple days, that’s all that mattered.

We packed up all our belongings in Levi’s car, starting the drive to my parents’ house late in the evening. The two hour drive didn’t seem too long with music and him nearby, and before we knew it, the house was within view.

My mother greeted us at the door with a smile, motioning for us to come in. I didn’t see my father’s car out on the curb, so I assumed he wasn’t home from work yet. There was a chance I’d have to say hello to him on the way back from the trip.

The two of us slipped off our shoes, and my mother already started making small talk, the smile in her voice clear.

“Levi, it’s been a while. Christmas, right? How are you doing?”

“Good, Mrs. Jaeger.”

“Oh please, Carla is fine. Don’t make me feel old.” I left the two of them alone to talk while taking everything up to my bedroom. There wasn’t much we brought in from the car: some clothes for overnight and to change into the next morning, and some supplies to take a quick shower before we left. I set my own clothes out on my bed before walking back down the stairs to both Levi and my mother.

They were both sitting down at the kitchen table, already deep into whatever conversation. I could tell Levi’s smile was genuine with the way he spoke to my mother, shoulders relaxed and tension completely gone from the rest of his posture. My mother showed the same body language, but it meant more to me that Levi could feel comfortable with my family.

I pulled out an empty chair and sat across from both of them, listening in on their talk. It had something to do with the ocean and what my mother was interested in seeing and hearing about when we returned. Levi added his own input, both of them deeply invested in the things they were excited about. Of course, I let both of them go on wordlessly. There was something soothing about listening to them go on for a while.

My mother apologised for leaving me out of the conversation, though I didn’t mind in the least. We didn’t talk for much longer anyway, realising the time and how many hours we had to sleep before leaving in the morning. On that note, my mother sent us both up to my room with a sweet smile and a wish of good luck.

Levi went to the bathroom to get himself ready and changed, and I stayed in my own room, slipping on more comfortable pants and a loose shirt. I once again noticed how empty my room was, but I wasn’t bothered knowing that Levi was going to take up some of that space with me.

I was organising my things when Levi walked back in, shutting the door behind him, and climbing into my bed. He let out a heavy sigh that made me turn my attention towards him.

“Stop worrying about the trip and all the things we have. Just get in bed with me already. I don’t sleep well without you.”

I didn’t have to think twice about crawling into bed next to him, more than happy to curl up against his stomach until we left for the ocean in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, only three things this author's note so it's short:
> 
> one- go check out @varkdeboys for me. c': i've been editing his works these last few months, so it'd be great if you guys could go look at them. i'm a proud editor.
> 
> two- going through with a smut chapter at the end of the chapter, but it's a bonus chapter so those of you who don't read smut won't miss any plot points. d:
> 
> three- this was a filler because chapters twenty four and twenty five are... 90% complete. to be released later this month. twenty five is already over 5k.
> 
> thank you for all the kudos/ comments/ etc !! it's greatly appreciated. <3


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me if there's any errors !! i got... really tired editing this one over a few times aha.

Levi and I left for our trip early the next morning. We packed our suitcases in the back of his car and started driving right as the sun came up. For once, I was glad I decided to sleep early the night before. I couldn’t afford to be exhausted in the morning, especially considering I’d be the first driver for the trip.

The sun was still rising in the sky by the time we left, the fading pinks and yellows stretching across the horizon. The grass glimmered with morning dew, and the mourning doves sang their songs in the rise. The morning was peaceful, I had to admit. I never was a morning person and always preferred to wake up later in the afternoon if I had the option to do so, but when I was up as early as the birds, I liked watching the sunrise and the world around me come to life.

I wouldn’t deny that the most peaceful part of that morning was watching Levi fall back asleep beside me, though.

Music played though the car, just loud enough for me to hum along with but not enough to wake Levi while he slept. I managed to drive for the first half of the morning, getting us all the way through the next couple of cities and then some. At the first stop for gas and a small meal (where I unfortunately had to wake Levi up), he decided to take over and drive for the other half, changing the music from my indie rock to his electronic instead. I didn’t mind the switch at all, save for the fact that I couldn’t see him sleep any longer.

Soon enough, the more appealing sights around us began to fade in favour of a more drab land. Hills and mountains flattened out to fields, and cars became the occasional tractor far out into the distance. We hadn’t seen another car around us for a fair amount of miles, and the last vehicle to even come close was a semi-truck that took a turn several dozen miles back. Not even a plane bothered to pass overhead.

There was something fascinating about seeing the shift in environment. Not all too long ago were there tall pine trees and weaving roads, birds flying overhead and the distant sight of bodies of water. Here, there was nothing but tan, dead-looking grass and at best, the occasional cloud. Nothing remotely interesting to look at.

I idly noticed that the air in the car wasn’t all the way turned up. Adjusting that was a decent enough priority. I didn’t want to hear the rush of air from opening the window, after all. My seat was leaned back at a comfortable angle, since I was awake for the time. There wasn’t much better for me to do. With the lack of better scenery to watch out the window and the feeling of boredom starting to creep up, I turned to Levi to distract me.

“Hey, we should play ‘I Spy’.” Levi scoffed at my suggestion but humoured me anyway.

“Fine. I spy with my little eye… something that’s beige because everything is fucking _beige_ around here.”

“That tumbleweed?”

“Only one in the trillion we’ve seen.” Levi huffed. I watched his hands grip the steering wheel tighter. I took that as a decent enough cue to stop the game shorter than I wanted to.

“Here, let me take over. You’ve been at this for a while now. You nap, and I’ll drive for the next couple of hours, probably most of the rest of the afternoon.” He didn’t even respond to me while pulling the car over onto the side of the road. I tried to keep up with his pace while he took off his seatbelt, nearly launching himself out of the car and running to the other side. I didn’t even bother getting out and climbed over the centre, adjusting myself until I was sitting in the driver’s seat. There wasn’t much of a break before the car took off again, and on the empty stretch of road ahead of us, I made a point to change the music back to my own.

It wasn’t long before Levi fell back asleep in the passenger side, the seat tilted back and his arms crossed over his chest. I momentarily wondered if he got enough sleep the night before with how easy it was for him to drift off. Even though I knew the only hazard around us was boredom, I kept my eyes off of him and on the bare road instead.

Another few hours passed by in relative silence, save for my music and the hum of the car’s engine. I managed to fill up on gas while Levi was still asleep, and he woke back up two hours after going to sleep to begin with. The scenery hadn’t changed much, save for new road signs and the sun changing positions in the sky to greet the new hour of the day.

He stared out the window after waking up, bobbing his head along to a song of mine he actually enjoyed. It was times like that where I knew he would never admit to liking rock as much as he did, but I could see it in his body language that it grew on him thanks to me. Seeing him enjoy it always gave me a warm feeling, but I could never tell whether it was over the music or over him. Maybe it was both.

“Oh, look, a gas station! First one in a long time, huh. We can get more food.” I slowed the car down and paused the music while we both looked out of his window to take in the sight of something other than brown grass and tumbleweeds. A tiny, rickety gas station stood out in the middle of the field, with nothing else surrounding it but the small building beside the gas pumps. I turned down the road leading to the building, getting a closer look while we approached it. Suddenly, Levi’s voice got deathly serious in the quiet of the car.

“Eren, I swear to fucking Jesus Christ himself that we’re not going into that shady ass gas station. We could go another thousand miles for all I care, but there’s no way in _hell-”_

“No, we’re going.” Before he could object to it any further, I stopped the car, took the key, opened up the door, and climbed out. Levi stared at me in disbelief through the windshield while I began to walk to the entrance of the little store. It wasn’t long before he jumped out of the passenger side seat and ran after me, saying he’d rather be there next to me if I died rather than hiding in a car.

Walking into the place, I started to see why he was reluctant to go in. The lights flickered among the caving in drywall, and I was sure the floor hadn’t seen a mop since the place was first built. The one other person in the shop was an older man standing at the counter. He looked as if he hadn’t moved from that spot in ages. I wouldn’t have been be shocked if he left imprints of his feet in the tile flooring.

Levi stayed next to me the entire time we walked through the aisles, keeping his arm wrapped around my waist. I- and I’m sure Levi- felt the eyes of the man at the counter staring us down the entire time, until we were finally able to grab what we needed. All we took were a few snacks and a pack of gum, not at all wanting to risk the hot dogs rotating on a rack in the back of the store.

I was the first to hesitate on the way over to creepy man at the counter, and Levi wasn’t much better than me after a couple steps. The two of us awkwardly stood there until Levi got the courage to pull me over, cautiously walking over to pay. I dug my wallet out of my coat pocket and took out the little bit of cash I had on me, handing it over to the man standing in front of us. The entire exchange was silent from start to finish.

I’m sure we walked out far faster than necessary. I shoved the bag of food into Levi’s arms, scrambling back into the driver’s side of the car. We still had a quarter tank of gas left, and I had no problem waiting for a couple dozen miles until we found another place to stop that wasn’t the creepy shop.

The silence in the car could’ve been enough for someone to suffocate in. Though, I concluded, I would rather listen to that than Levi’s harsh ‘I told you so’ anyway.

Once we were in a safe enough spot, far away from the creepy gas station, I turned my music back on, both of us more at ease. Even with the rock music playing, I couldn’t miss the ‘I told you so’ from the other side of the car.

Another uneventful two hours. Empty roads, gloomy fields, a lack of clouds in the sky.

A loud ‘bang’ against the windshield drew our attention to an array of feathers on the right side of the car. Only a beat of silence passed before Levi started to yell.

“Did you just hit a bird?!”

“Oh my _fuck,_ I hit a bird, Levi! Holy shit, holy fuck, I’m pretty sure I killed it, this is awful. I’m an animal killer. I fucking killed a bird.”

“You fucking killed a bird, Eren.”

“I fucking killed a bird, Levi.” To my own surprise and against my own will, I started laughing, completely in disbelief over it. My chest started to hurt and tears formed in my eyes, and it was only then that I decided to pull over, Levi looking a little more than concerned for my well being.

“Need me to take over driving?” He asked, with a clear amount of caution, a good minute or two later. I wiped at my eyes and managed a deep breath in.

“Nope, I’m good.” On that note, I got myself together enough to keep driving. My heart didn’t stop racing for a while longer, however.

After that, the drive calmed back down. We found another place to stop for gas and restroom breaks, and the music continued to take place of the non-existent conversation. The window, to my relief, was clean after the run in with the bird. I didn’t have to worry about cleaning up anything during the brief stop we made. Levi almost seemed to be asleep in the seat next to me, if it wasn’t for the fact that his eyes were still open.

The next song on autoplay immediately drew a response from him.

“No, no, no, I _refuse_ to listen to shitty pop music, Eren. You are not Hanji, and you are not going to become Hanji either. I’ll walk all the way to the god damn coast without you if you keep this on. Don’t test me.”

“But who doesn’t like Taylor Swift?”

“I think the only person who _likes_ Taylor Swift is Hanji. Why do you even have this song on here?”

“Oh calm down, Blank Space is the only song of hers that I actually like. I don’t have any more on here. I honestly forgot I even had this song to begin with. You know damn well almost everything I’m into is some form of rock.” His only reply was an indignant huff. He didn’t want to admit that I was right.

If there was anything I learned from that road trip, however, it was that the best way to annoy Levi was singing along to any music he didn’t like. I knew he didn’t mind any of my rock, even if it wasn’t his favourite genre, but he liked it enough to not ask for it be shut off. Pop music, on the other hand, earned me a murderous glint in his eye that I learned I didn’t want to see again.

Only another hour passed before we switched who was driving again, and I got the chance to look out the window without being too focused on the pavement in front of us. Buildings filled in and out of the surroundings, trees being there for a few miles then vanishing. The trees were the last thing to pass by before the land went empty for another couple hours, not even a tumbleweed bothering to pass through.

I nearly fell asleep until the sight of one building flashed by my window. I sat up fast enough to startle Levi, turning around to look out the back window before it disappeared completely from my sight.

“We… we’ve run into one Dairy Queen through this entire stretch of highway. Are there even more in here? Or is it completely barren aside from that one Dairy Queen?”

“As much as I want to say you’re ridiculous, I’m pretty fucking sure there’s only one, at least on this entire stretch of highway. I would look it up, but there’s no cell service out in the middle of Nowhere City, Countryville.” I could hear the held back laugh in Levi’s voice.

“This isn’t funny. There’s nowhere to buy ice cream out here. That’s unacceptable.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll live. We can get some before or after the beach. You won’t die before we get to the hotel.” Levi didn’t need to move for me to see his eye roll.

“Who knows, I just might. What if I had a condition that required me to eat ice cream?”

“No condition in the world would let you eat something as horrid as rocky road ice cream.” I almost shoved Levi before realising we were still in a moving vehicle and resolved in crossing my arms over my chest instead. The car went silent after that.

To our relief and our dismay, it was more than half of the total trip that was spent out in the middle of nowhere, with tumbleweeds and rickety gas stations. Levi complained more than I did about that portion of the trip feeling like it took an eternity to get through. I drove for a while, and we switched who was driving once again, when we saw that there were only a few hours remaining. I let myself sink back into the passenger seat and close my eyes with the setting sun out the window.  
  
The sky was dark with night when I woke back up. Levi was quiet and focused on the road, and it took me a second to even look anywhere but him. It wasn’t like I could even see much out the windows, save for the moon and the streetlights to make the pavement ahead of us a little more visible.

“Hey, where are we now?”

“A couple miles from the hotel we’re staying at. It’s maybe a ten minute drive now.”

“Oh… _oh._ Holy fuck, seriously?” I woke up the rest of the way and sat up as much as I could in the seat, stretching my arms above my head without hitting the roof of the car. My back felt stiff from the hours of staying in that position, but I couldn’t bring myself to care for that moment in time.

“Yep. I got us all the way here while you were doing a great job playing the role of Sleeping Beauty. We can rest up at the hotel and go out to see the water in the morning.”

All I could do in response was nod, which I’d hoped Levi could see out of the corner of his eye. There weren’t any words I had to say that could describe everything I felt all at once. A nod was the best thing to express myself with.

“Last stretch of driving wasn’t too bad, but I’m making you do this portion on the trip back.”

“Fair enough,” I paused, “This road trip was awful though.”

“What was the worst? The fact that we saw one, singular Dairy Queen the entire way, the creepy guy at the gas station, or you killing an innocent bird?” Levi glanced over to me with a smirk, making my own amused smile form.

“‘S not my fault that the bird flew in front of my car. I blame the lack of Dairy Queen establishments for making this trip hell. No human being should go that long without ice cream somewhere on the way.”

“I’m pretty sure the world is just punishing you for liking rocky road ice cream, Eren.”

“I would hit you if you weren’t driving right now.”

“I know you would.”

The rest of the conversation faded off while we made our way to the hotel. We parked not too far from the entrance, unpacked our things from the car, and checked in. I could see it wasn’t the nicest place to stay, definitely within our budget, but it was good enough to stay a couple of nights in.

Our room wasn’t awful either, it turned out. A large, plush looking bed sat on one side, and a decently sized TV sat on the other. I didn’t bother checking out the bathroom or anything else, helping Levi with unpacking before we both climbed into the bed together, eager to get some sleep before the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ocean chapter will be dropped on the 29th, i promise. already completed, along with chapter twenty six. <3 just trying to get these out at a reasonable pace for myself so i don't have to take a break that lasts over a month. o:
> 
> also... victuri one shot to be released on the 15th of this month. stay tuned.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

I woke back up the next morning to Levi lightly shaking my shoulder, saying something about getting up. I took a moment to rub my eyes and stretch, checking the time on the clock sitting on the bedside table. It wasn't all too early in the morning, but if we weren't going to see the ocean, I would've prefered to stay in bed longer.

Levi left me to wake up the rest of the way while he took a shower. I didn't bother taking one myself, knowing I would need to later that day, and opted to change into my swim trunks while waiting for him. He didn't take all too long to get out and get dressed into swim trunks and a tank top of his own.

"Do you want that free hotel breakfast before we go?" I asked.

"No, that shit's terrible most of the time. Bring a couple of the bags of chips we bought on the road. That should be enough. We can eat something better tonight."

We finished packing up a small bag with snacks and sunscreen, towels rolled up at the bottom. The hotel room looked as if it hadn't been touched by the time we left, keys carefully tucked into our bag.

The hallways weren't lit very well, I noticed. With non-tired eyes, it was easier to see that the place wasn't the best to stay at, but as long as it was affordable, I couldn't bring myself to care very much. Walking out the front entrance, however, I had to agree that it would've been a bad idea to eat breakfast at the place.

Levi and I were both silent on the walk to the beach, opting to walk the distance instead of wasting gas. The air was far more humid than I was used to. It didn't come as a shock of course, given that we were close to the ocean during one of the hotter parts of the year, but I wasn't adjusted to the feeling of water clinging to my skin without there being any rain pouring down from the sky. That wasn't a feeling I wanted to experience every day.

About half way through the walk, Levi picked up a conversation. It wasn't much, but it was something to fill the quiet between us, make the sound of sandals and wind and cars in the distance a little less prominent. Only a minute passed by before he mentioned how much he disliked the humidity too, and the discussion was able to take off from there. I sometimes forgot about how similar Levi and I were until he said something we both agreed on.

I was stunned back into silence when we finally walked our way out by the edges of the beach. The sun bounced off the ocean water, making it glimmer as far as the eye could see. There was the whitest sand and the bluest water I'd seen in my life. I felt the heat of the ground under my feet when it sunk past my sandals, but it wasn't enough to burn or make me pull away from it.

The squeeze of Levi's hand brought me back to him and into awareness for a moment, and he raised an eyebrow in a silent gesture to see if I was okay. The most I could do was squeeze his hand in return.

People crowded into large areas of the shoreline, though Levi was still able to point out a spot a distance away for us to settle down. The sounds of shouts and screams, laughter and gossip, all faded to nothing more than background noise by the time we reached that spot. A small family sat a fair distance away, along with a few other single people and groups of friends. We could hear all of them, but it wasn't nearly as loud as it was at the centre where we started off.

Levi and I both found a nice spot on the beach to set our things down, lay out a blanket, and fold up our towels down on it. I barely remembered to put on sunscreen in the haze of anticipation, and Levi put some on himself, albeit with a bit of an argument over it. When everything was set out, I looked back up to the wide expanse of blue in front of me.

I made my way over to the edge of the water slowly, despite the racing of my heart and every impulsive muscle fibre screaming to run straight into the waves and feel them crash against me. I left my sandals abandoned over by the blanket, too eager to feel the water against my feet. I wasn't sure why I hesitated on walking into the water, but when Levi's fingers twined themselves with my own once again, it was no issue for me to walk straight in, not even stopping to look at him until the water hit my waist.

When I looked at him, he was completely distracted. His hair was pushed back from the light breeze, showing more of his face and more of what he was feeling. His eyes were wide while taking everything in, lips apart enough for me to tell he was in shock. I wouldn't miss his expression in that one moment for the world.

There wasn't a downside in the moment he caught me staring, either. Seeing the second someone starts blushing is a feeling that words alone can't describe.

"Do you know how to swim?" I could tell it was a question just to distract me from commenting on the red of his cheeks, but I went along with it anyway, too thankful for being brought there to bother teasing him.

"Yeah. I've been to pools with Mikasa and Armin before. We used to go all the time when we were younger. Do you?"

"Pretty well, actually. Hanji forced me to join the swim team in high school. Guess learning to swim from that had some kind of benefit after all." Levi managed a soft, breathy chuckle, dragging me along further into the water.

The cool waves splashed against my stomach, soaking my skin and leaving a trail of dripping water. I knew the bottom half of my wings were soaked but couldn't bring myself to mind it, the ocean pleasantly cold under the heat of the sun.

Levi looked blissed out next to me. He didn't say anything to me for a while, running his fingers along the surface of the water and taking in the sight around us before diving under the waves. I let myself wade out until the water hit my neck, seeing Levi pop out for just a moment before I completely submerged myself.

Taking in a full, long breath after being under the water felt foreign. It wasn't painful to breathe, nor was it uncomfortable, but there was something almost familiar about the feeling, as if I was already used to the feeling of being surrounded by the salt water and deep, blue darkness. Not being a part of it felt unusual.

I'm not quite sure how long it was that Levi and I were out there, mostly going our separate ways but managing to stay within a close distance of each other. As long as I could see the mismatched wings, I didn't care how far I strayed out from other people. Only when I noticed Levi started to lazily swim back to the shore did I follow after him.

We took enough of a break to eat an entire bag of chips between the two of us, wordlessly watching the other people on the shoreline. I had enough time to take in all the body shapes and sizes, wings fluttering from the backs of every individual. I was taken back to all the years as a little kid, where I would try to find someone who had pink wings, followed by someone with purple, then blue, silver, green. There wasn't a time that I looked at whether that person was tall or short, what gender they were, what eye colour they had, the colour of their skin compared to the feathers they adorned. Bodies were only bodies to me, but wings held some special significance in comparison.

When I was younger, I thought that wings were the only thing that made up a person's worth. I hadn't understood the importance of personality, of their morals, of how they felt about other people's wings. From as far back as I could remember, wings were always deemed the most crucial, essential part of a person.

Even going into Sina, my thoughts hadn't differed all too much. I met people in high school that started to challenge those views, but none of them were life changing revelations for me. Meeting both Levi and Jean, however, gave me a different perspective, for entirely different reasons.

Jean was a harsh reminder that there were people that would be harder on my wings than I was. His wings hadn't been the ugliest I'd seen in my life, but his personality was worse than I imagined. He gave me a reason to believe that some truly could be worse than I'd ever thought before then.

Levi, on the other hand, let me be hopeful. Someone's wings didn't equate to their worth, after all. He was so much more than the words spoken to him, more than what he experienced as a child, far more than his wings had to offer. Sitting on the beach with him, people watching, felt special, meaningful, based solely on the fact that he was there next to me. He didn't need the most perfect wings to give me the best experiences in my life so far.

There wasn't any need to fly above and beyond my limits when I had him.

Levi made a point to put the bag in a trash can across the beach, walking back to me and dragging me into the water soon after. It felt colder after sitting on the warm sand for so long, but I couldn't bring myself to mind it with the sight of the clear waves washing over our feet in a steady rhythm.

The earlier sounds of people around us became a hum in the distance, something I barely paid any mind to. I hadn't thought about anything they could be saying about us or if they even brought any attention towards us. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't able to care so much about whether or not someone was looking at me.

Having Levi next to me took away some of the usual anxiety that I felt. Though I couldn't shake the concern I had for him, it was reassuring knowing that neither of us had to worry about what any bystanders would say. The hours passed by in peaceful quiet, the only threat being the sun beating down on our shoulders, which reminded me—

"Levi, shouldn't you put on some more sunscreen? You'll start to burn, since some of it came off in the water."

"No, I'm fine. I won't get burned."

"You're paler than I am, though. And your shoulders are already starting to turn red." To prove a point, I poked his shoulder, earning an annoyed glare in response, "You'll end up looking like a lobster tomorrow."

"Shut up, I don't need that. Sun block feels gross. Once was enough for the day."

"Fine, fine. At least go splash some water on yourself so you don't cook over here." At that, Levi got up with a grumble, padding his feet across the sand and to the shoreline. He stopped just before the water went past his ankles, gesturing for me to join him.

It didn't take much convincing for me to go with him, wading into it and enjoying the coolness of the water after sitting out on the hot sand for what seemed to be a good hour. I only went waist deep, happy enough with the distance I travelled. Levi, to my surprise, went further than I did, letting the water sink past his hips and rise above his chest, visibly swimming instead of walking when it hit his shoulders.

There wasn't any part of my mind saying to stop him. If anything, it was a beautiful sight to see. The edges of Levi's feathers poked up above the water, black hair wet at the edges and sticking up. He was the kind of person that I dreamed of writing books about, someone who caught my attention and stole my breath away without even thinking of doing it. My heart hurt thinking about how much I loved him.

I decided against swimming too far myself, opting to float on the surface of the water. I was reminded of the times Armin and Mikasa took me out to public pools to swim with them and how I'd always let myself float along the surface of the water, letting my wings splay out and pretending to be floating on air. The feeling of weightlessness always brought me back to the pool again, just so I could do that again and again.

My eyes fell shut with the feeling of the sun coming down onto both of us, and I absentmindedly noted that it was warmer than it was earlier. Though not many people started to leave the beach, the late afternoon sun was none less relentless than it was hours sooner, leaving my skin visibly more tan than it was before we arrived. I started to wonder what Levi would look like later on, after his swim trunks were moved and the difference could make the sun exposure clear.

Admittedly, I wasn't so sure how long I spent drifting along the surface of the water, letting myself spread out like a starfish on top of the waves. The only thing that brought me from that was a splash of water over my torso and Levi calling my name.

"Shouldn't you get some sunblock on too, hypocrite? There's a difference between tanning and boiling." I groaned while hearing him out. Despite any protests I had, I let my wings fold in and my weight sink down to the water, starting to wade back to our towels while my vision adjusted from having my eyes closed under the sun for so long. I wouldn't confess it to Levi, but my chest was starting to sting from lack of protection.

While sitting down on our towel, I managed to get another look around at the people. More had left in the short time Levi swam and I floated, but it wasn't significant enough for me to point it out. I assumed it was starting to get late enough to eat, but I already knew—even if Levi didn't—that I wanted to stay until the sun went down.

For the next couple hours, Levi and I didn't exchange many words. The silence between us was comfortable enough, the water drying against our skin again.

Levi waded back into the water every now and again, mumbling something about staying cool with the heat. I didn't get up much myself, far too pleased with watching him stretch and walk across the sand, soaking himself in the water, letting drops glimmer and fall down from the feathers of his wings. I almost wished I brought my sketchbook with me to the beach, but I knew that I would be able to keep the memory long enough to draw him later.

With the hours passing by, we started to notice a good number of people leave the beach. The sun hung further down in the sky than it did when we arrived, and I could start to feel a shift in temperature of the air. It was warm enough to lay out on the sand, but Levi no longer went back into the water, saying that it started to feel a little too cool to enjoy over his entire body. We settled for sitting closer to the edge, enough for the water to only touch our toes.

There was something peaceful about sitting on the sand in mostly silence. Levi talked to me more than I talked to him in the last handful of hours, even though it was just the occasional, offhand comment about seeing a shell over in the sand or losing a feather in the water. Seeing him be so talkative gave me a warm feeling, low in my stomach, that I couldn't shake. He never did talk more than I did, ever since the day we met, but I did notice over time that he would initiate it more, say something small, just to fill the silence between us. The only thing I couldn't figure out was whether he was talking because he wanted to or because he knew I liked to hear from him, but either of the reasons felt satisfying enough for me.

More and more people started to leave the beach as time continued to pass. Levi and I sat down on the sand with our towels wrapped around our bodies, the air chilling and the sun sinking lower and lower in the sky. The sand still felt warm to the touch, even as the water brushing against our feet felt cooler than it did before.

With the steady sweeping of water against sand and the sight of dark blue stretching out for miles, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"It's... infinite out there, and... I feel so tiny." I cringed at my lack of eloquence. My throat closed in on me and my heart pounded all too hard against my chest, threatening to crush my lungs with every beat. My body suffocated me into speechlessness. Levi didn't seem to mind, though, and once again, I appreciated the fact that he didn't judge me for it. He squeezed my hand tighter in his own and continued looking out at the sea in front of us.

"You feel like it could swallow you whole."

"Yeah, like that."

We stayed silent for an awfully long time like that. Neither of us moved from our spot on the shore, where the tide swept in enough to cover our feet and nothing more. The sun dipped lower in the sky, staining everything violet and red. It reminded me of the first time I went out to do something with Levi and how his wings seemed to glisten under the setting sun.

I looked over to them and got a view of both under the vermillion light. The blue one still glimmered the way that it did the last time, but the white one looked even brighter. Quietly, I let go of Levi's hand in favour of sitting behind him, resting one hand on the glowing feathers. I both saw and heard him let out a shaky breath, but he didn't pull away from me, only extending his wing out for me the best he could.

With gentle fingers, I combed through every feather of his white wing. I watched the bright scarlet of the sky reflecting off the ivory of the feathers turn to deeper maroons. By the time I moved down to the very bottom of his wing, the red from the sky replaced itself with the silver of the growing moonlight.

Only then did we decide to get up from the beach. The water was far too cold to enjoy anymore, the sand losing all its warmth, so it was a good time to get back to the hotel. Most of our belongings were already packed up, but I wrapped my towel around my shoulders and picked up anything else that we left in the sand. Levi took my hand in his own, and with silent, steady steps, we started on the way back to our hotel.

Our swim trunks were completely dry by the time we made it back to our room, and the sand on our shoes had mostly rubbed off too. My skin was dirty and dry from all the salt and sand, so with that in mind, I decided it would be good to get a shower, like I planned on earlier in the day.

I made it into the small bathroom and grabbed a fresh towel but left the room shortly after with an idea. Levi was standing close by the edge of the bed, unpacking all of his things that he brought from the beach with his back facing me. With a small smirk, I spoke up enough for him to hear me and turn around to the sound of my voice.

"Do you want to shower together?" I joked, making a show out of flinging my towel over my shoulder and cocking out my hip.

"Sure."

For a moment, I stared at Levi, not quite in shock but not processing what he said either. All I could do was look at him until the response clicked and my cheeks burned red. Judging by his tone of voice and expression, he wasn't joking.

"You're... serious?" I asked for confirmation.

"Yeah." He stretched from where he was and walked in my direction. "Why not? You offered, even if you were kidding, and it would take less time if we both went together. Let's go."

It took me a minute before I walked back into the bathroom, feeling my heart stop in my throat. I made it into the bathroom before he did, of course, but I couldn't do anything when he actually came in. I could feel the heat rise to my face and my heart continue to wildly beat in my chest, but all I managed to do was stand there until he spoke up.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I won't make you uncomfortable."

"No!" I cringed at how loud my voice came out. "It's fine, I promise. I... I just haven't showered with anyone like this before. It's fine, I-I'm okay."

"If you say so."

There was one short moment where neither of us did a thing, even after the confirmation. To both my relief and dismay, he was the first one to take his tank top off, dropping it down to the floor. I faced away from him to turn on the water while he took off his swim trunks, and with a deep breath, I took off everything of my own.

The bathroom was silent, save for the sound of running water and the light clicks of Levi's prosthetic being taken off. I stepped into the shower before he did, letting the water cascade over my body. He joined me only a couple seconds later, but it seemed like an eternity passed by before he made any move at all.

I felt Levi's hand gently brush over one of my wings, fingers combing through it and untangling the feathers that grew messy with the hours at the beach. I could feel how close his body was to mine, but with the feeling of both his hands brushing through my wings, I couldn't bring myself to mind the situation.

He continued combing through each of the feathers, taking his time and wrapping one arm around my waist. I could feel him beginning to press light kisses along my neck, and it wasn't long before my eyes fell shut.

I completely forgot about the anxiety that I felt from the thought of showering with Levi. I'd also forgotten the point of the shower was to get clean, with the way he continued to trail kisses along my neck and shoulders, my body melting underneath his. There was nothing sexual about the way he continued on, but I wasn't able to deny that the action was intimate regardless. I enjoyed him being so close to me.

His hands roamed my body as if he were trying to memorise every part of me, like I could slip away from his arms at any moment. I leaned further into his hold, letting his fingers trace my hips, run across stretch marks, find scars and dimples and everything else that tainted my body.

For some reason, I expected him to laugh at me. I expected his hand to recoil when it brushed over a weird dip or bump. I expected the same reaction that I got when people saw my wings in public, but I expected it to be worse in private.

The negative reaction from him never came.

Even when Levi pulled away from me to grab the travel sized bottle of body wash sitting on the edge of the tub, he didn't say a single mean word. Instead, those same hands returned with the soap, tracing other every part of my body once again with the intention to get clean, like we planned to do in the first place.

I finally decided to do the same for him, a lot more calm about him being so close. A small breath was all I needed to touch, to feel, to not be as afraid about what was happening and what would happen after. There wasn't any need for me to worry about possibilities that weren't going to come true.

It was in that shower that I started to notice the little details about Levi's body I never saw before. I could see every dip and curve, the scars and few bruises from who knows what. I was able to see the moles and blemishes, a rib that looked like it healed incorrectly after it was broken some time ago. Somehow, even after seeing all the imperfections, I could only see him as more perfect than he already was. He was more human to me then than ever before.

We stayed in the shower for far longer than we needed to. Even after getting clean, all we could care about was each other's presence and comfort. The sound of the shower drowned out most of my thoughts, leaving me to focus on the feeling of Levi being there with me, the sensation left behind from wandering hands, warmer than the hot water.

A while passed by before we finally decided to get out of the shower. Levi stepped out to grab a towel for himself and handed me one not a moment later. Steam fogged up the mirror hanging on the wall, and the floor was slick with a sheen of water. The rest of the hotel room felt a lot colder after leaving the comfortable heat of the bathroom.

Surprisingly, I couldn't bring myself to be embarrassed about putting my clothes on after we left the bathroom. I let the fluffy, white hotel towel fall over my shoulders, my hair a little damp under my fingertips when I combed through it. Even though my clothes were warm, I didn't hesitate to bury myself under the blankets of the bed, Levi joining me there soon after. I grabbed a remote from the nightstand and turned the television across the room on to let some kind of sound fill the surroundings aside from the steady hum of the air conditioner.

I let myself curl up into Levi's side, taking in as much warmth from him as I could get as he ran his fingers along my wings. There came a point where neither of us paid any mind to the foreign film playing on the TV, the subtitles blurring on the screen and the voices fading into the background. Levi's hand stopped at my lower back, and he leaned back just enough to look into my eyes, a serious tone in his voice.

"What would you do if I died?"

"If you died?" I turned to look at him, surprised with the sudden question. His expression seemed nearly vacant, as if the question weren't dark in the least. Something about it scared me.

"Yeah. If... that random, freak accident happened and I ended up dead somewhere. How would you react?"

"I mean... not well. It's  _you_. I wouldn't be able to take something like that well. I haven't really had anyone major in my life die before, so it wouldn't be easy for me to handle, especially if it were you." At that, Levi let out a hum. Knowing him, that response was more than enough from me. He pulled himself closer to my body and buried his face into my chest, his arms wrapping around me and hands beginning to stroke my wings once again. I could smell the faint scent of shampoo in his hair from our shower.

A moment of heavy silence passed by while I processed everything he said to me. I never did forget him explaining his fear of death the night before his birthday. Though I never feared he would do something to bring the threat closer, talking about it made the inevitable a lot more real than I ever would've thought about.

"Were you afraid of dying when you were younger? When you were still in a rough place?" I felt his breath catch in his chest, despite not hearing it.

"It's hard not to be, and even more so as a kid just figuring out what death is. I didn't think I cared as much as time passed, but it's still scary thinking you could die any moment without fulfilling anything you thought you would in your life. Death can be fucking terrifying, Eren. The thought of dying alone and unhappy is even worse."

"Then," I paused to take a breath, feeling the weight of my words settle on my tongue, "what can I do to make sure that doesn't happen? I can't protect you from everything, but what can I do to fulfill some of those dreams, make death a little happier in the end?"

There was a short moment of quiet, when Levi debated on what to say to me. I heard him take a deep breath in before responding, but his voice was far more quiet and fragile than I thought it was going to be.

"All I need is for you to stay by my side."

Neither of us had to say anything more to feel what each other felt. I know he could hear my heart start to race, and I could feel his body grow warmer in my arms. There was nothing more to say when the emotions were loud enough between us.

For a while, we both let what he said hang in the air. The sound of crickets and the breeze outside was enough, along with the sound of the television still playing the documentary across the room. When Levi spoke up again, it sounded like he didn't want to disturb everything going on beyond us, in fear of it not returning to the way it was.

"You know, I've always really adored your wings." He started to run his hand up and down the length of my right wing, switching from the left one his fingers were on.

"I know, Levi."

"No, I don't think you do know." He paused. "You rejected the idea for months. Pushed me and all my words away  every time I tried to say it to you. I never liked them because they were like mine; I loved them because they're so... you. Everything about you screams 'Eren', but your wings are the loudest part and I've always loved them. They've always been like that, even before I got to know you well. I wish people didn't fuck that up for you so you would appreciate your own body more than you do now."

Silently, I swallowed down the lump in my throat. Let the heavy words take their toll, let the meanings resonate, let the truth sink into me until I could accept it.

For the rest of the night, we didn't talk. There was a silent, mutual agreement that nothing more needed to be said. I took the time to turn off the television and set the remote aside, and Levi turned off the lamp in the room. The hum of the air conditioner never faded, nor did the sound of the crickets and breeze from beyond the front door. Somehow, the soft noises and closeness of our bodies spoke more than enough words for both conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this might just be my favourite chapter, right next to Twelve?? second longest too. i've been excited to post this one for a while now aha. ;w;
> 
> and the wholesome shower scene was completely unintentional and unplanned but sooooo nice to write. <3
> 
> anyway !! thanks so much for the kudos/ comments/ everything else/// i always appreciate it.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

We decided that next morning to spend an extra day resting at the hotel. Levi ended up a little more sunburned than he initially thought, and his hair had noticeable streaks of dark brown with the rays of morning sun poking through the pale curtains on the other side of the room. It took me a moment to realise that his hair was even a deep brown colour, thanks to the sun bleaching the dark strands a shade lighter and tanning the rest of his body with the hours spent at the beach. Something in me found it attractive and hard to look away from, even with his annoyed grumbling about it after he noticed.

The first good portion of the morning was spent without either of us moving from the bed. I could already feel the soreness of exercise seeping into my muscles, and Levi said something about my body being too warm to move away from. I didn't know what hour it was by the time I managed to get out of bed, but I was able to convince Levi to let me stand up at the very least.

Half past ten already, according to the clock. I pulled on a light sweater over my night wear, not wanting to put much more effort into my appearance.

"Come on, I'm hungry. I'm pretty sure the breakfast downstairs is closed, so we can go out to eat somewhere close. The food will be better anyway." Levi nodded in response, slowly but surely sitting up in the bed. I made sure to grab both his car keys and the key to our room, my wallet in the pocket of my sweater. It didn't take Levi long to throw on a better shirt, adjust his prosthetic, and slip on some shoes, hair still poking up every which way when he walked towards the door, grabbing my hand and tugging me out.

There was something endearing about seeing Levi, fresh out of bed and walking out into public, without caring what he looked like to other people. I'd gotten used to him being the one to put effort into his appearance, rather than me. Despite how insecure I was about my wing, I never put much mind into how the rest of my body looked, especially when high school started to take a toll on how much energy I had during the mornings while getting ready. Getting food and remembering to even take my backpack with me was more important than trying to impress my equally-as-exhausted classmates.

From day one, Levi made sure he looked presentable. He never went anywhere without making sure his hair was neat, his clothes were always pristine and ironed, and even his shoes managed to stay in perfect shape. Every part of him was always clean and orderly without a doubt, so to see him with messy hair and nothing more than some loose pants, an old shirt, and a pair of dirty sandals from the day before... It did something to my heart.

The place we found to eat at was a little pancake house down the road from our hotel. Minus the staff, all of the people in there looked almost as tired as, or even more than, Levi and I did. Some late 90's music played low over the speakers in the room, the monotonous sound of chatter from the other people in there staying quiet enough for me to hear each song that was playing.

Levi and I both found a booth over in the corner, a couple tables away from the nearest family. The light from the window glimmered on the table—a reminder that it was still early enough in the day that we had time to do whatever we'd like.

A waitress came by to take our order shortly after and dropped off our drinks (coffee and tea, of course), but Levi didn't have much to say. The silence wasn't uncomfortable; far from it, really. He looked content, staring out the window at the passing cars and swaying trees, sipping at his drink. There were still traces of tiredness lingering in his expression, with the bags and grey colour under his eyes visible from across the table. I briefly wondered if he always looked like that before a shower in the morning.

I didn't make the effort to start a conversation after the food arrived. Levi seemed more than alright with doing nothing but eating for once. It was enough for me to just be around him, even if we had nothing to talk about.

Sure, months before, I would've tried to talk about something, pry more knowledge out, get to know him more than I already did. If there was anything that changed about me, though, it'd be that I found comfort in silence more than any forced conversation. Eating a meal, in the corner of a pancake house, in absolute silence was the most peaceful feeling I could experience.

In the end, we barely said a word to each other through the meal. Levi took it upon himself to pay for the food, leaving a tip on the table, and grabbing my hand on the way to the front door. The walk back to the hotel room was short, and I heard him mutter something about changing into something more comfortable while we walked back in.

I sat on the edge of the bed while he sifted through the belongings in his suitcase, eventually finding something to wear and setting it next to him. For an instant, I saw him hesitate. He looked between the stack of clothing and the bathroom door across the room a few times, his expression unchanging but the lack of movement giving away everything he was thinking about.

"You don't... you don't have to go to a different room to change, if you don't want to, Levi. I mean, god, we showered together last night. I've seen your wing, I've seen all of your body without any clothes... I think it's alright for you to stay. But if you need a little more time, then that's okay too." I could feel my heart attempt to suffocate me and more blood rush to my cheeks, but I willed myself to keep eye contact with him, trying to get my point across the best I could.

No, I'm fine. I'll stay in here with you." He gave me a reaffirming nod too, not at all showing hesitance when he stood and started to take off his clothes. I tried to at least look away for the sake of courtesy, but it was hard to ignore the smooth, pale skin and taut muscle a few feet away from me. I wasn't staring long enough to be caught, but Levi still had a knowing smirk on his face when he sat down on the bed and looked at me.

All I did myself was take off my t-shirt, tossing it aside for later. I pulled Levi closer to myself and managed to grab the television remote before we got too comfortable on the bed. The rest of afternoon was spent in the hotel room like that. Levi rested his head on my lap while we watched TV together, far too content to bother moving. He took his prosthetic off after changing, blue and white feathers mingling and spreading out across the bed. My own took up the width of the bed with how I let them spread out, but he didn't seem to mind the fact that I let one of mine fall over his, overlapping in a mess of green.

There was a short bit of time in which Levi fell asleep, lightly holding onto my thigh and breathing just slow enough for me to tell that he was sleeping to begin with. I let my fingers trail along the length of his wing, admiring the silky white feathers adorning it. Gentle enough to not wake him, but enough to feel every one.

The places where the bone was deformed were a lot clearer under the touch of my hand. I could see how it would be easy for the prosthetic to fix, but while mapping out the places where it should've bent and how it did, I realised Levi must've had it a lot harder than I did growing up, despite the fact that his wing was the same size as the other. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would've been dealing with that before Hanji helped him.

An episode of an old reality TV show ended. Levi woke up with a deep inhale, stretching his arms and being wary enough to not hit me. He lazily rubbed his eyes with one hand and looked up to me, expression soft and traces of sleep lingering.

"How long was I out?"

"Mm, maybe an hour? It wasn't too long." Levi hummed in short reply. He took his time sitting up on the bed, stretching out his back and letting a yawn slip from his lips. Only a beat of silence passed before he spoke back up.

"Hey, Eren?"

"Yeah?"

With the slowest of movements, Levi straddled my lap, one hand on each shoulder and eyes looking directly into mine. I could feel my cheeks burning up, but I didn't object to anything he was doing, keeping my gaze locked onto his.

"Lay back. It's more comfortable that way."

I didn't protest while lying back for him, moving all the pillows out of the way so only one was under my head. I watched Levi take his time shifting closer to me, only letting my eyes close when our lips pressed together.

Levi took his time with me. He let one hand trail up my chest, the other staying grasped around my arm. Every motion was slow, deliberate, feeling but not desperate to touch. It wasn't anything like the time in the dorm room, rushed and frantic, a result of messy emotions and adrenaline. This was sober, meaningful, thought out. He knew exactly what he was doing, without a doubt, and spent every minute making sure that I knew too.

His fingers traced along my chest, along my collarbone, and slipped around the back of my neck. I wouldn't doubt that Levi felt the shiver run up my spine, given the way his hand tangled itself in my hair, tugging just enough to make me gasp. The hand holding onto my bicep tightened at the sound, and I swear I could hear him choke back a whine.

He pulled away with a soft, wet sound, his face flushed a warm shade of red and lips still parted. His eyes held heat, lust, but the rest of his body language said that was enough. He didn't do anything that said he wanted to go further, and that was alright with me. I had no problem waiting for him.

I collected myself enough to rest a hand on his cheek, brushing my thumb just under his eye with a light hum. He let out the gentlest sigh I'd ever heard from him, and he folded his arms on my chest, resting his head on top of them.

For a while, all he did was stare at me, eyes soft and wandering. I could see the moment something crossed his mind, and in the quietest voice he could manage...

"You have freckles."

"Huh?" I tried to comprehend what he was saying, a little too dazed from less than a minute before to think straight. The comment was so simple and out of the blue that I didn't even know how to respond to him.

"You have freckles." Levi repeated. He pulled his right arm out from underneath him, lightly running a finger over the bridge of my nose and along my cheeks. He looked almost awed over the discovery. "They're light and probably just noticeable from the tan you have, but you have freckles."

If I didn't die of anything else, I would probably die of affection for Levi. It was hard to imagine sometimes that I once saw him as someone uncaring and tough, rude and smart-mouthed and unwilling to speak to most people. All I ever got in the most recent months was someone who would do anything to protect me, make sure I was comfortable and loved. He did nothing but give his heart up and show how real his feelings were.

Levi meant the world to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mm so i might as well put this here.
> 
> the last chapter's coming pretty soon. the last full chapter will be Twenty Nine, then the epilogue and the bonus chapter. o: bonus is just going to be smut for the people who want it, outside of the main plot and in third person. completely optional to read, so don't feel forced.
> 
> this is the last filler too ! everything else beyond will be actual plot, i promise.
> 
> anyway !! thank you for all the kudos/ comments. ;w; any sort of feedback is always appreciated. <3


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so !! i decided to merge chapters Twenty Seven and Twenty Eight together, meaning that the next chapter is the last one (save for the epilogue and bonus chapter). o: i'll be posting for the next three Fridays, as a heads up~

Levi and I left for the trip back to Sina the next day. We packed up all of our belongings in the car and started the drive early in the morning, right as the sun started to rise. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to feel sad about leaving the ocean; I felt fulfilled. It might not ’ve been the most eventful trip in the world, but it was enough to make me happy. Seeing the ocean with Levi felt like something out of a dream.

To the relief of us both, the drive back was peaceful. Boring, arguably, but there wasn’t anything keeping us back from going straight to the campus. We took turns at the wheel up until we made it back to Sina, and I almost wanted to sleep in the car when we made it there. Levi gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left the car himself, thanking me for driving the last stretch of the trip. He was the one to take most of the bags back into our dorm while I dragged on behind him, the lightest of the luggage in my arms.

Neither of us bothered unpacking right then, far too tired to bother. It was easier for Levi to crawl into our bed, wrap his arms around me, and fall asleep without saying another word.

We both came to regret that choice the next morning while trying to unpack fast enough to get ready for class, tossing our clothing over the beds and floor with about as much grace as a tornado. All the clothing and snack wrappers made it nearly impossible to find notebooks and laptops, and by the time we found everything, it was barely even worth it to show up to class. That day made for the first time I skipped a class in my life.

The rest of that afternoon was spent cleaning up the wreck we made, a playlist of our music playing from a phone on the unused bed. It took a good hour or two before we were finally able to get through everything, folding clothes into drawers and putting shower supplies where they needed to be. Levi flopped down onto my bed with his wings spread out when we finished, mumbling something about a shower.

“We can shower later. I need rest.” He moved his head enough to face me, black hair covering his eyes.

“That’s exactly what I just said.”

“Oh. Cool.” I nudged Levi over enough to make myself some room on our bed, face pressed into the pillow. Laying there for a few hours was a more than acceptable way to pass the better part of the afternoon.

Hanji came by to see us later that day, barely wasting time between knocking on the door and letting themself in. At that point, neither Levi nor I cared about them seeing us in the middle of whatever we were doing. I couldn’t care less about the fact that sometimes it happened to be when Levi’s feet were in my face and he was reciting an essay aloud for our class. One time happened to be when he was in the middle of taking his shirt off and got his prosthetic and feathers stuck, both of us trying to untangle him from the mess of fabric. There was something comforting about being able to trust Hanji in such a way and not having to hide whatever we were doing at any given point in time.

“Why didn’t you two show up to class today?” I watched them sit down on the bed across the room, pushing aside a few textbooks that we stacked up there.

“Got lazy. Spent a few hours unpacking.” Levi hummed in agreement, his face smushed into my side and a majority of his body being covered by a blanket. All that was visible were a few white and blue feathers poking out from under it, a couple of them splaying over the side of my face. Another thing I found normal.

“Have fun catching up tomorrow. Second to last professor doesn’t like playing around. You two are already on her bad side.”

“Shit, can’t you give us your notes?”

“In exchange for food.”

“McDonald’s fine?”

“For breakfast before class on Wednesday?”

“Deal. Hope you took good notes today if I’m getting you food. Just text me what you want, and I’ll get it to you before class.”

“Absolutely, Pretty Boy.” Hanji left the room after that, with a smug grin on their face and the air smelling of their pride on their way out. I wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of driving down to the restaurant to buy them food in the first place, but exchanging it for a full set of notes didn’t seem like a bad deal.

The rest of that evening was uneventful, and the following morning was slow. I got up a bit earlier than normal to meet with Armin and company for breakfast, barely putting in the effort to throw on a clean t-shirt to walk out into the hallway with.

I mumbled the same, routine ‘do you want to eat with us?’ while opening the door, already set to shut it behind me. To my shock, Levi accepted the offer for once. I almost left anyway, but I stopped halfway through processing the statement, turning back around to look at him, just in time to see him standing up and walking over to me.

He lazily grabbed my hand and started to walk out of the dorm room with me, ignoring how surprised I was by it. After I let the realisation settle, I was able to intertwine our fingers, trying to maintain the red that I knew spread like a wildfire over my face.

For the first time since we’d met, Levi accepted going to breakfast with Mikasa, Armin, and I. Needless to say when we walked up, the three already sitting at the table were a little more than surprised to see an extra person there, sitting next to me with a tray of food in front of him.

No one talked in the first minute or two. Armin, Annie, and Mikasa all exchanged looks with each other without doing so much as making eye contact with me. It was Armin who finally broke the tense silence, his smile almost too bright for me to look at.

“Glad to see you’re finally joining us, Levi.” Everything after that seemed easy. Conversation flowed, topics came and went without problem, and Levi looked comfortable fitting in with everyone. It made me consider what things would’ve been like if he joined us sooner; though, I was happy to have it then, even if we couldn’t get him to stay with us earlier. I would take later over never.

Levi talked to me about them all on our way back to our own dorm room. It was a change seeing him so talkative, but I took in every second of it that I got. Hearing him talk so much wasn’t exactly a rare occurrence after all the months we spent together, but it was something that didn’t happen as often. Hearing him talk about other people, aside from Hanji, was even less of a common subject.

The positive attitude carried on through the rest of the afternoon. I wasn’t sure what it was about the conversation in the morning that got Levi to be so content with himself, but I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Laying together in bed that night, I still felt the happy vibes from earlier in the day. The warmth of conversation, the feeling of familiarity- both left me with a pleasant buzz stirring in my chest. We didn’t do much that night after studying, comfortable with the quiet and satisfied with how the day went.

I almost fell asleep just like that, absentmindedly brushing my fingers across the green wing on the bracelet Levi gave me for Valentine’s Day, but managed to mutter one last thing before the embrace of sleep took me for the night.

“I really love you, Levi.”

 

* * *

 

 

May rolled in faster than we expected, if that day wasn’t enough of a reminder that the full year had passed by. The threat of finals felt far more real than they did in the months before, but the thought of an upcoming break was enough to ease that threat and the anxiety that came with it. One more exam, then we could all breathe and not have to think about it for a while longer.

Though breakfast with everyone didn’t happen again, it became a bit of a habit for me to exchange food for notes with Hanji after that first incident in April. Shockingly enough, Hanji took more thorough notes than Levi did. Neat, organised, with details neither of us had the speed to copy down. I couldn’t help but be impressed by the work I could take from them, especially considering how messy everything else about them was.

As much as I was reluctant to admit it, I wouldn’t have gotten through our April class without that.

When our last class of the semester finally started, I tried to ease off of the trade. In the end, it was easier for us to both go out and get food while going over notes and studying together. A few afternoons, we’d stay together longer to catch up, talk about Levi and Armin, what our plans for the summer were going to look like. Hanji’s company was something I learned to appreciate when I had it.

With the conversation about the upcoming summer came an important discussion. Before meeting Levi, I already planned on going back to my parents’ home and staying there while working between semesters. Considering the relationship Levi and I had, the thought of where he would be became a topic I needed to talk over with him.

Hanji encouraged me to talk with him. They knew something I didn’t, I could tell, but they pressed on for me to talk to him myself. Their hand on my shoulder and wide smile was a gesture I couldn’t ignore. The conversation between us came on a quiet evening, after I finished my own paper and Levi was typing up the rest of his own.

“What are you going to do for the summer? I mean, since we’re not staying in the dorms.” I could hear the pause in his typing, but not a moment later, he was back at writing.

“I was thinking about staying with Hanji for the next couple months. It’s going to be damn annoying living with them, but it’s better than flying all the way back to a different country with money I barely have.” Levi shrugged, not doing so much as looking up to me while he continued working on the essay he had up on his laptop. Only the sound of his fingers pattering against the keyboard filled the air in the room. I shifted closer into his side, one of my arms held loosely around his torso.

The rest of the evening went by silently for us. It wasn’t much longer before Levi finished up his essay. An hour passed by in quiet before he took off his prosthetic, going to sleep for the night, with an arm wrapped around me in return.

Another week flashed before our eyes. The weather outside was warming up, and our professor was constantly reminding us of the amount of days we had before the final. One of the times Hanji and I went out for fast food and conversation, they pointed out how full and green the trees grew from the time before. The stores we passed by were advertising for summer skin care products and bathing suits. More families were out on the streets and lining up at ice cream shops to celebrate their kids being released from school. It was a relief knowing classes were so close to being over at Sina. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing afterwards, but Hanji and Armin talked me through figuring things out with Levi.

I didn’t want to ask directly. I could’ve, sure, but I couldn’t find it in me to be that straightforward. Did I hint at wanting to stay with him for the summer? Absolutely. Did he take the hint. Probably, yes.

“Then what’s holding you back?” Hanji asked, hand over their mouth (though it didn’t muffle the sound of them speaking through their bite of fries).

“I… guess I want to be sure of it all? Hell, I don’t even know if Levi is sure of it.”

“Well, you won’t know until you ask. Two more weeks, Eren. Better figure your shit out.” Regardless of what my first impression of Hanji was, they really were helpful. Armin spoke his mind in the nights I lounged around their dorm for an hour or two, but- despite how close Armin and I were- he didn’t know Levi as well as Hanji did.

I tried not to focus on the subject of housing after that talk. Studying for our last final and making sure I had the money to make it through the autumn semester later in the year were at the top of the priority list.

“Damn, I’ll have to work over the summer. My savings and all those scholarships can only last me so long.” I clicked my tongue while looking through all my accounts. I hadn’t even considered what it sounded like to Levi. The thought slipped out into the open while I closed off the tabs on my laptop, not wanting to think too much about the funding either.

“The same goes for me,” A beat of silence. “It’s okay if we both have to work.” I brought my eyes up to look at him. He didn’t look away from his textbook. His words didn’t click to me at first.

“Oh. Yeah, that’ll be alright.” He hummed in response to me, going back to studying without a word. The night ended with nothing eventful.

The second to last week came and went nearly the same. Minimal discussion on the important matters, most nights in the dorm quiet save for the sound of rapid typing and textbook pages turning. The lack of time doing much else didn’t matter to either of us, as long as the end of the night was spent together.

I didn’t see Mikasa after she gave her own goodbye, explaining to Armin and I that her semester was over early. She would be staying with Annie at her place for the summer, if we wanted to see her. Armin’s classes already ended, but he was staying on campus with Hanji until theirs were done too. Marco came by one night to tell me his own was finally over, giving me his phone number if I ever wanted to hang out for the summer.

With a couple days left before we had to be out of the dorm, I knew I had to ask Levi about what we were going to do. It wasn’t exactly an anxiety-inducing subject to bring up given everything else we’d went through, but the fear of rejection still lingered in the back of my mind, demanding to be heard no matter how many times I’d already convinced myself that everything would be fine. Though my breathing was steading, I could feel my heartbeat pounding so hard in my chest I was afraid Levi could hear it. I played with the bracelet around my wrist, trying to keep a steady voice when I spoke up.

“So… I’ve been thinking about it. You should stay with me, Levi. There’s plenty of space in my room, my parents both like you, and I’m not Hanji.” I watched his lips quirk up the littlest bit at my last point, and a light sigh left his mouth. He stayed silent for a while before responding to me, something hopeful in his expression, even if he didn’t look directly at me.

“Sure. If it’s actually alright with you and Carla, then I will. Just for the summer, while we both work.” I nodded to myself, trying not to let too much excitement seep into my voice.

“Just for the summer.”

The hope for something more laid under that statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the kudos/ comments !!!! ;w; i always appreciate it. <3


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final (full) chapter !! ^^ before you start, i just want to say thank you. <3

Finals week passed by without worry. Levi and I spent the days before testing packing up all of our belongings, after I got the okay to him staying at my home for the summer, until we could afford somewhere close to the campus. The day after our last one, we put our separate things in our separate cars, drove out into the empty fields I’d seen so many times before, and made it to my house together as the sun started to set.

It wasn’t a surprise to see my mother waiting at the entrance of the front door, but it felt different, knowing that I wasn’t the only one being greeted, knowing that it wasn’t going to be like that for a while. It’d be different living with someone else in my room, but I concluded that it wouldn’t be a bad kind of different. It would be a change that I could get used to and learn to love, just like I did when we shared a dorm for the first year.

“Congratulations on finishing the semester, Eren. I already baked some muffins for you, if you want them.” She pulled me into a hug, tight and proud, one of her hands ruffling my hair. I couldn’t find it in myself to shift away from her until she moved to look at Levi.

“Levi, do you want a hug too?” The look on his face was… complicated, to put a few words to it. I wanted to laugh at his expression, but I knew the offer from her meant something to him, even if he didn’t show it clearly. She might not have been able to read him and the look on his face, but I knew him well.

“Uh… I guess?” Carla pulled him close without hesitation and hugged him. He didn’t return the gesture, but watching the way his body relaxed, I knew he appreciated it, somewhere in him. He was opening up to her.

She helped take our bags into the house, even if it wasn’t much. The few bags we did have were placed on the floor for the time being, my mother insisting that we eat before getting to unpacking for the night. Apparently, she’d already started cooking, so there was ‘no need to be in a rush to get set up when there’s food on the way’.

We both took the time to sit down at the dining room table, conversing with her until my father came home himself. He joined in the second he saw us both, the talk between the four of us casual, easygoing while my parents worked on cooking the meal together.

They were both interested in Levi as much as the times before. He didn’t mind the flood of questions about his plans for the summer and for the upcoming semester, how his writing was going along and his thoughts about the year as a whole. He kept the conversation going through dinner, smiles and laughter in full bloom, and my parents left us alone after everything in the kitchen was cleaned up, with no trace of natural light coming into the room.

I soaked in the silence of the kitchen before we went upstairs. A single ceiling light lit up the room, casting shadows over the appliances and Levi himself. The smell of a home cooked meal still lingered, even with the dishes cleaned and all the trash thrown out. Seeing Levi in the same atmosphere I was used to felt comforting, as much as it did foreign.

A glance at the clock resting on my bedside table was enough for me to realise how many hours had passed since we arrived at my home in the first place. I took Levi’s hand and lead him to the bedroom, pushing the door open with my free hand.

My bedroom was silent. I expected it, of course, but I took a moment to stare and take in everything around us. Unpacked bags, cleaned sheets from the last time we were there, a light coating of dust on all the empty shelves. It took a little while for us to unpack, clothes folded up in the dresser, textbooks stacked up in a corner, other things finding their place after a while. A playlist of our music carried on from Levi’s phone, the speakers loud enough to be heard by us both in the relative quiet. The bed felt like a haven after all was finished.

We weren’t really tired, but it was enough to fall asleep to. The warm glow of the bedroom lamp, clean sheets over our bodies, a tangle of soft feathers acting like a second blanket- I dreamed of a new beginning that night.

It was different waking up to Levi in my own bed. We’d been sharing a bed in the dorm for over half a year, but knowing that it was my own home that we got to wake up in together was… strange. Not unpleasant, but strange, something I needed to adjust to. I wouldn’t mind making the adjustment if it meant seeing him so peaceful at the wake of dawn.

Pulling away the old, green comforter of the bed and seeing another body was startling for the first week or so, for sure. I was lucky enough to not wake Levi up with my fear, trying to keep my heart attack as quiet as possible. It was a change sneaking off to the bathroom and back to my bedroom in silence, kissing his forehead before going off to work for the day without waking him up.

Having someone to wake up to in a cozy bedroom I could call my own, though- I didn’t regret the decision of asking him to stay for the summer. Even if it meant staying a little quieter, aware of the person around me, there wasn’t a day that I thought of my choice in negative light. I was used to waking up at nearly the same time as him every morning, so our scheduling differences were another adjustment we had to make in the first few weeks. The slight panic I felt when he wasn’t lying next to me in the morning subsided with the familiarity of our mismatching schedules, but the comfort I felt being able to wake up to him was even stronger than it was before.

Coming home from work one day to see him lying on my bed with a book in his hands sent my heart racing and stole the air from my lungs. It wasn’t much different from the other days, but, well, the simple action of seeing him felt like a gift after long hours of working behind a counter. He was comfortable, only wearing a pair of black sweatpants low on his hips. He glanced up at me with a mumbled out ‘welcome home’, shifting closer to one side of the bed and crossing his legs.

I tossed off my work shirt and let it fall to the floor, reminding myself to pick it back up and put it someplace else later. Regardless of how hot the summer season was starting to get, I always appreciated being able to lay back down on the warm blankets with Levi right beside me. The intense heat of the June sun gave us tanned skin, burns, a stinging redness that couldn’t be ignored, but the warmth our bed provided was something I welcomed with open arms, especially after long days.

“How was work?”

“Not bad. Wasn’t really much that happened during my shift today, but the hours will look good on my paycheck. Relaxing go well today?” I shifted closer into his side, reading the title of the novel in his hands. It was one I hadn’t read before, and I made a mental point to ask about it later. Our taste in books would never be the same, but it didn’t mean I didn’t try to read and understand what he was into.

“Yeah. Got more progress done for the book, a couple thousand more words”

“Good. I… was working on more art for that one yesterday, actually.” Levi set down the book he was reading in his lap at that comment, quirking up an eyebrow.

“Were you really?”

“Yeah,” I took in a breath, hoping not to show too much of my own excitement, knowing what I already had done, “I think you’ll like it.” He didn’t bother picking his book back up to read, taking my hand, intertwining our fingers, and pressing a kiss to the back of it. Levi was quiet for a moment, taking his free hand and tracing his index finger over the bridge of my nose, staring at the freckles that hadn’t gone away since our trip to the beach. It was a habit he picked up, so I got used to him tracing the dots from one cheek to the other, admiring them in silence. Compliments weren’t spoken very often, but they weren’t needed when I could see the look in his eyes, such a fond expression that it made my heart hurt.

A moment later, he dropped his hand back down to the bed, finally responding to me. I almost forgot about the subject from a minute before.

“I know I’ll love it.”

“As long as you love it, that’s all that matters to me. I’m trying my damn hardest since it’s for you.”

“You always try your damned hardest for me, Eren.” He pulled himself closer to me, resting his head against my chest. I didn’t need to ask or move to know he was listening to my heartbeat. The night was spent in gentle silence I didn’t bother to break.

Mornings that neither of us worked were slow paced, but not in a way that was bothersome. We had time to cook, brew coffee (and tea), chatter in the kitchen until it was time to eat. The sun was high into the sky by the time we got up on those days, but that was never an issue. The rays still poured in through the window as they would any other time of day during the summer. We had as long as we wanted to eat, to clean up, to go take a warm shower together after it all. Our bed was still waiting for us both when we were dried off, taking turns to towel off each others’ wings.

It was easy to relax and take things slow, time trickling on, making it seem like the scent of blueberry waffles was still lingering after our shared showers. Sunlight still poured through the windows, birds chirped outside, and the bedsheets seemed fluffed up and comfortable enough to fall back onto.

On the afternoons that we didn’t have anything to do- no friends to go see while they were off work themselves, the effort to go out into the city too much to think about- all we did was lounge around. Whether a movie was playing on my laptop or we both decided to read or write independently, in the same bed, everything was okay. Nothing much had to happen, as long as we were together.

Nothing else seemed to matter when I was with him. The threat of the fall semester seemed nonexistent, as did our work schedules, the idea of finding our own place to live. All of it was an afterthought, an insignificant page out of an entire novel. Regardless of what we had standing in our way, I always had Levi to lay down with, to wake up to, to hold when those thoughts crept up and became a little too real. He was there to share a meal with me, to take showers with, to admire my broken wings to the point that I didn’t remember they were broken to begin with. I knew that I didn’t have to move any more than one step at a time when he was next to me. All I needed was for him to stay by my side.

With that in mind, we found our home with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took... a while aha. i wasn't planning on working on this for so long, but i'm glad that i did. i'm glad that i could actually be happy with this story, too, after struggling with my writing for so long.
> 
> anyway, all my thanks:  
> \- for nearly 9k hits, which is far more than i expected this to get here.  
> \- for those of you who came back every single chapter, leaving comments that helped me push through.  
> \- for all the fanart, that made me cry nearly every time. it's forever going to be linked in the description.  
> \- for dealing with my long breaks, due to school. it's forever going to be linked in the description.  
> \- for every comment, hit, kudos, and message showing your support. it means the world to me.
> 
> i don't think i'll be writing a long-length ereri fic after this one (just one shots), but i am posting two new multi-chapter works after this one. o: there's going to be 'Unremarkable', an oc story, and 'Icarus', a BakuDeku story for those of you into My Hero Academia.
> 
> if you're that committed to my ereri works, though, don't worry ! i'm taking requests now that i'm finished with this book. c: i might not write every single one, but i'll consider them all for sure.
> 
> thanks again for everything that all of you have done !!! i really do mean it when i say that i love all of you. <3


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short epilogue to sum things up. <3
> 
> takes place some years after the main plot, if that wasn't clear.

“I like your wings”. Definition: ‘I admire you; you attract me’. It’s not much of a literal liking to someone’s wings as it is an attraction to the person as a whole, how that person radiates, and what they show to everyone around them. The phrase is normally shared between two people while alone, usually upon first meeting or while first confessing feelings. The phrase is not to be taken lightly, and more often than not, it signifies two people who will become mates with each other sooner or later, usually for life.

Some people hear the phrase early in childhood and typically stay with that person for an extended period of time. With pairs who hear it later, relationships tend to be a little rockier but, commonly, hold the strongest bonds. Though rare, some people never hear it in their lifetime, which provokes fear in anyone who hasn’t heard it yet, regardless of age. To hear those words is life changing, no matter what context you hear them in.

If there was anything I learned over the last several years of my life, it’s that there shouldn’t be any fear when you finally hear those words spoken to you.

I felt that fear at first, of course. It was for good reason, given how insecure I was and how little self worth I had. The years of bullying did a number on my self esteem and will to live. Until I met Levi, I started to become convinced that I’d never find the person who would tell those words to me. Even when I did hear them, I doubted them, panicked for weeks, tried to come up with reasons that a person as blunt as him would lie to me.

It didn’t make sense that someone with a crippling disability and non-existent self worth would be able to love and find love.

My first year of college was life changing, far more than the three years afterwards. Those other three years feel like a blur compared to that one. A lot happened during the summer, sure, but it was the realisation that I could be something more than I thought that I was that made my freshman year something special to me.

Jean had an impact, of course, but it was Levi that made it such a significant year for me. I wouldn’t have gone so far in my life if it weren’t for him.

The next three years, I shared a dorm with him, while we both worked on our degrees and started working between and after classes. Hanji moved back to Japan with Armin by their side, and Annie and Mikasa moved into their own little apartment a town or two away from the campus. Levi and I stayed with my parents until the end of college, when we could afford our own little studio apartment to live in.

Our years together after that seemed easy with our new careers in hand and the support of one another to help us through any rough times.

With Levi, I didn’t feel the need to fly anymore. Being with him felt like soaring more than anything else. I wouldn’t trade the world for what I experienced with him. No one could pull me down from the sky after I jumped, releasing myself from the metal chain that brought me down before. There was something freeing about being with him and feeling like myself.

Looking back on the professor I had that November, I wanted to see him again. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to pity me, look at me as if I wasn’t like everyone else. I wanted to let him know that it was okay that I couldn’t physically fly because I felt as okay as anyone else with working wings. I wanted to tell him that I found a purpose outside of doing something so simple, that I didn’t need all the functioning body parts to be a functioning human. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t have to be an ‘altivolus hominum’, when ‘hominum’ suited me more than fine. If he didn’t leave the school after that semester, I might’ve done just that.

More importantly, I never forgot about Jean after that year. We never ran into each other again, to my luck, but at the same time, I wanted to prove to him that I was okay. I wanted to be able to tell him everything I would to the professor and then some. If he were around, I would tell him all the words I choked back from when I didn’t have the will to say them, in fear of what could happen after they left the filter I had in check at all times.

There were tons of people I wanted to talk to years down the road, after I graduated, after I became a successful journalist, after I was known as the man with heterochromia of the wings who happened to marry a man with the same condition. Maybe I could find them in the future to say everything I felt, or maybe I would never see them again. In a world with near infinite possibilities, it wouldn’t shock me if one of the people I wanted to say something to ended up dead at one point or another in the past.

If there was anything I had to keep in mind with Levi, it was to continue moving forward and continue being fearless, no matter how many things kept me chained down physically, mentally, emotionally.

I needed to let go and take the jump.

I needed to fly without any wings holding me back.

I needed to tell the professor and anyone else that could hear me that my new favourite word was ‘ALTIVOLUS’.


	31. Bonus Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd person, takes place about a month after the events of Chapter Twenty Eight.  
> this is.. purely smut, so feel free to skip it if you feel free to. there's no major plot points in this; it's only for the people who requested it. d:

Days outside of work were easy-going. The house always stayed calm and quiet when no one else was around, fan spinning in circles in Eren’s bedroom, stained popsicle sticks filling the trash next to his bed. He and Levi only ever wore shorts if work uniforms weren’t required, rarely moving from the bed when either of them could help it.

Pleasantly warm summer days were peaceful, and the cool nights felt blissful. Days of drinking tea and coffee, and nights of eating rocky road and vanilla ice cream, away from busy work hours made the month of June fly by. Watching movies was a good enough activity to pass the time, when they weren’t too occupied with doing anything else. It was time to spend together, to relish in gentle touches, quiet gestures, and soft spoken words between the actions of the characters on screen.

Lazy kisses halfway through a boring movie were never unwelcome, especially when they were sweet from eating popsicles. Cool lips turning warm against his own, wandering hands leaving pleasant shivers along his skin. It wasn’t hard to forget about the movie playing in the background when there was Levi bringing himself onto his lap, trailing kisses along his neck and shoulders, making him forget anything that didn’t have to do with that sensation. Another night like that was nothing new and not unwanted.

“Eren,” He managed to open his eyes, unhurried in meeting Levi’s eyes with a hum. The laptop was long forgotten at the other end of the bed, dialogue from the random movie barely audible from the distance. He made a mental note to close it up later. The person waiting for him to pay attention was more important.

“Take your shorts off.” A beat of silence, and a moment of realisation. He could feel heat flush his face, hesitating for a second before sliding them down. He watched Levi get off his lap long enough to do the same, and he took a second both to push the clothing off the side of the bed to grab later.

He didn’t say anything more for a while. Levi spoke in body language, in expressions, in soft sounds that didn’t at all resemble words. Eren could read him like a book, understand when to keep going, when to stop, where to let his hands roam. They could wander the expanse of his back, rub in between his wings, trail along his hips. The small of his back and his thighs were the most sensitive; a small gasp left his lips every time Eren’s fingers brushed over his skin there.

The kisses moved away from his mouth after a while. They started slow and careful along his neck, peppering along his collarbone, open-mouthed and wet down his chest. Levi took his time to appreciate every inch of skin and warmth in front of him, each sound Eren made in response, the feeling of a bulge growing where he rested his hand.

They worked together, even if Levi was the one doing most of the touching. Though there weren’t many times that they even attempted to go further than long, lazy make out sessions and suggestive wandering of hands, not a thing was done without the other wanting it. He took the initiative, took them both further into the territory they’d yet to reach, but it would never go on without reciprocation.

Blotches of purple bloomed on his skin where Levi paid the most time and attention. He wasn’t the most vocal about his own wants and needs, purely focused on the body underneath his hands, occupying his mouth. Eren let him continue on, stopping to guide him now and again, but encouraging him to go on nonetheless.

His mouth found itself lower, moving to suck and bite into his Eren’s hips. Small bruises and bite marks etched themselves into his thighs, those too colouring red and purple. It stung, but it wasn’t unwelcome- not when he could see the way Levi enjoyed himself, one hand gripping onto his thigh, the other slowly making its way to his hip. The slight pain mingled in with the pleasure, both sensations blurring into something he enjoyed more than he could verbally admit.

“Can I?” Levi’s eyes were hazy, clouded in lust. His cheeks were flushed pink, and he found himself staring instead of replying to him.

“Y-yeah, go ahead.”

Slowly, Levi took his cock into his mouth. He didn’t rush at all, inching down as carefully as he could. The warmth of his mouth was overwhelming at first, but before long, he pulled back a bit, a hot breath leaving his lips. Eren could see in his expression that he was trying to calm himself down before taking him again, one hand wrapping around the base of his cock.

He worked his way through each movement with infinite patience and attention. The pace he set was leisurely, taking his time with every stroke of his tongue and movement of his fingers. Eren tangled his hand into the dark locks of hair, trying to keep his eyes open enough to watch him. His hair fell into his face, but it didn’t take away how perfect he looked, licking the head of his cock, lips wrapped around him in a way that almost seemed too seductive, even for such an act.

“H-hey, come on, I wanna do something for you. ‘M not the only one here.” Levi pulled away with a light hum of acknowledgement, Eren’s hand curling into the bedsheets with the feeling of the vibration against his cock. He took a moment to breathe, clear his head, focus on where he was going with his thoughts. Levi was patient, listening to the words he tried to get out.

He straddled himself over Eren’s hips, their cocks rubbing together when he moved forward. The roll of his hips was languid, smooth, every inch that he moved deliberate. It sent shivers up his spine, heat coiling in his stomach, making it hard to breathe and think of anything other than the pleasure rolling through his body.

Eren slung his arm over Levi’s neck, fingers sliding up and gripping onto his hair. A light tug was enough for him to gasp, letting his eyes flutter closed. He brought him closer, easing into a kiss that left them both breathless.

It didn’t have to be anything fast paced; their summer days were just as slow, thought out, intimate. Every touch, every sound, every moment they spent catching their breath was stretched out, feeling as if it could last the entire night. Neither was looking for a quick release or anything that involved too much planning, more than content with a gradual build up.

The steady grind of Levi’s hips was enough for his thighs to tremble in their hold around Eren, the grip of the muscle around him hard and heavy. Eren reached to take both of their cocks in hand, pre-cum making each slide of his fingers slick, smooth. Levi let out a sharp exhale, his back arching and a low moan leaving his mouth. He let out a litany of soft praises and pleads, stumbling and stuttering over words when something felt particularly good to him. 

The sound that left Levi’s mouth with his orgasm was nothing but sinful. High pitched, breathy, cheeks flushed a rosy shade of red that he made a note to memorise. Eren followed soon after, a few more strokes of his hand enough to add to the spill of cum over his chest. Levi rested his forehead against his, trying to breathe, to open his eyes again and come down from their high.

Carefully, he moved himself off of Eren’s hips, cuddling up to his side with a muttered comment about showering later. They laid in silence for long enough to soak in the afterglow, Levi occupied with leaving a few more kisses closest to where he could reach. The slow press of his lips to his chest left his skin tingling, though pleasantly, with no heat or desperation behind it. He brushed Levi’s hair off of his forehead with a soft exhale, keeping his eyes open long enough to watch his reaction.

“You know I love you, right?” He didn’t miss the amused smile that went with Levi’s eye roll. The shade of red on his cheeks darkened, and he buried his face into Eren’s shoulder, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

“Yeah, of course.” A pause, the little bit of space between their bodies closing, “Love you too, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long ! o: i didn't really want to put this in the main plot of the story, honestly. so it ended up being a bonus chapter after i wrote....... however much smut for the bnha fandom lmao. it felt better to have it as an event on the side (and if you need better smut, look at my other works; i'm not used to writing something so vanilla).
> 
> and !! since this is technically the last part- once again, thank you so much for all the support i've been given/// it means the absolute world to me. <3

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is so short lmao. idk i just needed a solid start, y'know? but i'm really hoping for this story to go well. c: tell me what you think !! and, of course, let me know if there's any errors.


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